HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

From Cooper!
My friend sent me a halloween costume. It is so soft and I love the orange.

Mommy's little boy

My son is a water baby!!

Just like his mommy! Do you think he is enjoying his tub?!!

I am having so much fun!!

Making my own baby food!
I just finished the peas. Am working on the carrots and will go to apples and blueberries next. I am having so much fun! And knowing what is in my sons food makes me feel good too. It is so easy and fun. I am glad that as of now I can do it!

I grossed out Sue and Phil

as you may remember Cooper has a cold. There are many times that I have to use the suction bulb just so that he can breathe. *Warning....not for the queesy....* I was at my friends house and he was all plugged up and of course I didn't have the suction bulb with me. What was I to do. My kid couldn't breathe. He was over tired but couldn't fall asleep cause he just couldn't get the air in.

so what did I do????

I layed him on the big bed and held down his arms then put my mouth completely over his nose *warning....gross* sucked. I would suck then check. The wipe with the kleenex. A few round of that and he was all clear.
Yes it is gross but my son was able to breathe and slept for an hour. I would do it again in a heart beat. Anything for my little boy.

Daily Christian Wisdom

Prayer is the most powerful means of overcoming any kind of discouragement. It connects you with an omnipotent, omniscient Father who loves you unconditionally, who sees where you are and is going to help you in it.

-Charles Stanley

motoring along

So Cooper is just a motoring along. It is cute actually. Well today I had to put a lock on the kitchen cupboard. You know the one. With the garbage in it and the chemicals. It is neat to see him truckin along. He sees something, gets a look at it then decides he wants it and he is OFF!!
Guess we are baby proofing more as we go. He will let me know. Just need to watch the little man. What do I do with the kitty litter though?

Yep complaining again

no wonder barely anyone reads this blog anymore.

It is 1am. Cooper has been up for a hour and a half. A child being sick sucks! Tried the acetaminephen and then Phil tells me that he is not sure if that will make him drowsy or not. May break the slight fever. Nope, not drowsy. The couch cusions are on the floor of his room with the blanket over them and my pillow just calling for me. But Cooper has other plans.
Supposed to go to my MIL's today. Not going. Not answering the phone. Don't want to go online. Don't want to be around ANYONE. Yes I am a grump. So be it.

In for a long night

Last night he got up three times. Totally unlike him. I am totally zonked. He barely ate at all today. Turns out he has a bit of a cold. AGAIN! Poor kid!!
It is 10:54 pm. He went down at about 8:30 pm. This is awake #3. Daddy pulled out a blanket and went to crash on his floor so mommy could get some sleep cause I am at the end of this rope that seems to get shorter and shorter. Every time he falls asleep he gets stuffy. So the matress is elevated. Gave in and gave him tylenol. Daddy has him on his chest. He is screaming. Sigh....we are in for a long night.
Pray.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5:58 am
He has decided that he should be up. sigh. We were up a total of 9 times last night. I took over just after writing the blog for Daddy. I told him to go to bed. I slept on the floor of Cooper's room. The first few hours of the night was every hour being awake. Once it was even twice a hour. Poor little guy gets congested and can't breathe. There was a stretch where we got 2 hours.
Needless to say I am so tired I could cry. I probably will. Yes I am whining. Yes I am complaining but (warning: grump in me coming out and after last night I am sure you can understand why I feel grumpy) if you don't like it then come back another day when I can be all cheery and bubbly for you. Cause today it just aint gonna happen!
Lord give me strength. and sleep..........

A sad morning of Sorts

I had to lower Cooper's crib matress this morning. It kinda makes me sad. Just means he is growing up. No, he isn't pulling himself up yet so I really didn't have to worry but I kept having these nightmares that he would fall out of his crib cause the matress was too high. And I had a terrible gut feeling that he would hurt himself so rather then waiting for that to happen I lowered the matress.
It is weird. Now he can see through the crib over the bumperpad. I still didn't take it out yet cause he likes to push his head against it so the top of his head is up against it so I would rather that in there then not. He could reach the top of it when the crib was higher too.
Sigh...first cereal, soon veggies, scooting around the house (almost figured out the moving of the hands) and now the crib! So sad.
But man is it ever amazing to watch and I am so glad that I am priveledged enough to be able to. Where's my baby?

My Quiz

Copying this from a couple of friends of mine Kristy and Christy. Thanks girls!! hehe


1. What is your occupation? Wife and Mom
2. What color is your underwear? brown with flowers :)
3. What are you listening to right now? Cooper grunting away trying to figure out how to crawl.
4. What was the last thing you ate? meatloaf, potatoes, carrots & sausages (no wonder I am so tubby!! :P)
5. Do you wish on stars? Yes.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? blue
7. How is the weather right now? the sun just went down. Sunny today.
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Phil
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes!
10. How old are you today? I don't know. 27 I think :P
11. Favorite drink? milk. Chocolate or white
12. Favorite sport to watch? Gymnastics
13. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes
14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses
16. Favorite food? Garlic bread & Spaghetti
17.What was the last movie you watched? X-Men 3
18. Favorite day of the year? April 16. or Christmas
19. What do you do to vent anger? punch a pillow
20.What was your favorite toy as a child? my barbie
21. Fall or Spring? Fall I love the crispness of the air and the colors
22. Hugs or kisses? Hugs
23. Cherry or Blueberry? Blueberry
24. Do you want your friends to answer this? Either way.
25. Who is most likely to respond? Michelle
26. Who is least likely to respond? Josh
27. Living arrangements? Condo with husband and sonyou cried? This morning.
29. What is on the floor of your closet? do laundry baskets count?
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Ciara, Michelle
31. What did you do last night? Hung out with Phil, Sue and Dennis. Put baby to bed. Put myself to bed early.
32. Favorite smell? cedar wood, fresh cut grass and first rain fall on a summers day all rank up there
33. What inspires you? my sons smile (me too Christy!!)
34. What are you afraid of? SPIDERS!!
28. When was the last time you cried? This morning
35. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese
36. Favorite car? Dodge Ram 1500 quad cab with a hemi under the hood!!
37. Favorite dog breed? never owned a dog but I think I like boxers
38. Number of keys on your key ring? 10? I think. Too lazy to get up and find them :P
39. How many years at your current job? wife: 5 years, mother: 6 months
40. Favorite day of the week? Sunday
41. How many states have you lived in? 1
42. How many cities have you lived in? 5?
43. Ever driven a Motorcycle or Heavy Machinery? Nope


HAVE FUN!!

Yet Again - I feel lost

I don't get it. I believe that I understand prayer. I believe in miracles, I believe in gifts from God and I believe that prayers get answered. So why am I at the point where I don't believe? Where I think that praying is totally hopeless? What is wrong with me?
I know prayer works. I know it deep down in my heart but I find myself lacking faith in the small prayers. Yet I am hesitant to write this cause then God will know what I am thinking and how I am feeling. Wait a minute! Who am I talking about here! He knows me better then I know myself. So is He going to punish me? Is He going to take away every blessing that He has given us? I sure as heck hope not!!
He is guiding us through situations and hardships. I know He is. There is just no other way to explain it. So why do I feel like I lack the faith? Why do I feel like I can't pray. Am I punishing myself? I obviously have more questions then answers. Afraid to ask the questions cause I am afraid of God being like an earthly person. "You don't believe? You don't want to pray? Then Forget it. I am taking it away. Stopping these steps you are taking." Why the heck am I feeling that way?
I can literally feel the battle. As you may be able to read it in my words. To pray or not to pray. That is the question.
I feel so lost. I keep praying for others. I will catch myself praying for the little things and while I am praying I can hear, "why bother asking about that. You just know that it isn't going to happen." I fight it. In my heart I know I do. I feel it. So I keep praying but then find myself asking why.
WHY?

"because this is where I want you."

What is with this battle? I can't fight this battle anymore.

"When you are weak I Am strong. You can fight this because I give you the strength."

So why don't I believe?

"It's not a matter of you not believing it is a matter of you wanting it in your own timing. But your timing is not My timing. Be patient My child. I am working it all out for your good."

You believe me right? You know that I believe in you right? You know that I don't want to let this faith leave? You know that I love you right?

"I know. I created you. I know your heart better then you know yourself. I know that you will have struggles but that is what I need in order for you to come closer to Me. Do not step away from Me. Keep fighting. I am your leader. I am your strength. I will never leave you. You will never be lost because I am your guide."

I love you.

"and I you My child. I you. I believe in you. You make me pleased."

WHOA....where the heck did that come from? Why do I have tears? God, was that you? Are you talking to me? I love you. I am sorry. Maybe I am not really as lost as I feel I am.

Thanks for the gentle reminder God

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Baby Weight"

I know, I know........It took 9 months to put on, it will take a year to get off. YEAH YEAH YEAH!!
Still doesn't help the way I feel. :P
I was walking every day. Now I have lost all ambition. I used to push my friend to go out for a walk, now she pushes me. :D
I need to start to get in shape. Have no ambition although I hate the way I look. Hate that I am still in maternity pants cause I am still too large for my regular clothes. I guess I shouldn't complain when I have no desire to work out. I don't want to lose my milk.
Maybe I will start jogging around the track tomorrow. Nah....How about next week??

Prayer

Warning: *venting.

Why is it that sometimes the smallest prayer doesn't get answered? I know that prayer is a powerful thing. I am a witness to that in my own life and I see it answered in the lives of people I love and care about.
But why is it that sometimes when I say the smallest prayer it just doesn't seem to get answered. Then I get to the point of wondering why I bother.
I hope you know what I mean. I am not looking to have sympathy or to have biblical verses thrown at me. I just get so frustrated and confussed. I know within a hour or two I will want to delete this post but for right now it is a venue for me to let it out.
I know that He doesn't answer EVERY prayer and He has a reason for not doing so. But sometimes I just wonder. Like this morning. I hope He doesn't get mad at me. I have been told that He is not that kind of Father. But being human I fear that I will no longer be blessed just because I am complaining about one small thing. But He knows me better then myself so I guess He knew my questions and doubt were coming.

Cooper Crawling

yeah, yeah, yeah...another video. This one is a little long. Just over 4 minuts. Cause mommy kept pulling the toy away so he would crawl further. Bad mommy! (insert blushing face here) Ignore my voice! LOL

Cooper giggles

I have discovered that he likes it when you take an empty margarine container (or tupperware) and spin it on the floor. For some reason he gets a big kick out of it. Ahhh.....kids....simple things.........

Cooper's first trip to the pumpkin patch

He saw bunnies, goats, pigs, llamas and lots of pumpkins. In the process though we lost a shoe. :( One of my favorites. Oh well, he was almost too big for them anyway.

Every Time

It never fails. Every time I feel my faith start to dwindle and I ask myself why I even bother God shows himself. Time and time again.
Today it came in the form of a gift from a friend. Perfect timing. Little did she know. But God knew. Even though yesterday was a weakness and I lost my control over a situation that lately I have been able to understand and just be faithful that He would pull us through. I started wondering why. How? When?
It may not come that day, or the next day. But it may. It may take weeks or months but it always happens. A moment in which God whispers, "I am here. I hear you. I feel your pain and understand your hesitation."
No matter how I feel He is faithful. He has really been showing Himself in our lives lately. Every time I learn more and more that He is taking care of us that He loves us and cares. He hurts with us. He rejoices with us. He is in us.
Thank you to my friend.
Thank you to My Father. Thank you Lord.

I got thanked today

for being such a good Mommy. (insert blushing face here...)
I went to ICBC to get them to install Cooper's car seat correctly. Well, to make sure I had done it right. To say that I am a little paranoid is an understatement. I am totally anal.
Yesterday we went out to POCO to go to the bigger babies r us to see if they had the one I liked. Of course they didn't. So back to plan A. Canadian Tire. There happened to be one across the street! So Sue and I went in to get the seat. She preoccupied Cooper while I fought with getting it installed. That in itself is no easy task.
There...done. So we go up the hill and find the fire station. Outside of it there just happened to be 4 firefighters. And I am going to be so bold as to say, they weren't too bad looking at all!! :P
They checked it over and said it looked good. By the time I got home the blanket had settled enough for it to be leaning too far forward. So I put in the pool noodles. They were too narrow. So off to ICBC I went.
He just made the blanket a little thicker and Voila!! It was done. Then before leaving he decided to thank me for being such a good mom. The fact that I was anal was good. He said that I actually had the car seat good and tight.
In my heart I know that I am doing a good job with Cooper. Daddy tells me all the time. But for a complete stranger to tell me I was shocked and blushed a little too. Hehe.
Yeah, I am totally anal when it comes to car seats. Ask anyone that knows me. But man my kid is safe! What a nice compliment to start the day!

I think Cooper likes his carseat too!! Once he is in and we are on the go!

What is our world coming to?

When I was a kid we could walk to school. I walked to elementary school every day. Rode my bike to high school. We would go outside after school and play. Get called in for dinner then go back out until it was dark. We could go to the park by ourselves. We could walk to the mall or the corner store by ourselves.
Now it is so different. I don't even like to drive far by myself!!
This morning I found myself angry with how the world is going. There is no way Cooper will walk to school by himself. Or play out in the local park by himself. There are weirdos out there that try to take our kids. Or other people who make me angry are the ones that use our parks for drugs or other illegal acts! There is no purity in anything anymore.
This morning the news was on. I heard them mention Mill Lake then it was like huh? and my attention was turned to it right away.
A woman out walking her dog around the lake found a skeleton head. REALLY? In my town? Gun shots ring out around our building. A body found in a normally quiet and picturesque Lake.
Going for a walk around it today, because of course I am human and my interest is peaked as to where at the lake it was found. I round a corner to see cop cars and police tape restricting the area. Dive teams are supposedly coming today to search the lake for more remains. This lake is unsafe for swimming cause the ducks have taken over. Now it just seems all the more unsafe. I don't go out by myself. Especially at night. I always thought the lake was safe. There are people around. Plus I only walk with Cooper during the day. I have my cell phone readily available. But now there is no longer that sense of safety there.
What is our world coming to?

He's got a pretty big hat to fill.....

Find the baby.........

Is there something wrong with me?

Do I just not feel anymore? Do I not know how to cry anymore? What happened?
There was an emotional moment today and I felt the tears well up but nothing. They didn't fall. Lately I would feel like I am about to cry then nothing would happen. What is wrong with me? I do have a heart, really I do. But there is no tears left I don't think.
All these years pushing down the tears and fighting the emotion. Do I just not have it left anymore? What have I done?
Hopefully I don't come across as heartless or emotionless, cause I do feel the emotion just nothing comes out of it.
Hmmmm.....{raising eyebrows}

Such a happy morning

Poor little boy

I know I talk about him all the time but how can I NOT!! HEHE LOL

My poor little angel. He has a cold. ANOTHER ONE!!! GRRRRRRR.........
It can't be normal for a kid to get this many colds being so young can it?? He now has a stuffy nose. He has had the runs for almost a week now. I am not rushing to the doctors cause my intsinct (haha, that one was for you Kristy) tells me that it is just a cold. My experience anyway. Man! This kid must be getting a lot of immunities from all the stupid colds he has had! I think I was sick a lot as a child. I had ear infections really bad. Hopefully he doesn't get those!!! He is back in bed! He slept ALL night! You know he must be sick!
Poor Cooper


*on a side note: I am going to allow annonymous comments. But I ask for you to leave your name at the end of your comment and if it gets crazy like it has for some of my friends it will be removed. :D

I am totally and utterly blown away!

First let me start by saying that GOD IS GOOD!!

My old job, which I haven't been at for about a year and a half now, was one that I ended up dreading going to. If you are a regular reader of mine you will remember that I quit there. I was basically given notice that I had one more chance to not screw up and if I messed up I would be fired. Months prior to that my doctor had tried telling me that I had depression. Yes I said the word. Depression. I ignored it, as a matter of fact I think this may be one of the first times I have ever mentioned it to my readers. Then when this happened I went totally downhill. Not going to get into the details cause it doesn't pertain to what I am writing. Just will say that I ended up on a medical leave from work due to stress and then I ended up just quitting and finding a new job.
I didn't think I was liked there. Thought I was an odd ball and that people didn't really like me. I didn't think anyone would notice that I was gone. I worked at Value Village.
Today I went there to find some diaper covers for cloth diapers, yes I am going to try them. I have remained friends with and kept in contact with one person in particular there. She saw me and told me not to go anywhere. I was like, why you going on lunch?
Next thing I know I am getting called to the middle metal doors. When it has been that long since working there I tell you it is weird to hear my name called over the loud speaker. So I go to them. I see all the girls I worked with and got to know over the almost two years I was there step out and hand me a card. What's this? I ask.
I opened it. It was a congratulatory card on the birth of Cooper. Now that shocked me enough. What was inside was enough to almost make me cry. I say almost cause I still haven't cried. I think the adrenaline is pumping still.
My friend knew and saw how times were hard for us. I guess she told the girls. The girls gave me $300 gift certificate to superstore!! $300!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I was and still am totally and utterly blown away. My face went red and I fought the tears. I hugged each one of them.
Walking home I kept praising God. I kept thanking God. MAN IS HE GOOD!! I really don't believe in coincidences anymore. I am sorry but there is no other way to explain it then it being God. WOW!!
Needless to say, I am getting my son food (he starts it soon), food for ourselves. And on a long shot there MIGHT be a car seat there. We'll see.... WOW.
TOTALLY AND UTTERLY BLOWN AWAY!!!