You know, I have always been told during the hard circumstances and situations that one day I would be able to look back and see what God was preparing me for. It really does happen like that every time. In the situation I am frustrated and confused and scared etc. Who wouldn't be? I don't feel like God is there but I know deep down that He is.
I was hospitalized due to a break down at the end of April this year. I was there for 5 weeks. I felt SO much darkness in that ward and in my room and in my own heart. I felt like God wasn't there yet He kept sending me verses over and over.
I had people come to visit me that I didn't think ever would. Phil supported me and brought Cooper to me EVERY SINGLE night. Not missing even one night. Sometimes he would bring him by in the morning as well. It was heart breaking to not be with my family but I knew I had to be there for a season in order to get better.
The nurses and doctors helped me get meds figured out and manage life better. They helped me to get back on me feet. I can tell you now that I am grateful for that time spent there.
A lot of crap has been happening lately. Someone I know and love having their life threatened. Being told they would be killed. I don't know how to help them but just let them know I am here.
Family members feeling sick.
Feeling short on money. (what's new there. lol)
But as I sit here typing all this I can honestly say that I am doing fairly well considering all my circumstances. I know I am being vague but this is the way it has to be for right now.
I can look back now and know that God brought me through one storm so that I could get through the current one. I am not trying to do this on my own. I am trying to lean on God for strength. I am not strong enough to do it on my own, only He has the strength I need.
Getting words of wisdom and prayer from others just emphasizes that yeah He is listening. No matter how I feel like He may not be here. With everything that is happening I am quite surprised that I haven't gone down hill. I know that it is only by the Grace of God that I haven't. There is NO other way to explain it.
So I look back seeing that God was preparing me for this stuff. He was preparing me to be able to walk through this storm. Then I think, this storm will prepare me to walk through the next.
I am not usually able to see the Son in the midst of the storm but I have been able to this time around. I can honestly tell you that it feels WONDERFUL to know that God is here. That my Dad won't abandon me. That He is sending others to me in order to help me walk the journey. In order that I am not alone.
Sometimes the trials suck monkey butt but now that I can sit here knowing it was for my own good and it was to prepare me I am happy that God thinks I am worthy enough and strong enough to endure those times. I don't like those times but who rightfully does. But just knowing that the Father will NOT abandon me, hurt me, belittle me, judge me, abuse me, or stop loving me and that He is there provides a peace.
Although I have problems sleeping right now I just know that this too will pass, and I will be able to have the peace again. So while leaning on God I am also sharing with others as I felt lead.
Thankfully He was kind enough to prepare me.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Devotional
I received this yesterday morning. The morning after I had decided I want to just shut off from everyone and everything. Then I did notice that yesterday it just seemed so impossible. People talking, emailing, things to do. Funny how God comes through...
Prime Time with God Devotional
Today's Prayer
God, I come to You seeking Your face, searching for answers so I can do something about the problems. There is so much turmoil in the world. There have been so many disasters, many beyond man's control. I pray that You will broaden the minds the people affected by each incident and open their eyes to see what You want them to learn. And I pray that they will respond in the right way. I know that You sometimes allow pressures in my life to bring attention to an issue You want me to take care of too. I pray today, that You as my Loving Father will make known anything that stands in the way of fellowship between You and I. I want to turn from any wrongdoing, and "step up to the plate" to do the right thing, no matter how great or how simple it may seem. I praise You for Who You are, for all You do, and for the fellowship we share through prayer. In Jesus' name, amen.
Come Out of the Stronghold
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
11-18-2009
"...Do not stay in the stronghold. Go into the land of Judah ..." (1 Samuel 22:5).
David and his fighting men had been hiding in the cave of Adullam. He was fleeing Saul. Many of life's down-and-out had come and joined David's army. David was content to stay in the stronghold of safety. Then, God's prophet came to David and told him that he must leave the stronghold and go into the land of Judah. Judah means "praise."
When life beats down on us and we get to the place where we want to hide in a cave, God often places people around us who prod us into moving in the right direction. He does not want us to remain in the place of discouragement. He wants us to move into the land of praise.
I recall when I went through a very difficult time. It seemed to drag on and on with no change until finally I wanted to retreat to a cave and forget pressing on. It was a great time of discouragement. A godly man came to me and said, "You must keep moving! There are too many who are depending on you in the Kingdom."
I didn't totally understand what he meant at the time. Now I know he was saying that God is preparing each of us to be the vessel He wants to use in the life of another person, but we will never be that vessel if we give up and hide in our cave of discouragement. Not only must we keep moving, we must move into a new realm. Our attitude must move from discouragement to praise.
"He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners - to comfort all who mourn. ... a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor" (Isa 61:1-3).
It is only when we move past discouragement to praise that we begin living above our problems. Make a decision today to go into the land of Judah.
Prime Time with God Devotional
Today's Prayer
God, I come to You seeking Your face, searching for answers so I can do something about the problems. There is so much turmoil in the world. There have been so many disasters, many beyond man's control. I pray that You will broaden the minds the people affected by each incident and open their eyes to see what You want them to learn. And I pray that they will respond in the right way. I know that You sometimes allow pressures in my life to bring attention to an issue You want me to take care of too. I pray today, that You as my Loving Father will make known anything that stands in the way of fellowship between You and I. I want to turn from any wrongdoing, and "step up to the plate" to do the right thing, no matter how great or how simple it may seem. I praise You for Who You are, for all You do, and for the fellowship we share through prayer. In Jesus' name, amen.
Come Out of the Stronghold
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
11-18-2009
"...Do not stay in the stronghold. Go into the land of Judah ..." (1 Samuel 22:5).
David and his fighting men had been hiding in the cave of Adullam. He was fleeing Saul. Many of life's down-and-out had come and joined David's army. David was content to stay in the stronghold of safety. Then, God's prophet came to David and told him that he must leave the stronghold and go into the land of Judah. Judah means "praise."
When life beats down on us and we get to the place where we want to hide in a cave, God often places people around us who prod us into moving in the right direction. He does not want us to remain in the place of discouragement. He wants us to move into the land of praise.
I recall when I went through a very difficult time. It seemed to drag on and on with no change until finally I wanted to retreat to a cave and forget pressing on. It was a great time of discouragement. A godly man came to me and said, "You must keep moving! There are too many who are depending on you in the Kingdom."
I didn't totally understand what he meant at the time. Now I know he was saying that God is preparing each of us to be the vessel He wants to use in the life of another person, but we will never be that vessel if we give up and hide in our cave of discouragement. Not only must we keep moving, we must move into a new realm. Our attitude must move from discouragement to praise.
"He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners - to comfort all who mourn. ... a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor" (Isa 61:1-3).
It is only when we move past discouragement to praise that we begin living above our problems. Make a decision today to go into the land of Judah.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Seven Steps to Freedom
*another view point from the book, "Answers and Hope for the Struggling Christian." by Henry Warkentin
So upon reading some more I came across a chapter called, "Seven Steps to Freedom" p.86. Naturally I went in to the chapter as just a read. But then I went back and re-read it deciding I would actually take the time to at least do this for ONE area. I wanted to write it out here.
Henry suggests that the steps to freedom "can show us how to take back the ground we have conceded to Satan. It is not enough to KNOW about our sin, we also need to deal with it." p.86 (emphasis mine)
The steps are as follows:
1. Identify the Lie - "the lie will come through thoughts and feelings." p.87
2. Confess believing the Lie as Sin - "Believing a lie is a sin against God." p.87
3. Ask forgiveness for believing the Lie - "believing the lie must be confessed, and asking for forgiveness is mandatory." p.88
4. Thank God for the Forgiveness - "By thanking Him we are accepting that the sin is gone." p.88
5. Take Authority - "We have to choose to believe that this authority is now ours, just as Jesus said." p.89
6. Confess the Truth in that Area - "ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free (John 8:32)" p.90
7. Ask God to Fill the Released Area with the Holy Spirit - "We don't want that area left with an empty void, so we must ask God to fill the released area with the Holy Spirit." p.91
WHEW!!! Sounds like a LOT of work but here goes nothing.......
1. I am not worthy
2. Lord, I have been believing this lie and thus am sinning.
3. Father please forgive me that I believe this lie. That I feel in my heart that I am not worthy and never will be. Please forgive me that this in turn makes me hesitant to trust. ""I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)
4. Thank you Father that You are so forgiving. That you still love me and forgive me with open arms.
5. Satan, PISS OFF. I AM worthy and you are not to bother me or lead me to believe in this lie of not being worthy anymore.
6. The truth is that I am worthy because of You Jesus. Because of Your blood. Thank you.
7. Please Father God, help to fill this area where the lie, the sin, the unbelief sat for so long. Please help me to fill it with Your truth, Your trust and Your love. Because I am worthy through you. YOU believe I am worthy.
ok did it. Now that is just something I will have to make sure I try my hardest to keep remembering over and over.
I have never felt worthy but the truth is that I am in fact worthy because of Jesus. Lately my son has come up with a VERY interesting question. "Mommy, who bought me." At first I told that little three and a half year old boy that no one bought him. That he is ours.
Then it got me thinking and I think I was more prepared for the question when it came later that night.
"Mommy, who bought me."
"Well Cooper, Jesus bought you."
"How Mommy?"
"Remember your book tells you that the blood of Jesus was shed on the cross?"
"yes"
"well that blood was the price that Jesus paid for us. Because He loves you and cares for you."
"oh."
yeah it would have been nice if the questions stopped there. But the next day he asked the same thing again and I gave the same answer. Then he threw me for a loop.
"Mommy who bought you?"
pause, silence, small sigh.....
"Jesus did."
"Why?"
"Because Jesus loves me just like He loves you. He bought us so that we can spend eternity with Him in Heaven."
"Why?"
"Because God believes in us and believes that we are worthy."
"ok"
ummmm..........there it was right there. I was telling my own son that WE were worthy. Not just Cooper was worthy but I was worthy too. We were made worthy through Jesus and I guess writing that on my bathroom mirror and seeing it every day is starting to sink home.
I can tell you it felt good to admit that out loud to my son.
I had someone this past month who had hurt me deeply in my past apologize. They told me they are ready to make a change. WOW! Then I am starting to realize as well that through Jesus I am worthy. I didn't DO anything to BE worthy but that is the point. He loves me just the same.
So Lord, in closing......forgive me. Help me break the lie. Help me be an example. Help me to trust you and know that I am indeed worthy.
So upon reading some more I came across a chapter called, "Seven Steps to Freedom" p.86. Naturally I went in to the chapter as just a read. But then I went back and re-read it deciding I would actually take the time to at least do this for ONE area. I wanted to write it out here.
Henry suggests that the steps to freedom "can show us how to take back the ground we have conceded to Satan. It is not enough to KNOW about our sin, we also need to deal with it." p.86 (emphasis mine)
The steps are as follows:
1. Identify the Lie - "the lie will come through thoughts and feelings." p.87
2. Confess believing the Lie as Sin - "Believing a lie is a sin against God." p.87
3. Ask forgiveness for believing the Lie - "believing the lie must be confessed, and asking for forgiveness is mandatory." p.88
4. Thank God for the Forgiveness - "By thanking Him we are accepting that the sin is gone." p.88
5. Take Authority - "We have to choose to believe that this authority is now ours, just as Jesus said." p.89
6. Confess the Truth in that Area - "ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free (John 8:32)" p.90
7. Ask God to Fill the Released Area with the Holy Spirit - "We don't want that area left with an empty void, so we must ask God to fill the released area with the Holy Spirit." p.91
WHEW!!! Sounds like a LOT of work but here goes nothing.......
1. I am not worthy
2. Lord, I have been believing this lie and thus am sinning.
3. Father please forgive me that I believe this lie. That I feel in my heart that I am not worthy and never will be. Please forgive me that this in turn makes me hesitant to trust. ""I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)
4. Thank you Father that You are so forgiving. That you still love me and forgive me with open arms.
5. Satan, PISS OFF. I AM worthy and you are not to bother me or lead me to believe in this lie of not being worthy anymore.
6. The truth is that I am worthy because of You Jesus. Because of Your blood. Thank you.
7. Please Father God, help to fill this area where the lie, the sin, the unbelief sat for so long. Please help me to fill it with Your truth, Your trust and Your love. Because I am worthy through you. YOU believe I am worthy.
ok did it. Now that is just something I will have to make sure I try my hardest to keep remembering over and over.
I have never felt worthy but the truth is that I am in fact worthy because of Jesus. Lately my son has come up with a VERY interesting question. "Mommy, who bought me." At first I told that little three and a half year old boy that no one bought him. That he is ours.
Then it got me thinking and I think I was more prepared for the question when it came later that night.
"Mommy, who bought me."
"Well Cooper, Jesus bought you."
"How Mommy?"
"Remember your book tells you that the blood of Jesus was shed on the cross?"
"yes"
"well that blood was the price that Jesus paid for us. Because He loves you and cares for you."
"oh."
yeah it would have been nice if the questions stopped there. But the next day he asked the same thing again and I gave the same answer. Then he threw me for a loop.
"Mommy who bought you?"
pause, silence, small sigh.....
"Jesus did."
"Why?"
"Because Jesus loves me just like He loves you. He bought us so that we can spend eternity with Him in Heaven."
"Why?"
"Because God believes in us and believes that we are worthy."
"ok"
ummmm..........there it was right there. I was telling my own son that WE were worthy. Not just Cooper was worthy but I was worthy too. We were made worthy through Jesus and I guess writing that on my bathroom mirror and seeing it every day is starting to sink home.
I can tell you it felt good to admit that out loud to my son.
I had someone this past month who had hurt me deeply in my past apologize. They told me they are ready to make a change. WOW! Then I am starting to realize as well that through Jesus I am worthy. I didn't DO anything to BE worthy but that is the point. He loves me just the same.
So Lord, in closing......forgive me. Help me break the lie. Help me be an example. Help me to trust you and know that I am indeed worthy.
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