OH MY GOSH!!

That was a first!
I ran up to the grocery store without the baby! My heart pounded. I kept checking the backseat to see if he was ok. Then at the store I had the basket in the crook of my arm and it wasn't until I was in front of the lady that I realized I needed to unload the basket and that it wasn't the car seat!! Then on my way back up to the house that elevator couldn't move fast enough!! I was antsy waiting for it to reach the third floor.
But I did it! I knew he was safe with daddy but man oh man was that hectic in itself!

The Joys of Motherhood

There are so many joys to being a mom.
This little boy has melted my heart time and time again. Once while putting him down for a nap he just decided he wasn't going to nap. So looking at him I see these alligator tears, tears are a rarity from him. I say, Oh Cooper, it's ok Mommy is here and he opens his big blue eyes and makes eye contact directly with me. He stops crying. The look in his eyes was one that told me, Oh I am ok. Mommy is here to save me. Aww...
There are so many moments where I just want to capture it all in a jar and lock it away. I capture it all in my heart.
Now...this may be gross but those of you with children will know what I am talking about. This is a "joy" in the different sense of the word. hehe.
Some kids go poop everyday. Not mine. Maybe once a day but usually once every two days. So...going on three days. I know it's coming. Now it can't be good saving it up for that long. So I am preparing for the worst. Usually he goes first thing in the morning. Nope, not last night. 3 in the morning, rather then 8 or 9 and I smell it. Wakes hubby up too. HAHA!!! There it is, what I was waiting for. I didn't want to turn on the bedroom light and wake him up fully so I turn on the light across the hall. So I am doing my thing and I look up towards his little face to see if he was still asleep and here he is looking at me with a BIG smile on his face. Hehe. Now that's my boy!! Either it was a smile that said, ha I got ya! or it was one that was saying, boy that feels better.
Hehe. The joys of being a mom. (I love my diaper Genie!)He is so worth it. I am just thankful I let myself wake up a bit more.
Then he got up at 8:40 this morning. I think I took the wind out of his sails. He was winding up and crying and I went in there all happy and saying "Morning Cooper." He stops and looks at me with a huh look on his face. I picked him up and he was still studying my happy voice then it hit him. He was all smiles and playing with me. Cooing and talking to me. Hehe. Took the wind out of those grumpy sails!
I really do love being a mom.

Prime Time With God

Dear Lord, I long to have more of You. I want to obey Your voice, to receive Your correction. I trust in you and want to draw near to You, just to feel Your presence. I want to love You more, Father and Creator. I thank You for Your blessings. I praise You for who You are. You are awesome and great and greatly to be praised. The work of Your hands is beautiful. You are so merciful. Your love is so liberating. I appreciate Your blessings so much. Let me share Your blessings with others, that they may know that You are God our Father and there is none like You. I lift my hands to You today, to receive a touch from on high. Thank You, in the name of Jesus, amen.

Prayer request

I would like to ask for prayer for my friend Josh. Joshua just headed down to Maryland DC. for a year and a half to complete chef training. Joshua has such a passion for cooking that I am amazed. He will work all day as a chef and then come home and still want to cook.
They are driving down. I would like to ask for prayer for them to arrive safely and that if Josh is ever lonely to remember his family and friends that love him. That God is ever present for him. Just asking for him to be lifted in prayer.
Also would like to pray for the family. Whose middle child has just left the nest to spread his wings and fly on his own. Pray for peace please for the family and calm. I can only imagine the pull as I watched mom say goodbye to her baby. I could only imagine how this is tugging at their heart strings. In fact when putting Cooper in the car I leaned over to him and kissed him and told him not to grow up too fast. Time flies.
Just asking for them all to be lifted in prayer and kept in your hearts.

I don't get it

Part of me is embarassed to write this and I can't tell you why.
I am just at such a confussing moment right now. Why is it that all of a sudden I feel like I can't hear God's voice? Why is it that I feel like when I sit and talk to Him I just can't hear what He is saying back to me? I hear of others that have a total conversation with Him and a part of me envies that. I thought that I hear Him all the time but now all of a sudden it it like I am trying so hard to hear Him and He just isn't answering me.
I cried out to Him a few times yesterday and I just didn't hear a response. Maybe I am not ready to hear? Maybe I am choosing not to hear His voice?
Cooper is a very good baby and we are very blessed. I know he is just that, a baby but I am so confussed. Why is it all of a sudden he is not sleeping? Yesterday he didn't sleep until I gave in and cuddled with him. That was the only way I was going to get rid of my headache as well. Now here I am with him WIDE awake and I am so confussed. I don't know what to do. What am I doing wrong? Listen to me whine.
Don't get me wrong, like I said he is a really good baby and I am SO grateful but I am just so confussed at the sudden change. I have asked God why. I have mainly been asking what am I doing wrong? Help me to understand my baby. What can I do to help him? Cooper fights sleep. Has been for a while. It is like going a boxing roung with him. Round 1, first batch of crying because he is falling asleep then he's out. Round 2, here we go again. Round 12 and he is finally done. He is out like a light. I feel like there really is nothing I can do for him while he is fighting it so hard. I just hold him. I hold him close to my heart and talk him through it telling him that he is a good boy and it will be all right.
I ask God for help. Tell me what I need to do but I am not hearing anything. Am I blind to His voice? Am I choosing, unintentionally mind you, not to listen? Am I being punished? I have slacked on my daily devotions and, no offense to those who don't have the time or don't do them so do not take this the wrong way, I sometimes wonder if I am not hearing His voice because I am not reading His word.
I think I need to turn up these hearing aids of mine and just continue to pray. Please let me hear your voice. Please help me to hear you. I do feel you and know you are with me but I long to hear that I am doing alright and that you are walking me through it. I know that you are blessing our lives and helping us through step by step but Father I just want to hear you. I know that it is You that is loving us and pursuing us but why am I not hearing your voice?
This is obviously an early morning rant and I may delete this entry sometime tomorrow but right now I long to hear Him so bad that the tears fall. I long to know that He hears me and is answering me. Even though I know better I need to hear Him tell me. I need to shut up and listen. I am trying...
Thank you Father for all the blessings in my life I know that they come from You. Thank you for the patience You grant me to get through this all step by step. That while I am learning to be a mom I know You are there. Help me Father to open my ears though and listen. I love You Lord. Forgive me.

Can you believe it!!

That today makes it exactly one month since God blessed us with our son!! I can't believe that it has been a month already. Starting to forget those hard beginning to our nights. Still remember what labour was like, not sure someone could really fully forget that one!! I can't believe how much Cooper has grown already. How big he has gotten just in that one month. Time sure does fly and I don't want to miss a thing! I love you Cooper.

This one was the first time I got to hold him. Hence how out of order I look! Hehe

And today. 1 month old!

My first mother's day

What an awesome day!! I am so blessed.
It started out with a surprise at two o'clock in the morning. That is when Cooper gets up for a change and a feed. I go to get little man from the crib and I see an envelope in the crib. I grab it and went over to the night light to open it. I didn't want to turn on the overhead light and wake Cooper too much. So here I was out in the hallway bent over into the light opening a card. When I opened it I saw a Momma duck and baby duck. Then I opened it and cried. There inside the car was this messy printing saying "I LOVE MOMMY with all my heart. Cooper" Then on the opposite side was my little boys feet prints! Smudged in green paint. It looked just like he would have done it himself. I cried. I picked Cooper up and just cuddled him. I cried more. I went back to bed and I just hugged Phil and I said that was the best gift I have ever received in my whole life. Of course he played dumb like he didn't know what I was talking about. I think I cried myself to sleep! Such happy tears though.
Then at the seven o'clock feeding I came out to the recliner and there was another card from my dear husband. I cried again. Stupid hormones!
Then I spent the morning with my son. Phil went and spent the morning with his mom. His dad spent the morning with his mom. All the sons spent the morning with moms. It was very special.
Then at one o'clock Phil's mom did a luncheon get together for my mom, three grandma's, herself and me. All husbands were there and all us mothers were celebrating mothers day together. It was so cool. As I sat there and looked around realizing that I felt special. I felt special to be a part of the motherhood "club" so to speak. There isn't anything more special then that.
A few years ago we bought Phil's mom a small cameo pendant of a mother with a baby close to her face. It is surrounded by gold and on the back it says Heaven's Gift. You see the mom's head and the baby's head with mom's hand behind it. She came into the room where I was feeding Cooper and she opened the box and told me that now that I am a mom she was passing it down to me. I teared up and said, I can't take this. It is yours. She says she wanted to give it to me. That it was her gift to me.
I had such an awesome, wonderful and special day. I am so blessed and grateful for what I had been given. I thanked God over and over for it. I thank him over and over for my son all the time.
It definitely was a mother's day to remember.

Now...you tell me that this isn't smiles!!

Playing with Daddy this morning before work...

Happy Mothers Day...

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

God said, "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."

God said, "You will simply call her, "Mom."

Lift a mother's spirit, send this to every mother you know
(no matter how old her child is).

Could this be how God felt?

Of course we don't exactly know just how God felt but I think I might understand it on some level.
What am I talking about? Well.....
This past week has been really hard for me. Cooper being sick that is. It just totally tears at my heart strings. To hear him cough and watch him breath all plugged up. It kills me. To know there is nothing I can do for him. The only thing I can do is just love him and give him those extra Mommy cuddles.
Then a little light went on in my head. I may be wrong but I found myself wondering if this is how God felt. Did He feel helpless knowing that there was nothing He could do as He watched His one and only Son there on the cross? Being God He could have saved Jesus but He knew that His precious Son's sacrifice had to be carried out so that it will save us. Being worthy in God's eyes and being given His grace and mercy.
Did it just tear at God's heart to see His Son hang there and suffer for man? Did He let the tears fall knowing that even though it was a time of suffering in the long run it will be well worth it for not only Him but every soul on this planet?
He found me worthy. He finds you worthy. How cool is that!
So as I sit here looking at my son's fussy face as he cries just cause he isn't feeling well my heart cries with him and I wonder if this is how God felt. I can't believe the automatic love I have for my child, one that is so endless and over flowing that I would do anything for him. Hmmm...God did that for me. He did that for you. Through His Son Jesus. I can imagine with an ache in his heart and a tear on His cheek knowing this had to be done.
Unconditional love. Man it hurts. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

More Cooper stuff....

Here is a picture of him in his first pair of jeans.
They are pretty big but cute. We went to the doctor's today and she said that he is 9lbs 4oz. Nothing wrong with my little man's eating! It is so hard to see him sick though...

My poor little man...

It seems to sound like his little cold has actually gotten worse. He is way more stuffy and just plain cranky pants. Who can blame him. He is sweating but it almost feels like a cold sweat. His temperature hasn't reached above 36.9 so I am not too worried yet.
I just feel so bad for him not being able to breathe. We go for his 3.5 week checkup today. I will talk to her and I hope that she says everything sounds fine with him. Phil and I are sick too. Our throats, my ears. I don't care so much about myself and I have been praying for Phil and Cooper. I have been praying for myself too but my boys worry me more.
Please pray for healing. Especially for Cooper and Daddy as well.
Thanks.

First time...

sleeping in his crib. He has been sleeping in a bassinet in our room since he was born. Proud momma? It took him a bit but he fell asleep on his own. I love my little boy.

What an awesome surprise!

Today I was given a surprise shower. It was so cool. Thanks everyone.
Phil had asked me if Sue or Michelle might be doing a shower for me and as far as I knew no one was doing one. No one had said anything to make me think there was going to be one.
Today after church Sue and I went to Superstore to pick up something for lunch. (Or so I thought) I did think it was kinda weird that Sue kept checking her watch like she had to be somewhere. Then on our way back to her house she asked if we could stop by the church office because Susan had something for her to pick up. We pulled into the office parking lot and I saw a friends car. Thought that was odd. Sue made an excuse for it but I don't remember what she said. Then she said, might as well come in with me, Susan might want to see the baby. Walking up to the door Sue slowed down her steps and I went ahead of her. She opened the door for me. When I walked in I saw the tables with nice table cloths and tulips on them. Then I saw the balloons and streamers and the sign that said, "Baby shower." I kinda stood there in shock. I was like.....awwwwww........Then I kept saying thank you.
It was awesome, and it was all food that I could eat and not worry about whether or not it was going to affect baby. We got a lot of fun, useful and cool things. We were spoiled and it was so nice to see so many of my friends. It was a close and intimate thing, so I thought, and I didn't get overwhelmed. Sometimes if there are too many people I can feel overwhelmed and watch my baby like a hawk. I felt safe and knew Cooper was as well. Cooper was out most of it and didn't mind being handed around at all. I am not used to things being about me and being surprised is something that just never happened before. It was such an awesome day.
It was an awesome shower and I felt so blessed and loved. Thank you all. Surprises sure are fun!

Hmmm...let me think...

 

sleeping with Daddy

 

Making breakfast this morning and...

I said, "I wish I had apple juice. Because I can't drink milk because it makes baby more mucusy and I am getting tired of water." Next thing I knew hubby was putting on his shoes. I thought he was going to work but I looked at the time and saw it was early. ASked him what he was doing. He said, "going to get you apple juice". MAN!! Do I have a wonderful husband or what!!

They grow so fast!

It is amazing how fast baby's grow. I am noticing a difference already. Check out Cooper's site. I posted a cute picture! On Tuesday my little boy rolled for the first time! He rolled over from his stomach to his back. It is so weird how fast the mature and learn!
When we bath him he kicks his legs out from behind him like a frog. Then when I put him down on his tummy on the towel on the change board he does even more amazing things! He pulled his knees under him. He was literally on his hands and knees and lifting his little head. I called Phil in and he was just as shocked as I was. Here was our two week old on his hands and knees with his head in the air. He thinks it is all a game, I am sure. Daddy is so proud of his little boy. hehehe...
Sigh.... Never going to get these moments back. It is amazing the learning curve small children have. When I think of how amazing Cooper is I think how amazing God is to create a life that can do all these things. So precious.

Please send out a prayer...

My little boy and I are sick. We have colds it seems. I would like prayer for Cooper to heal fast. I am not so worried about myself cause I am bigger but to hear him cough and all stuffy makes me want to cry.
Upon the advice of the health nurse we went into emergency last night to make sure it wasn't anything too serious. She said that most newborns don't get colds. The emerg doctor checked his lungs and they sounded fine. Tested for something called RSV which is a sort of virus. The test came back negative so they sent us home.
The cough and the stuffiness doesn't seem to bother him so much. It is me that has their heart breaking. My poor little boy. The doctor told me to watch to make sure it doesn't get worse and if he gets inconsolable or lacks eating then to go back. So far he is good and eats fine.
Mommy is really tired and he is wide awake. Sigh....
Please pray for quick healing for Cooper and that it doesn't develop into anything more serious. Thank you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHIL!!!

Happy first birthday as a Daddy Phil! I love how you have fallen into the fatherhood roll so naturally. I love you and am proud to be your wife. Have a great birthday and year to come!
Love: Misty & Cooper