I am totally dying inside

I have to stop nursing due to medical reasons that I am not ready to talk about yet. I feel like I am dying inside. That I just can't do it. But I can't push it aside and keep nursing. It has to be done.
I just feel like I am punishing Cooper in a way. I nursed this morning, I am starting by cutting out the bedtime nursing session, and I told him over and over that he did nothing wrong and that I am stopping nursing cause I have to. He totally doesn't understand and I am sure in a month he won't even miss it. But it is so hard cause he doesn't seem to want to stop nursing at this point.
Please pray that he surprises me and chooses to stop. LOL. Or pray that I can get through this and I can see that it will in fact be ok. sigh...
I am totally dying inside. I love nursing. I made it 14.5 months. I wish it could be longer.
sigh...