The last few days I have heard a lot about dying to this world and choosing to live in Christ. I don't fully understand it to be honest. My mind has been a whirlwind of thoughts in this matter. I just can't seem to be able to understand it all.
I am pretty sure that the day I chose to accept Christ in to my heart I was choosing to live. Live in God's world. Live through His word. But lately I have been wondering if I do it.
I try to do the right things. I try to put others first. I am pretty sure I follow the ten commandments but sometimes I really wonder if I am really LIVING in Christ. I am so lost with this that it isn't even funny!
I know that right now I am going through some emotions and things that I am not ready to talk about but I am trying to fight. I am trying to trust God. To have faith in Him. However, I find myself fighting it. Giving in to the worldly thoughts, fears and worries. I go back to my old habits of worrying myself sick. I have to stop myself many times a day to pray. I am trying to get through it. I don't know how many times I have cried out to God. I can't count how many times I keep saying sorry. Sorry that I am not trusting. Sorry that I am trying to hold on. Sorry that I just don't understand. Thank God that He knows my heart. Because my mind gets in the way and muddles everything up. My heart wants all of Him. I want to live in Him, in His word.
I make goals but I don't keep them. I fail time and time again. Does He throw His hands in the air and say, "ah forget it. This one is a lost cause." Nope, He digs His heels in and holds me close as I try to fight it and run away. He digs in for the long haul. He wants me. He wants all of me. He has my heart. I trust Him more then anything in this world but my worldly mind tries to control things. To figure out and think about outcomes that are beyond my control. It needs to be all about Him. It needs to be all Him. I need God and His strength. So is that choosing to live in Him?
I want to live in Christ. I want to teach my son to choose God and to die to this world but how can I teach Him when I feel so lost myself? Guess this needs to be something I have to look up today....
I say I am choosing to live. Am I? Am I really? When I fight and when I worry is that failing? Is that giving in to this world? sigh....
told you my brain was muddled and confused!
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Misty, I would encourage you to go to www.weighdown.com. It's not just about food, it's about cultivating a far greater relationship with God than we could imagine. Please check it out. It will change your life! And they have a radio that broadcasts all day long. Maybe keep it on in the background and allow God to grab your attention with it throughout the day. (email Charity and let her tell you what has been happening in her life these past few weeks since we've started weighdown). And call me if you want to talk. :)
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