Convictions

I have had this blog idea floating around in my mind for quite a long time now. I just have not sat down yet to stop and think of how to put it in to words.
It has been a long time since I have written and even now I am struggling to find just the right words. I just feel like I have been convicted of a couple things. I feel like right now God has been convicting me in the way of the computer and how I spend too much time on here, thus not enough with my family. My children are growing up so fast. Cooper just turned six and Aurora is going to be one on June 25th.

I love facebook. I like being able to follow my friends on there and see what is going on with them in their lives. However, it got to the point where I was cruising facebook all day. I was spending less time with my kids and having less creativity flow. I lost the desire to take photos. Lost the desire to do almost anything. So one day I believe God brought it to my attention. At first when the conviction came upon me I thought it was the computer period. So I cut it out and as you can imagine I failed with flying colors. Then about a week ago it hit me hard that it was FB. I was scanning it although nothing new was happening. I was sitting here stuck on it and following people's lives. I was getting emotional and offended at comments people were leaving for me. Whether they were good or bad.

I had watched the movie "Fireproof" many months ago. That was the first time that God laid something on my heart. I wrote down one of the days that Kurt Cameron read out. I copied it. Pausing it after every few words to write it down. I came up with a blog idea but did not follow it. It was laid on my heart but I did not listen. I successfully failed over and over to let it fully register on my heart.

"Day 23 Watch out for parasites! A parasite is anything that latches onto you or your partner and sucks the life out of your marriage. They're usually in the form of addictions, like gambling, drugs or pornography. They promise pleasure, but grow like a disease and consume more and more of your thoughts, time and money. They steal away your loyalty and heart from those you love. Marriages rarely survive if parasites are present. If you love your wife, you must destroy any addiction that has your heart. If you don't it will destroy you. 'If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.' John 8:26"

I know what you may be thinking......drugs, gambling and pornography......I don't do any of those. But I AM addicted to FB and the internet. Constantly being on here. Ignoring my husband and my family. Getting frustrated that I can't finish what I am doing. It was consuming more and more of me. Yes, it was not consuming money but it was taking my thoughts and time. I got up and had to search online. I was frustrated if I had to put the kids to bed. Frustrated if I got pulled from the computer for life. Stopped doing dishes, laundry and other household stuff. My house was falling apart around me. So I feel like God has convicted me of this addiction. For me it was and is an addiction. It was always, "one more minute", "I just have to finish this one thing" etc.

It has been a week since stepping back. People still message me and I will respond but I choose to respond with a comment stating, "I have taken a step back from FB for a bit, my email address is ____________ so you can get a hold of me." No more cruising the for sale sites. No more cruising to know what is going on in others lives. Sure I do miss it but I missed my family more. I sit and play with Aurora. I try to clean the house. I am even getting my creativity back again. God gives convictions, He lays them on our hearts and gives us the space to make the decision as to what we choose to do with it. So God here I am.....trying to take steps towards You. In this time I have lost You but I know you are there. You are waiting patiently. So here I am......mold me. Convict me. Guide me.