all of a sudden I looked at myself and I was repulsed. I don't even know how I let myself get to this stage. My friend Meggin wanted to join a gym. So I went and looked in to it with her. We found Fitwells. That gym has made a complete difference in my life.
I started with not knowing how to use any of the machines. I started by looking like a fool in the classes. After about a month and a half I was paired up with an amazing trainer, whose name I will keep out of here for privacy issues and respect for her. I started working with her once a week. See I have this eating disorder where I don't eat unless I am around other people. It took me a long time to admit that it was an eating disorder. My counsellor was the one to convince me of that and that it is a form of anorexia. I always thought anorexia meant skinny, tiny people. But no. It is having a distorted view on eating. I would eat when I was around others and then not eat when I was alone so I could hide my weight. So I could hide that I was too fat and didn't want to eat. With the work of my trainer I started to eat every two hours.
This is me when I first joined the gym.......
I was 223lbs. This is a takini but I tucked the top up. I had two babies and didn't do anything to lose the weight I had gained. I also was not eating properly.
Once joining the gym I started to lose the weight fast but my brain kept telling me it was not fast enough and I should stop eating as well. But with the guidance and wisdom of my trainer I knew it was not proper thinking and I needed to combat that.
Last month I weighed in at 197.5lbs. That is down 26.5lbs. And I am doing this the healthy way. I weigh in on Wednesday and will post the results then.
The thing is that this is not an easy journey for me. In the beginning I really struggled to get to the gym three times a week. I kept telling myself that it is only 4% of my day. That I can do this. I started with the hour long classes. Then eventually it got to feeling like it was not enough. I moved up to five days a week. 1-2 hours a day. That still felt like it was not enough so I added another day. I was doing six days a week up until this last week.
I started to feel like I couldn't get through my workouts and my trainer advised me that my body was telling me it was too much. So I am going back down to five days a week. The thing is that I have started to run as well in the mornings. The days that I run on I feel SO much more energetic and better. I only do about 2kms right now but am building myself up to 5k. I have signed up for the CIBC run for the cure. Raising funds to help find the cure for breast cancer.
I have also started doing cycling classes at the gym called spin classes. I am addicted. LOVE LOVE spinning. I go three times a week. I also have a desire to do the bike for the cure as well. However, I would need a bike and would need to raise $2500 for the ride. It goes from Vancouver BC, down to Seattle WA. 200miles. How cool would that be!
My very first run is the Terry Fox run this month on the 14th. Going to try to do the 5k portion of it. Going to do my training and just try to get as far as I can the best I can.
This is not an easy journey but I am enjoying the journey to better my health and my body. I want to be sculpted. I want to be fit. I want to be in shape. Just this morning I was able to wear my size 13 clothes. I was a 16, pushing higher, back in April. Some days I don't SEE the difference but then I get confirmations like this. Or my wedding ring spinning on my finger easier. Just the little things. Having people come up to me at the gym and compliment me. I am trying to better myself to be an example for my family. For my children.
This is not easy at all. I struggle daily. This week has been very very poor food wise. I just feel like I can't do it. I just have to keep trying. I think a part of getting fit physically is going to have to include me getting better mentally as well. So that journey will start soon as well.
I am excited for this journey. You are welcome to join me for the ride. But be prewarned. It is not pretty. I do feel like I fail. I do get down on myself but I try to always pick myself back up. Gotta keep taking it day by day and keep pushing through. This will be worth it.
Stay tuned for updates on my runs and on my progress. Weigh in on Wednesday and new pics to come. I am excited! Won't you join me for the ride?
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