HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

From Cooper!
My friend sent me a halloween costume. It is so soft and I love the orange.

Mommy's little boy

My son is a water baby!!

Just like his mommy! Do you think he is enjoying his tub?!!

I am having so much fun!!

Making my own baby food!
I just finished the peas. Am working on the carrots and will go to apples and blueberries next. I am having so much fun! And knowing what is in my sons food makes me feel good too. It is so easy and fun. I am glad that as of now I can do it!

I grossed out Sue and Phil

as you may remember Cooper has a cold. There are many times that I have to use the suction bulb just so that he can breathe. *Warning....not for the queesy....* I was at my friends house and he was all plugged up and of course I didn't have the suction bulb with me. What was I to do. My kid couldn't breathe. He was over tired but couldn't fall asleep cause he just couldn't get the air in.

so what did I do????

I layed him on the big bed and held down his arms then put my mouth completely over his nose *warning....gross* sucked. I would suck then check. The wipe with the kleenex. A few round of that and he was all clear.
Yes it is gross but my son was able to breathe and slept for an hour. I would do it again in a heart beat. Anything for my little boy.

Daily Christian Wisdom

Prayer is the most powerful means of overcoming any kind of discouragement. It connects you with an omnipotent, omniscient Father who loves you unconditionally, who sees where you are and is going to help you in it.

-Charles Stanley

motoring along

So Cooper is just a motoring along. It is cute actually. Well today I had to put a lock on the kitchen cupboard. You know the one. With the garbage in it and the chemicals. It is neat to see him truckin along. He sees something, gets a look at it then decides he wants it and he is OFF!!
Guess we are baby proofing more as we go. He will let me know. Just need to watch the little man. What do I do with the kitty litter though?

Yep complaining again

no wonder barely anyone reads this blog anymore.

It is 1am. Cooper has been up for a hour and a half. A child being sick sucks! Tried the acetaminephen and then Phil tells me that he is not sure if that will make him drowsy or not. May break the slight fever. Nope, not drowsy. The couch cusions are on the floor of his room with the blanket over them and my pillow just calling for me. But Cooper has other plans.
Supposed to go to my MIL's today. Not going. Not answering the phone. Don't want to go online. Don't want to be around ANYONE. Yes I am a grump. So be it.

In for a long night

Last night he got up three times. Totally unlike him. I am totally zonked. He barely ate at all today. Turns out he has a bit of a cold. AGAIN! Poor kid!!
It is 10:54 pm. He went down at about 8:30 pm. This is awake #3. Daddy pulled out a blanket and went to crash on his floor so mommy could get some sleep cause I am at the end of this rope that seems to get shorter and shorter. Every time he falls asleep he gets stuffy. So the matress is elevated. Gave in and gave him tylenol. Daddy has him on his chest. He is screaming. Sigh....we are in for a long night.
Pray.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5:58 am
He has decided that he should be up. sigh. We were up a total of 9 times last night. I took over just after writing the blog for Daddy. I told him to go to bed. I slept on the floor of Cooper's room. The first few hours of the night was every hour being awake. Once it was even twice a hour. Poor little guy gets congested and can't breathe. There was a stretch where we got 2 hours.
Needless to say I am so tired I could cry. I probably will. Yes I am whining. Yes I am complaining but (warning: grump in me coming out and after last night I am sure you can understand why I feel grumpy) if you don't like it then come back another day when I can be all cheery and bubbly for you. Cause today it just aint gonna happen!
Lord give me strength. and sleep..........

A sad morning of Sorts

I had to lower Cooper's crib matress this morning. It kinda makes me sad. Just means he is growing up. No, he isn't pulling himself up yet so I really didn't have to worry but I kept having these nightmares that he would fall out of his crib cause the matress was too high. And I had a terrible gut feeling that he would hurt himself so rather then waiting for that to happen I lowered the matress.
It is weird. Now he can see through the crib over the bumperpad. I still didn't take it out yet cause he likes to push his head against it so the top of his head is up against it so I would rather that in there then not. He could reach the top of it when the crib was higher too.
Sigh...first cereal, soon veggies, scooting around the house (almost figured out the moving of the hands) and now the crib! So sad.
But man is it ever amazing to watch and I am so glad that I am priveledged enough to be able to. Where's my baby?

My Quiz

Copying this from a couple of friends of mine Kristy and Christy. Thanks girls!! hehe


1. What is your occupation? Wife and Mom
2. What color is your underwear? brown with flowers :)
3. What are you listening to right now? Cooper grunting away trying to figure out how to crawl.
4. What was the last thing you ate? meatloaf, potatoes, carrots & sausages (no wonder I am so tubby!! :P)
5. Do you wish on stars? Yes.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? blue
7. How is the weather right now? the sun just went down. Sunny today.
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Phil
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes!
10. How old are you today? I don't know. 27 I think :P
11. Favorite drink? milk. Chocolate or white
12. Favorite sport to watch? Gymnastics
13. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes
14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses
16. Favorite food? Garlic bread & Spaghetti
17.What was the last movie you watched? X-Men 3
18. Favorite day of the year? April 16. or Christmas
19. What do you do to vent anger? punch a pillow
20.What was your favorite toy as a child? my barbie
21. Fall or Spring? Fall I love the crispness of the air and the colors
22. Hugs or kisses? Hugs
23. Cherry or Blueberry? Blueberry
24. Do you want your friends to answer this? Either way.
25. Who is most likely to respond? Michelle
26. Who is least likely to respond? Josh
27. Living arrangements? Condo with husband and sonyou cried? This morning.
29. What is on the floor of your closet? do laundry baskets count?
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Ciara, Michelle
31. What did you do last night? Hung out with Phil, Sue and Dennis. Put baby to bed. Put myself to bed early.
32. Favorite smell? cedar wood, fresh cut grass and first rain fall on a summers day all rank up there
33. What inspires you? my sons smile (me too Christy!!)
34. What are you afraid of? SPIDERS!!
28. When was the last time you cried? This morning
35. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese
36. Favorite car? Dodge Ram 1500 quad cab with a hemi under the hood!!
37. Favorite dog breed? never owned a dog but I think I like boxers
38. Number of keys on your key ring? 10? I think. Too lazy to get up and find them :P
39. How many years at your current job? wife: 5 years, mother: 6 months
40. Favorite day of the week? Sunday
41. How many states have you lived in? 1
42. How many cities have you lived in? 5?
43. Ever driven a Motorcycle or Heavy Machinery? Nope


HAVE FUN!!

Yet Again - I feel lost

I don't get it. I believe that I understand prayer. I believe in miracles, I believe in gifts from God and I believe that prayers get answered. So why am I at the point where I don't believe? Where I think that praying is totally hopeless? What is wrong with me?
I know prayer works. I know it deep down in my heart but I find myself lacking faith in the small prayers. Yet I am hesitant to write this cause then God will know what I am thinking and how I am feeling. Wait a minute! Who am I talking about here! He knows me better then I know myself. So is He going to punish me? Is He going to take away every blessing that He has given us? I sure as heck hope not!!
He is guiding us through situations and hardships. I know He is. There is just no other way to explain it. So why do I feel like I lack the faith? Why do I feel like I can't pray. Am I punishing myself? I obviously have more questions then answers. Afraid to ask the questions cause I am afraid of God being like an earthly person. "You don't believe? You don't want to pray? Then Forget it. I am taking it away. Stopping these steps you are taking." Why the heck am I feeling that way?
I can literally feel the battle. As you may be able to read it in my words. To pray or not to pray. That is the question.
I feel so lost. I keep praying for others. I will catch myself praying for the little things and while I am praying I can hear, "why bother asking about that. You just know that it isn't going to happen." I fight it. In my heart I know I do. I feel it. So I keep praying but then find myself asking why.
WHY?

"because this is where I want you."

What is with this battle? I can't fight this battle anymore.

"When you are weak I Am strong. You can fight this because I give you the strength."

So why don't I believe?

"It's not a matter of you not believing it is a matter of you wanting it in your own timing. But your timing is not My timing. Be patient My child. I am working it all out for your good."

You believe me right? You know that I believe in you right? You know that I don't want to let this faith leave? You know that I love you right?

"I know. I created you. I know your heart better then you know yourself. I know that you will have struggles but that is what I need in order for you to come closer to Me. Do not step away from Me. Keep fighting. I am your leader. I am your strength. I will never leave you. You will never be lost because I am your guide."

I love you.

"and I you My child. I you. I believe in you. You make me pleased."

WHOA....where the heck did that come from? Why do I have tears? God, was that you? Are you talking to me? I love you. I am sorry. Maybe I am not really as lost as I feel I am.

Thanks for the gentle reminder God

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Baby Weight"

I know, I know........It took 9 months to put on, it will take a year to get off. YEAH YEAH YEAH!!
Still doesn't help the way I feel. :P
I was walking every day. Now I have lost all ambition. I used to push my friend to go out for a walk, now she pushes me. :D
I need to start to get in shape. Have no ambition although I hate the way I look. Hate that I am still in maternity pants cause I am still too large for my regular clothes. I guess I shouldn't complain when I have no desire to work out. I don't want to lose my milk.
Maybe I will start jogging around the track tomorrow. Nah....How about next week??

Prayer

Warning: *venting.

Why is it that sometimes the smallest prayer doesn't get answered? I know that prayer is a powerful thing. I am a witness to that in my own life and I see it answered in the lives of people I love and care about.
But why is it that sometimes when I say the smallest prayer it just doesn't seem to get answered. Then I get to the point of wondering why I bother.
I hope you know what I mean. I am not looking to have sympathy or to have biblical verses thrown at me. I just get so frustrated and confussed. I know within a hour or two I will want to delete this post but for right now it is a venue for me to let it out.
I know that He doesn't answer EVERY prayer and He has a reason for not doing so. But sometimes I just wonder. Like this morning. I hope He doesn't get mad at me. I have been told that He is not that kind of Father. But being human I fear that I will no longer be blessed just because I am complaining about one small thing. But He knows me better then myself so I guess He knew my questions and doubt were coming.

Cooper Crawling

yeah, yeah, yeah...another video. This one is a little long. Just over 4 minuts. Cause mommy kept pulling the toy away so he would crawl further. Bad mommy! (insert blushing face here) Ignore my voice! LOL

Cooper giggles

I have discovered that he likes it when you take an empty margarine container (or tupperware) and spin it on the floor. For some reason he gets a big kick out of it. Ahhh.....kids....simple things.........

Cooper's first trip to the pumpkin patch

He saw bunnies, goats, pigs, llamas and lots of pumpkins. In the process though we lost a shoe. :( One of my favorites. Oh well, he was almost too big for them anyway.

Every Time

It never fails. Every time I feel my faith start to dwindle and I ask myself why I even bother God shows himself. Time and time again.
Today it came in the form of a gift from a friend. Perfect timing. Little did she know. But God knew. Even though yesterday was a weakness and I lost my control over a situation that lately I have been able to understand and just be faithful that He would pull us through. I started wondering why. How? When?
It may not come that day, or the next day. But it may. It may take weeks or months but it always happens. A moment in which God whispers, "I am here. I hear you. I feel your pain and understand your hesitation."
No matter how I feel He is faithful. He has really been showing Himself in our lives lately. Every time I learn more and more that He is taking care of us that He loves us and cares. He hurts with us. He rejoices with us. He is in us.
Thank you to my friend.
Thank you to My Father. Thank you Lord.

I got thanked today

for being such a good Mommy. (insert blushing face here...)
I went to ICBC to get them to install Cooper's car seat correctly. Well, to make sure I had done it right. To say that I am a little paranoid is an understatement. I am totally anal.
Yesterday we went out to POCO to go to the bigger babies r us to see if they had the one I liked. Of course they didn't. So back to plan A. Canadian Tire. There happened to be one across the street! So Sue and I went in to get the seat. She preoccupied Cooper while I fought with getting it installed. That in itself is no easy task.
There...done. So we go up the hill and find the fire station. Outside of it there just happened to be 4 firefighters. And I am going to be so bold as to say, they weren't too bad looking at all!! :P
They checked it over and said it looked good. By the time I got home the blanket had settled enough for it to be leaning too far forward. So I put in the pool noodles. They were too narrow. So off to ICBC I went.
He just made the blanket a little thicker and Voila!! It was done. Then before leaving he decided to thank me for being such a good mom. The fact that I was anal was good. He said that I actually had the car seat good and tight.
In my heart I know that I am doing a good job with Cooper. Daddy tells me all the time. But for a complete stranger to tell me I was shocked and blushed a little too. Hehe.
Yeah, I am totally anal when it comes to car seats. Ask anyone that knows me. But man my kid is safe! What a nice compliment to start the day!

I think Cooper likes his carseat too!! Once he is in and we are on the go!

What is our world coming to?

When I was a kid we could walk to school. I walked to elementary school every day. Rode my bike to high school. We would go outside after school and play. Get called in for dinner then go back out until it was dark. We could go to the park by ourselves. We could walk to the mall or the corner store by ourselves.
Now it is so different. I don't even like to drive far by myself!!
This morning I found myself angry with how the world is going. There is no way Cooper will walk to school by himself. Or play out in the local park by himself. There are weirdos out there that try to take our kids. Or other people who make me angry are the ones that use our parks for drugs or other illegal acts! There is no purity in anything anymore.
This morning the news was on. I heard them mention Mill Lake then it was like huh? and my attention was turned to it right away.
A woman out walking her dog around the lake found a skeleton head. REALLY? In my town? Gun shots ring out around our building. A body found in a normally quiet and picturesque Lake.
Going for a walk around it today, because of course I am human and my interest is peaked as to where at the lake it was found. I round a corner to see cop cars and police tape restricting the area. Dive teams are supposedly coming today to search the lake for more remains. This lake is unsafe for swimming cause the ducks have taken over. Now it just seems all the more unsafe. I don't go out by myself. Especially at night. I always thought the lake was safe. There are people around. Plus I only walk with Cooper during the day. I have my cell phone readily available. But now there is no longer that sense of safety there.
What is our world coming to?

He's got a pretty big hat to fill.....

Find the baby.........

Is there something wrong with me?

Do I just not feel anymore? Do I not know how to cry anymore? What happened?
There was an emotional moment today and I felt the tears well up but nothing. They didn't fall. Lately I would feel like I am about to cry then nothing would happen. What is wrong with me? I do have a heart, really I do. But there is no tears left I don't think.
All these years pushing down the tears and fighting the emotion. Do I just not have it left anymore? What have I done?
Hopefully I don't come across as heartless or emotionless, cause I do feel the emotion just nothing comes out of it.
Hmmmm.....{raising eyebrows}

Such a happy morning

Poor little boy

I know I talk about him all the time but how can I NOT!! HEHE LOL

My poor little angel. He has a cold. ANOTHER ONE!!! GRRRRRRR.........
It can't be normal for a kid to get this many colds being so young can it?? He now has a stuffy nose. He has had the runs for almost a week now. I am not rushing to the doctors cause my intsinct (haha, that one was for you Kristy) tells me that it is just a cold. My experience anyway. Man! This kid must be getting a lot of immunities from all the stupid colds he has had! I think I was sick a lot as a child. I had ear infections really bad. Hopefully he doesn't get those!!! He is back in bed! He slept ALL night! You know he must be sick!
Poor Cooper


*on a side note: I am going to allow annonymous comments. But I ask for you to leave your name at the end of your comment and if it gets crazy like it has for some of my friends it will be removed. :D

I am totally and utterly blown away!

First let me start by saying that GOD IS GOOD!!

My old job, which I haven't been at for about a year and a half now, was one that I ended up dreading going to. If you are a regular reader of mine you will remember that I quit there. I was basically given notice that I had one more chance to not screw up and if I messed up I would be fired. Months prior to that my doctor had tried telling me that I had depression. Yes I said the word. Depression. I ignored it, as a matter of fact I think this may be one of the first times I have ever mentioned it to my readers. Then when this happened I went totally downhill. Not going to get into the details cause it doesn't pertain to what I am writing. Just will say that I ended up on a medical leave from work due to stress and then I ended up just quitting and finding a new job.
I didn't think I was liked there. Thought I was an odd ball and that people didn't really like me. I didn't think anyone would notice that I was gone. I worked at Value Village.
Today I went there to find some diaper covers for cloth diapers, yes I am going to try them. I have remained friends with and kept in contact with one person in particular there. She saw me and told me not to go anywhere. I was like, why you going on lunch?
Next thing I know I am getting called to the middle metal doors. When it has been that long since working there I tell you it is weird to hear my name called over the loud speaker. So I go to them. I see all the girls I worked with and got to know over the almost two years I was there step out and hand me a card. What's this? I ask.
I opened it. It was a congratulatory card on the birth of Cooper. Now that shocked me enough. What was inside was enough to almost make me cry. I say almost cause I still haven't cried. I think the adrenaline is pumping still.
My friend knew and saw how times were hard for us. I guess she told the girls. The girls gave me $300 gift certificate to superstore!! $300!!! HOLY CRAP!!! I was and still am totally and utterly blown away. My face went red and I fought the tears. I hugged each one of them.
Walking home I kept praising God. I kept thanking God. MAN IS HE GOOD!! I really don't believe in coincidences anymore. I am sorry but there is no other way to explain it then it being God. WOW!!
Needless to say, I am getting my son food (he starts it soon), food for ourselves. And on a long shot there MIGHT be a car seat there. We'll see.... WOW.
TOTALLY AND UTTERLY BLOWN AWAY!!!

Choices

We have all done them. We will always continue to do them. Some that make us shake our heads at the fact that we ever even chose that specific thing. Some that make us laugh and some that even make us feel like we did the right thing.
I have made a choice that in my heart has been eating at me. I have chosen to step sideways from God. I don't know why and maybe that is something that I will have to examine. I know I did it though. I would rather be online with friends and on a message board I am a part of. Don't get me wrong. I have made some good friendships there and gotten through some things as well. But in the process I have shut out God. I stopped doing the devotional. I even skipped passed the ones I received in my email. I don't read the bible anymore. It has always confused me and then I always ended up with more questions then answers. I learned last night that we are meant to come up with questions. That if we had all the answers about God He really wouldn't seem that amazing to us.
So on my way home last night I made a conscious decision to turn around this boat before I start sinking in further. Yet here I am writing a blog! LOL.
I have decided to step back from my message forum. I have decided to sit down and read the devotions. Even though with each sentence I seemed to get more and more dizzy, I read them. I am not looking for a pat on the back or a good for you. If either of those are received I think that my message isn't getting out as I would like it.
In a way I created a hole. Talking to people who didn't know the real me that way they couldn't hold me accountable. I enjoy the new friends I have made. They have helped me through many new motherhood things, but at the same time I have not allowed my close friends to help me through the same situations because I relied solely on the message forum. That was wrong.
I have realized that I have made choices recently that are mistakes. So driving home I have asked for the help to reconnect with Him. Going to devote more time to God. More time to my son. More time to my friends. More time my husband.
I got sucked in so to speak. I allowed myself to step away. Now it is time to come back and discover why I have chosen to do what I did. Time to accept the truth. Time to come back to who I was and am.
I don't know if this made any sense at all. The main thing is that I had made a choice and it was not right. So now I am making the choice to include Him more in my day. More in my life. Giving Him the control.
I just pray that He helps me along the way to be strong and to stay strong.
Don't know if this post will stay or not. But this is where I am at right now.

Daily Christian Wisdom

The gospel is like a lion. It doesn't need to be protected, it needs to be turned loose.


-Unknown

OH MY!!!

My son is almost crawling!! He gets up on all fours burys his face into his little soccer ball then scoots forward! He has been going backwards for a few days now. He is growing so fast. (Sniff...sniff)

This is a smile. Starting....


Up on all fours. Pushing his face into the ball


moving forward




DID YOU SEE THAT MOMMY!!!

ODB quote (our daily bread) for today

"Putting your faith in the living God takes the fear out of living."

Face Down

Heard this song today in church. One line really struck me, well the whole song did but still...
"and I'll fall face down,
As Your glory shines around."

When I first heard the music start to play I reconized the song and stood up to sing with it. There was a time when you would never catch me standing to sing along with a song. But now I will stand up when it moves me to do so. Rarely would I ever put my arms in the air to worship further. I would always peak open my eyes to make sure that I wasn't the only one doing the above actions. Making sure I wasn't drawing attention to myself by being the only one standing with arms raised up. Today as I sang with this song, eyes closed, standing I felt it. The light that shone down. His light filled the room. The room was dark in behind my closed eyes. Then along with those lines I seemed to have seen it. I could see the light that the song was talking about.
Not scary just a brightness and a sense of warmth that wrapped it's arms around this community of believers. I smiled when I heard the voices around me singing. I was never one who liked to sing too loudy because I know that I can't sing. I know that I didn't have a "proper" voice. Then around me I heard it. The voices, out of tune, loud and sincere. All around me, different tones, different volumes. With eyes closed I took it all in while providing my own out of tune words. With eyes closed I sang along, I felt the Glory, I felt and heard the pure, true worship.
Then it came to me. It doesn't matter how well we can sing. We are praising Him. It doesn't matter who sees you with your hands raised, He sees you. It doesn't matter if you are the first to stand, maybe someone who was too afraid will follow your actions but God sees you. He raises you to your feet for His glory. For His pleasure. Lift the hands up towards Heaven. You just might feel God reaching back.
Today in essence I was falling face down. I was letting His glory surround me. I was fighting back the tears. I had arms raised in praise. I had God. I felt God. I heard God. What an awesome feeling.


Facedown

Welcomed in to the courts of the King
I've been ushered in to Your presence
Lord, I stand on Your merciful ground
Yet with every step tread with reverence

And I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around
Yes, I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around

Who is there in the heavens like You?
And upon the earth, who's Your equal?
You are far above, You're the highest of heights
We are bowing down to exalt You

So let Your glory shine around
Let Your glory shine around
King of glory, here be found

-Matt Redman

I need to complain - Don't respond

What a morning.
None of my pre-pregnancy jeans fit. So I am still wearing my maternity jeans which are too big. But yet I can't get into my old clothes just yet. No shirts that are long enough to cover the pudge.
My shoulder hurts so bad that I am almost in tears. Feeling numbness down my arm.
My hip hurts so bad I can barely pick my kid up.
SWEET! (Sarcasm intended)I am only 27 and am falling apart!
on a plus note it is a sunny day.

8 things about me

Alright Shari, I will bite!! But I am not tagging anyone. Everyone I could think of has already been tagged.

1. I am so in love with my best friend and love being his wife.

2. I thought parenting would be easier. HAH!!! But wouldn't trade it for the world.

3. My nickname from Phil is Bug.

4. My dad died when I was 5

5. I have never touched drugs or cigarettes.

6. I have a temper. My son has the same one!

7. I have been in a cop car. Twice. ( try to guess that one! Bet it's not what you're thinking)

8. I love to do laundry.

I bet I can go on!!

DANG!! I missed this yesterday

sorry, I was a little flustered!
and I am sure that she is going to kill me but......


HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUE!!!

Another Lesson from a Nursery Rhyme

The Wise Old Owl

A wise old owl sat in an oak.
The more he heard, the less he spoke;
The less he spoke, the more he heard.
Why aren't we all like that wise old bird?

Mother Goose

Wow...Stepped out of my comfort zone

Believe it or not I am a shy person. Those that know me well are laughing but also they know that at first I am pretty shy. This past Sunday I did something I thought I would never do. I prayed in front of the church!
Cooper got up that morning at 4:30 to feed. So I am sitting in the dark living room feeding my son and I wondered, who should I get to pray for offering today? Then I heard Him say it. "You do it" What? Was that me? No, it was God. No thank you I say. Not going to, too shy. Then ignoring what I was told I starting thinking about who to ask. Then I heard it again. "You do it. It is your turn." Then the argument started!!
"I can't do it!!"
"yes you can."
"Nope, nope I can't. I am too shy."
"try it"
"what do I say? How do I say it? What if I don't pray the 'right' way? What if I mess up?"
"ask Me for help and I will provide you with the strength you need."
"Fine I will try."
"That's my girl."(sounds lame, I am sure but that is what I heard. I can't forget it.)

So I finished feeding Cooper and put him back in the crib. Then I went on the computer. Sent out a prayer request. Tried to not tell many people about it cause I didn't want praise. I wasn't doing it for that. I was doing it cause God told me to.
I am not someone that will pray out loud in front of Phil or friends, let alone my church. I remember the ladies retreat I went on in 2005. My pastor, Susan, asked me to pray for breakfast. I immediately felt my face go red and said, me?? She looked at me and smiled and said yep, if you want to go to Costa Rica you need to learn. (Missions trip that I wanted to go on but never went cause we had a baby instead ;) ) So I prayed. Stumbled. Stuttered. I am sure I messed up but I did it. Said amen and it was followed by a loud amen from everyone else. Then that was it. I was done. No more.
HA!! So I thought!
Then I got the call. I went up on stage. Scared. Knowing that I had God's strength cause I was ever so week. I said, Good morning, let's pray. That is all I know. I even had to ask if I had remembered to say that. Yes I did. Amen. I didn't mess up. I was all clammy but I did it! Didn't mess up! I stepped so far out of my comfort zone that it wasn't even funny! But thankfully God had me in His hands while I stumbled outside of the zone I grew to know as safe.
I turned around to hand the mic back to our singer that day, Jill and I was looking around for her. Passed the mic off and was careful not to trip on the way off the stage. Just like I was when I got on the stage. Now that would have been embarrassing. I remember I kept thinking, what if I trip? But I didn't. So I went to leave the stage. I don't know, would you call it stage left?? I look behind the curtain and there is our Head Pastor Greg, standing there and he gave me the thumbs up sign. Made me smile.
I did it!! I stepped out of the comfort zone I like very much. I put all my trust and faith into God and I got through it! Now, I just need to focus on doing that in the rest of my life. I am trying. I will get there. Thankfully He is so patient. Stupid comfort zones!! I am glad I took the risk. It was worth taking for me.

awwww...he missed me

Cooper missed me!!
I went out last night. Although I only lasted through one movie. It was a 1/2 hour drive there and a 1/2 hour drive back so I didn't want to be too late. I left at 6 and got home at 10. So I was gone for a bit. It was hard. I kept looking at the clock.
One of the girls let me use her soaker bucket and some stuff for my feet. Man!! That stuff worked great! My feet still feel good. hehe Then we watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Then I left.
When I got home Phil filled me in. Cooper ate 7ozs. Fell asleep at the bottle. Held onto the bottle for a good half of the feed. Only burped once but still slept well. Went right to bed. I asked, did he miss me. He said that yeah he did. I asked, how could you tell. He said that they would be playing then Cooper would all of a sudden stop and look around with a confussed look on his face. Like he was looking for me. (awwww)
Then he got up at 4:30 this morning to feed. He ate for 20 minutes solid! Usually he only does 10 minutes if I am lucky. He would not take his hand off my face. Then he even slept in until 7!! Usually I would go in there and open the blinds then he would play in his crib for a while. I would sign up and put my hands out to him but he wouldn't want up. So I would wait for him to sign that he wants up.
Well, today I go in there and open the blinds. I look in the crib and say "Hiiii Cooper" and instantly he beamed and threw his hands in the air for up. I picked him up and he snuggled right into me. Awww....made me feel loved. Then this morning when he would lose sight of me he would fuss. He missed me, he really missed me.
It was a nice evening out. Worth it for all of us.

Check out Cooper and Grandpa on the Tractor

What a big boy!

I am sure that I am paranoid but...

First of all let me start by saying that I am not writing this for sympathy or for someone to try to fix it. I am writing it cause I need to get it off my chest and I am sometimes better at writing then I am at speaking. Writing doesn't show the tears.

I have been feeling so totally alone. In a crowd tonight looking around I realized that I was by myself in essence. That I couldn't relate to anyone. No one could relate to me. I looked around at the different groups of people and all of a sudden felt like I didn't fit into any of them.
I have my son. I have my husband. I have God. I have friends but still can't seem to shake the feeling of not belonging.
Just needed to get it out. May end up deleting this but for now, it will stay.

Five Years Ago Today....

I married the love of my life. My best friend.



Happy Anniversary Phil.
Thanks for making me the happiest person and for the love you give me day in and day out. I love you. You are a wonderful husband and father.
Here's to the rest of our lives together

Picture it if you will....

Eight am. Heading back from an appointment. The fog has rolled into the valley. The streets are busy with children going back to school. I decide to stop at Mill Lake and go for a walk with my son.
Get there. Realize I don't have the stroller. Oh well, have the snugglie. So I pull my son out of the car seat. And this is where it begins...
The light blue tougue snugs onto his little head and his legs kick like mad. The car is locked and we are off. I'm not wearing the right shoes. I don't have a jacket but my son does. Socks on his little hands. Blanket wrapped around his little body. The silence broken by the chattering of the little man just hanging from my chest. The "Good Morning's" from fellow walkers and joggers. The fog rolls around us. I look up and see the sun. Not bright. Just a big huge ball in the sky. The rays hidden by the thick cloud that thins as it reaches the Earth. Walking around the Lake I am talking to God. How beautiful is this. Gotta get home though.
Walking the whole time wishing that I had my camera, or at least my phone so I could take a picture of the mist rolling over the water. Almost finished the walk. Still wishing I had that camera.
Then I hear it. JUST STOP.
Can't, busy beating myself up about not having a camera to capture the moment.
Misty, Just stop. Just for a minute.
Fine I argue.
Now just sit back and read what I saw. No picture but hopefully the words can do the imagery some justice.
I stop. Reluctantly.
I step off the path into the area where I have bushes on either side of me. I stop. Put my hands on my hips and look across the water. That is when my mind clears and takes it all in.
The sun, the ball. The cluster of ducks off in the distance playing while the fog silently and effortlessly rolls their their feathers. The mist rolls and dances across the water. Tagging the lillies. Each swirl more unique then the last one. What was that? I look off to my right and there in the lillies was a blue heron. Just standing there. Looking at me. Then it lifts its delicate legs and walks out into the water further.
I thanked God. That this was all created by Him and that He created me to enjoy it.
Standing, hands by my side now, shoulders relaxing, calming myself. Thanking God. Feeling Him whisper as I stare out on the water. Feeling my son's steady breath against my chest. He is safe and warm and has fallen asleep. In the stillness, in the quiet He is there. Minutes pass by, reluctant to let go of the moment. Taking in the warmth of my son's breath once more, now with my arms wrapped around his little body a smile crosses my face. I am awestruck. I am amazed. I am loved.
A moment captured with the eye of my mind.
I hope that what I had said has given you all some sort of a glimpse into the stillness, the perfectness of the moment.
My morning walk with my son.

Poor Baby....

stupid teeth...(sorry so big, but they need to be so you can see the tooth)



Poor Cooper, His teeth are coming. As you can see from the pic they are buggin him. Bad mommy for taking a picture while he was so uncomfortable. (blushing)Saw a little blood today, must be getting through the surface.
Finally gave in and gave the poor little man some Tylenol. Cold soothers in the fridge, and a cold cloth help. Poor Cooper looks all dopey now.
My tooth is hurting too but it is a different one. I just feel WAY more sorry for him. I know how much this is hurting me and it is already above the surface. Not ripping and tearing the gums to emerge..

Look what Cooper can do!!

where did my baby go??
He is growing so fast!! I am just thankful that I get these times with him.

My husband is funny .......

I am now stranded at home.
Funny man!
I make his breakfast and lunch every morning. This morning his coworker has his car, thus has his keys. Therefore I did not put keys with his lunch. I had his wallet beside his lunch, his phone also. No keys BESIDE his lunch. Which is where they would normally be.
My keys were on the island opposite his lunch. On the main counter while his lunch and stuff was across the way beside the stove.
Habit I guess, he turned around and grabbed the keys on the island. I have Cooper all ready and I go to find me keys. Wait a minute, where are they? They were here this morning. Where did they go? On the off chance I phoned him and asked if he took my keys. He said no. I said are you sure? You better check. Then I hear, uh-oh....
"You have them don't you?" I asked.
"I'm sorry. Yes I do." He says.
So now I am stranded at home and he is trying to think of a way to get them to me. It is no big deal. It would be nice if I could go for a walk but you need a key to get back into the apartment building.
So, I undress my son from the outside clothes he was wearing. He is now playing on the blanket with his favorite bear. Could this be a sign that I am not supposed to go out today??
sigh....
silly husband

In the Quiet stillness

I am sitting here at my computer. The air around me is so still and so quiet. The rain is pitter pattering outside. My son is asleep. The two sounds I love to hear. The falling rain and my son breathe. The air is heavy with stillness. The fridge buzzes and hums not to be out done by the computer. The darkness of the day requiring me to actually use the electricity. The safeness, the warmth, the security, the dryness of having a roof over my head does not go unnoticed. The provider of this does not go unnoticed either. He silently provides what I need.
My son breaks the stillness with a shrill cry. Going to his aid only to realize that he is still asleep yet he still cries. Picking him up and holding him in my arms I whisper, "shhh...it's ok. Mommy is here." He calms down and slips back into that deep sleep again. The warmth of Mommy and the voice provide that security that he needed. The reassurance.
As I lay him back down in the crib and slowly kiss his cheek while covering him back with the blanket to keep him warm I realize something. I just provided what my son needed. I did for him what God has been doing for me. In my scared, lonely, confused moments He comes in to pick me up and hold me close to Him. All the while whispering, "it's alright. I've got you. I Am here." Then calming me enough to gently and gracefully put me back down on my feet. Only to continue whispering to me through verses. Through actions. Through my son.
My son needed me. I needed the Son.
I was there for my Son. The Son was there for me.
Providing the love and security that my little boy needs is what God is doing for me. Step by step, day by day. When I am weak He will carry me.
So back to the quiet stillness. The warmth I feel wash over me as I sit here and close my eyes. Knowing that I am safe. That I am loved. Straining to listen to those silent whispers. Those words He needs me to hear.


There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

-Anais Nin


I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber not sleep.

The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

I surrender

I am sure that I have done a blog like this before but yet here I am again.
We sang this song at church on Sunday. We have done it before and it has hit me before. It has hit me again.
I have been struggling lately. With many things. One of them being my faith, or lack there of it. I have been having problems praying. Problems hearing His voice. I know that it is my own fault. I know that I have chosen to not read devotionals or blogs. I have allowed myself to believe that it is because I am a busy mom. But the time that I spend on the computer doing other things I could have been reading the devotionals, blogs or the bible. I have chosen to allow myself to be distracted. Although a fussing baby is a good excuse.
A friend of mine asked me what are you mad at Him for? I said I wasn't mad. Then in one morning I got like four or five verses given to me. When I read them I knew there was a reason why they were coming to me. I got dizzy. I got confused. I got more dizzy. A spiritual battle in the forefront of my mind. Right there in front of me going on within me. I feel that it was a battle. Then when I was asked this question I fought it. I said I wasn't mad. But then starting to think about it I realized that yes I am mad.
Selfish, mad, frustrated and worried. Worried about all the little day to day things. Worried about losing who I am and who He is. Then in the midst of the pain and the anger I feel it. I feel the whispers. I feel the warmth. I see how He is working. I see that these things are happening because this is where He needs me to be.
As painful as this place is, this is what He needs me to be feeling. This is where He needs me to be. I just need to reach to Him. I need to surrender it all back to Him. Realizing that it is only God that can ease this pain within my heart. That it is only God who can pull us through day to day, month to month. Yes, we may get help but it is only because God has put it on those peoples hearts to help us.
A friend gave me a gift bag full of diapers and on the front of the bag it said, "Prayer changes things". I cried. Yes it does change things and it has been something that I had stopped doing with my heart. I would barely do it cause I felt like I had to. God knew. He could feel the difference. The little saying on the bag made me stop in my tracks and made me smile.
I stress out, I worry. I hold back the tears and fight them. I don't allow myself to cry. I can't. I don't allow myself to feel the pain. The hurt. The anger. While I am busy not allowing myself God is whispering for me to surrender. I heard the song and closed my eyes. I fought the tears. I fought the pain. Although I feel like I did win in the end I knew God captured more of my heart at that moment. The feeling of being able to surrender. Knowing that God will take this all from me and will ease my pain. I want to surrender. I need to surrender it all back to Him. He really is the only one who can take this burden and carry me on His shoulders.
So once again, I feel that I need to surrender. I need to give it all to Him. Although I still fight. Although I am scared. Although I feel alone and abandoned, I know that He is there. Hands held open, arms stretched wide waiting for me to run back to Him. To run into those safe arms and even though I feel the pain and hurt I know this is where I need to be in my heart. Now it is just time to accept it. Time to surrender to it all. Take this from me Lord and help me to come back to You.

Some things I have heard God whispering today

When you see God’s hands in everything, it is easy to leave everything in God’s hands.
-Unknown(working on this one. I am sure I always will be!)


When you look at someone else’s life,
Thinking that it’s better than your own,
Just remember what God’s given you
Was designed for you alone.
—Hess

There are no more hours in a bad day than in a good one!
-Unknown


I hear them! I hear Him!

sniff...sniff...

looks like they don't need me! Daddy has done the routine and is feeding him 4 ozs right now. Cooper is actually being realy good. He might actually need me to top him up. I think I need a bigger bottle! He is holding Daddy's finger. Looking up at him. Like this:



It actually makes me feel kinda teary eyed. He did the bath. Dressed him. Read a book. Warmed the bottle. He really is doing well. It is so cool to see him bonding with his son. A pretty special thing.

Compassion

There are a lot of times where I feel like I am just totally lacking it. I have wondered if it is something we lose as we grow older and get too busy with our day to day life. Still not sure on the answer of that one but yesterday something happened that just totally reminded me of what it was all about. Expecting nothing in return and putting aside all your feelings to care for another. You know who reminded me of that? My son. That's right. My 4 month old son. I haven't taught him this compassion as of yet. It is obviously something that we are blessed to be born with.
We were having a rough morning. He was tired. Rubbing his eyes. So I fed him and put him down. But he would have none of that! He started screaming and crying. We do what works for us and it is a 5 minute thing. He fusses for 5 minutes then I go in there for 5 minutes. I don't talk, I just use my body language to let him know that I was there and it will be ok. I never let him get beside himself. It was a very frustrating day. I was becoming more and more discouraged. Why won't he sleep??
At one point, and some of you may think I am a terrible mom and so be it - you are entitled to you opinions, I had to let him scream. The more he screamed the crappier I felt. "You're an awful mom" "why aren't you helping your son" were thoughts that ran through my head like a freight train. I knew he was ok though. So I had to let myself try to relax. It was the best thing for both of us.
I took a deep breath and went into his room. Poor baby. I picked him up and came out to the living room and sat in the recliner with him. Put his soother in his mouth and he cuddled right in. I kept whispering "it's ok, Mommy was here. I love you. It's ok." I look down and he had fallen asleep. Cuddled into his mommy.
That is when I let the tear that I was fighting roll down my cheek. I didn't sob. I just let it come out. I thought it was silent. Silent tears. Then my little boys eyes shot open. He looked up at me with those big blue eyes and he reached up his hand and touched the silent tear that was rolling down my cheek. He went right for it. He left his hand there. Another one fell and he opened and closed his fingers against my cheek. Then I said, "Mommy is ok. I love you." He promptly spat out the soother and looked up at me and gave me the biggest smile. Then he started to just giggle and laugh away. That made me smile. It made me laugh. I thanked him. So much for the nap though. He was too concerned to keep me smiling.
The compassion that my son showed me blew me away. I hadn't taught him that yet. I look back on it and realize that even though I am struggling with who I am, where God is and how to pray He sends me little moments that will forever be etched on my heart. The moment still brings tears to my eyes. I have such an awesome gift. My son loves me and cares about me. What an amazing thing! A moment forever engraved on my heart.

OMG!! Guess what Cooper did!!

He said "HI".
Yesterday I was on the phone with Phil and I leaned over to Cooper and I went "Hiiii Cooper.." and he gave a very distinct and pronounced "HI"! OMG!!! I said, did you hear that, did you hear that? To Phil and he was laughing cause sure enough he did hear him.
Did my baby really say his first word? WOW!!
I know, some of you may think I am crazy but if you would have heard it there would have been no mistaking it!! I am writing it on his calander as his first word!

Lessons learnt from a child's book

I was reading my son a story before his morning nap just now.
"Big Dog...
Little Dog
A bedtime story" by P.D. Eastman

Funny. The last line on the last page hit me. It was a lesson for me. I don't know why I chose this book. I have read it only once to him and that was when I was pregnant still. For some reason I chose this one today. I read the last line and I knew why I had chosen it.

"Why make big problems out of little problems."

Smart little bird. Now he seems to be sleeping so far so I am off to indulge in a hot bath. Let's see if I can get that far.
Yes God...I am listening. Sometimes barely but I am.

4 months old today....

Time is flying by....

I feel....

totally numb.
goodnight.
I may talk about it soon.

my little angel

We have been very fortunate thus far with Cooper and his sleep. This morning he woke up just cooing away and talking to himself. he even slept until 5 then fed then slept until 7. I went in there and he had his back to me so I poked my head into the crib and put the top of my head on the matress so that I was looking at him upside down. I said...."hi Cooper!" He gave me a full body smile and the hugest grin. Then we just played in his crib for a bit. Making him laugh and stuff so I could associate the crib with happy stuff too not just crying to fall asleep and crying awake. Then I brought him into our room. I layed in bed and put my knees up and he was smiling and laughing away. Just being a ham. What a perfect way to start the day. It is moments like that when I look at him and I see God. The smiles and I see that God gave me this perfect gift and that I am worthy. Even though I feel out of touch with Him and like I can't hear Him and I struggle, I just see this perfect little boy and I can just hear His whispers of I love you.

I have some fears today

Lately I have feared that I am loosing my faith. Loosing it in many things. I know in my heart though I believe it is just a battle within my head. My soul maybe?? It is making me sad.
Also, I think I am sick. My stomach, my head and stuffy nose. I think Cooper has a stuffy nose. Didn't sleep well last night and today I still feel like I am going to throw up. A mommy doesn't have time to be sick! I hope Cooper likes naps today.
My mind is a mile a minute

He hates his mobile

I haven't used it in quite a while. I turned it on and he looked up at it and the bottom lip came out and started to quiver. He started to cry. I turned it off and he was fine. Thinking it might be time to remove it! He used to like it too!

Please pray....

Phil has been up all night sick. I am taking him to a clinic sometime today. Please pray for healing for him. Thank you.

This is one of the many things that makes it all worth it

I just don't feel like talking

believe it or not.
There are too many things going through my head. Struggles I need to comprehend.
Oh well. Working on not being stressed and I know that the worst thing to do is not talk about it but hey....I don't feel like it. I like my mask today.
Afraid I am losing touch with God as well.
ok. I am done.

The best of the best of the best

We had learned about this yesterday in church. There was a video that talked about the steps that were required to become a disciple back when Jesus would have been a youth so back when he was alive in the world. How only the best went on. You studied and if you were the best at that stage you went to the next. If you were the best at that you continued and you became a disciple to the church if you were the best of the best of the best.
Pastor Susan had some really good points. I can't put them to words because I can't quote exactly what she said but I am sure I am going to end up saying things along the same lines.
The best of the best of the best. Crap! I am so not there. I am not the best even. I am a sinner. I have failed. I have done mistakes and have asked for forgiveness for them.
Jesus didn't care if you were the best of the best of the best. He was looking for you. Those that went back to continue with the family business because they weren't good enough to carry further to become a disciple. He called to those people and those being shocked dropped what they were doing and followed him. It didn't matter to Jesus how smart you were, how good you were just that you were His father's child.
I have struggled and still struggle with understanding why God has chosen me. Why me? I am not smart. I don't know the bible. He is proud of me. Why? What did I do to make him proud? I don't do extraordinary things. I am simple. I can't quote the bible. I know some verses but yet can't tell you where they are. I have sinned. I have failed but yet He still wants me? He still chooses me to come with him? Why?
Because I am His child. Unlike our Earthly parents that may shut us out, friends that may let us down and people that will just turn us away and call us failures. God is proud of me. He loves me. He keeps persevering to bring me to Him. Even when I hide.
Not being the best of the best of the best I feel like I am not worthy. To Him though I am. I am forgiven by Him. Loved unconditionally by Him.
I may feel like I am a bad mother sometimes and like I am failing my child in so many ways but God believes in me. He chose me to become a Mommy and that is the greatest gift He has delivered to me. I am not the best but I am good enough in God's eyes. I am His child therefore I am always the best to Him. Even through the sin he will forgive me. He won't let me down. He calls me to follow Him even though I have no idea what I am doing. But being the Masterful teacher He guides my steps, and urges me to continue. I can with His help.
I am good enough for Him. He believes in me. A failure, a sinner, a human being with mistakes and He still holds me in His arms and trusts me and calls me to Him.
I am glad that I may not be the best of the best of the best because being the human I am I am privledged and blessed enough to be His even though I feel I am not.
I hope this made sense!

Can you believe it??

Little Miss Payton McLatchy is 2 today!!???!!!
I will never forget the day you were born. You sure have grown up little Miss. We all love you. Can't wait to see what you will be teaching your cousin.


Love you Little Miss. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Look what I saw when....

I went to check on a little boy I know!!



Isn't that hillarious!!
I am just glad I caught it a second time without him seeing me!

What a wonderful start to the day - seriously

Cooper woke up at 5:50am for a feed. By the time I was done it was 6:20. DH's alarm was to go off at 7. So I decided to have a bath. Had a nice long relaxing bath. Hear the alarm go off so I got out and made Phil's lunch and our breakfast. Just before he was about to go to work he went in to say goodbye to Cooper. Cooper was awake and wanting cuddles so that is what Daddy did.

Then after Daddy left for work Cooper and I went for a walk. Just the two of us. It was wonderful. It is a nice cool brisk day and it felt great to get out.

To top it off Cooper is down for a morning nap. The third load of laundry is in the wash. And the second load in the dryer. That's right!! My dryer is fixed. One load is folded and ready to put away. Oh.....I heard the dryer stop. Second load done!
I feel great this morning. So far the day has started off wonderfully. I got smiles and laughs from the little man and now I am getting some laundry done. Just hope the rest of the day goes well. I guess it will if I make it that way. Take it easy. Step by step.
Sigh........I feel good.

warning for thos that read this blog... vent ahead

I am having a frustrated day! My dryer is broken. I have 4 loads of laundry tht need to be done. Maybe I need to take them to the laundromat. That is money!!
I just got back in from trying to get Cooper a pair of shorts for a wedding we are going to on Saturday. Khaki ones rather then jean ones. I just don't think jeans should be worn to a wedding. So you would think with it being summer it would be no problem - right!?! WRONG!! All the darn fall stuff is out. Plus you would think there were no little boys in this world. The lack of clothes to choose from is so frustrating. I just need a pair of shorts!!!!
Oh and my carpet needs to be cleaned. Waiting until I have help from hubby. He is always on the go. I had to book an appointment with him so that he could look at the dryer.
One of those days where I just want to crawl under a rock and hide. Then I look down at my son and he smiles up at me. I realize it really doesn't matter in the whole scheme of things. Still needed to vent though!

This is cute...

a story about Cooper....
Well kinda...
It was my birthday on the 4th of July. I got an email from COOPER. I was like what the heck!! I opened it and it was a birthday card for me.
I asked Phil if he created the account and he said no. So did my friends. No one is admitting to it. So I send my son an email. THis is what it said and the response I got back:

Misty wrote:
this is mommy.
I have to give whoever helped you create this account tons of credit! Now
you just need to tell mommy who it is! Who is this? You are confussing me.
I just wanted to thank you for the birthday card my little man. Made me cry.
I love you so much. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And thank you to
the adult that helped you!
Love:
Mommy



From Cooper:

Hi Mommy!!

Glad you liked your card. I like being able to send to stuff and tell you how much I love you. You are a wonderful mommy and I think you are doing a great job(and it's my opinion that matters!!) As to who is helping me, I think I'll keep it a secret a little longer. This is fun!!

Love your Cooper


Now how flippin cute was that!!

"Cousins"

Payton and Cooper. Wednasday, July 12, 2006.

I've got a jealous little man

and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Last night Phil and I went over to the neighbours house. Phil had Cooper. The neighbours just got their adopted son. Finally were able to bring him home. He is exactly one week older then Cooper.
I was holding little Aiden and he started to fuss. What did I do? The same thing I do with Cooper. Whispered shhhhh and rocked him while holding him in a cradle position. Phil turned and Cooper found me. Saw what I was doing and started to cry.
It was like, "That is my Mommy! Mommy, what are you doing?"
I thought he was crying just because Aiden was but when Phil turned so Cooper didn't see me the crying didn't bother him at all. Then when he turned back towards me and saw me again he started to cry again. Harder.
Gave me a sense of peace. That even after a tough day my son knows me. He knows that I love him and he doesn't want to share me with anyone else. Made me feel really special.
We are going to cuddle this morning now cause he just doesn't seem to want to nap on his own this morning. That is ok. I am not going to get this time back. I just hope I don't regret it later on when he is older. Am I so wrong?
That is my special little boy and I really don't mind that he is a little jealous. I know he loves me. What a feeling.

When it rains...

It pours.

But I think I can see the Son.

Check out the pouty lip!!

That's my boy!
More pictures in My Fotos.

Daily Christian Wisdom

I think that if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves.

-C.S. Lewis

Ouch, that hit me in the spot!

Babies have THEIR own agenda

I have been told constantly over and over that "he's a baby, that's what babies do." When I feel frustrated at something.
I have learned that that little sentence is more true then I would have ever thought.
Cooper is a really good baby and I am so grateful for that. I thank God all the time. I don't mean to complain but I find myself doing so. I justify it to myself by saying that I am just frustrated and I need to vent. But those I vent to are probably sick of me.... :(
Anyway....I would like to tell you about yesterday.
Cooper tends to fight naps every so often. Yesterday was a scream fest for an hour. Every five minutes I would go in there and calm him down. Then walk away. I reassured him that I was still here and it was just a nap and that he is ok. That may sound mean to some of you out there and make me sound like a bad, mean mom. I hope not but if so, then you are entitled to your opinion. I just hope it doesn't make me out to be a bad guy. What I am about to say really worked for us. He slept for 2.5 hours that nap.
At night time Cooper was really good. He would always just go down with no problems. Bath, book, feed and then bed. He knew the drill. He still does and I think he fights it cause he doesn't want to go to bed.
The last three nights he has been crying when we put him down. Last night we tried the letting him Cry It Out. (CIO) Not for long mind you. He would cry, never to the point where he was beside himself, and then we would go in. This way it would help him to learn to soothe himself. I will tell you it was SO hard to do.
So it started. He cried for 5 minutes. Then Phil went in there for 5 minutes to just calm him down and reassure him. It wasn't a super hard cry just a normal I am complaining cry. Phil patted and rubbed his back for five minutes. Didn't say anything to him, didn't pick him up. Just reassured him by letting him know we were there. Feeling his presence. Then after 5 minutes of doing that he walked out.
Cooper started again. Ok...5 minutes... then it was my turn. I took my five minutes rubbing his back, patting his back and rubbing his hair. (he loves that) and then walked out. I didn't talk or pick him up. When I went in there at first he looked up and smiled. Like he just needed to know I was still there and I was and he was happy with that. I walked out. He started to fuss then all of a sudden all was quiet. It was 1/4 to 9. 9:30 I fell asleep.
Then this morning I woke up looked at the clock and it was 5:10am!! No peep out of Cooper. I peeked into his room and he was still asleep, still breathing. So I went to the washroom. Went back to bed and that was when he woke up realizing that he was HUNGRY!
So I fed him and he was back in bed by 1/4 to 6. It is now 1/4 to 8 and he is still sleeping. He went through the night! I feel rested. I feel good. I know that today and tonight may not go as smoothly but I can still hope...
He has always done really good at night and I know that I am VERY fortunate. Thank you God for the sleep. I even thanked Cooper when I got him up to feed this morning. Not bragging or anything cause we do have bad days. And I give so much credit to those mom's out there that have to deal with a colicky baby on a regular basis. I don't know how you do it!

Birthdays...

so as my 27th has now come and gone I find myself reflecting a bit. Dangerous, I know. Really it was only just another day. Another day that found me frustrated that I had nothing to wear cause I still have my baby weight to lose. But then I found myself thinking and realizing that I would do it all over again for my little boy. In a heart beat. He looks up at me and smiles and that was the birthday gift I needed.
Now, every year (except this one and I am not sure why) my mom calls me at 9:52pm to say happy birthday. The time that I was born. I always did think it was kind of silly until this year and the time went by and there was no phone call. I actually felt disappointed. Maybe she just forgot. Why feel bummed about that?
I realize now though how important that time was for her. How important it was to call me at that exact time. Remembering the birth of her first child and only daughter. I get it now.
6:40am God blessed our lives with my handsome son. 6:40am, the sun was just flowing through the room the second he was born. There he was, on the bed and the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and the room brightened with God's light. Easter Sunday my son came into this world. The significance of that day forever etched into my mind. The beauty of the moment. The reason why I will always wake my son up at 6:40 am just to tell him happy birthday and that I love him.
The meaning why my mom always called me at that specific time makes more sense to me now. Now I understand. The exact moment that my life was changed forever. The exact moment when my heart filled with so much love that I didn't ever think it was possible to love someone that much. (no offense to my husband) Just when I didn't know if my heart would ever be able to love him like I wanted I was proven wrong as I looked down at what we had created together. What God had blessed me with forever.
Birthdays seemed to have a whole new meaning to me this year.

We're back!

I took lots of pictures. Go here to view them.

We were totally amazed at how well Cooper took this weekend. We still gave him bath times and story. We still did the bedtime routine. The first night he was SO tired. He slept from 9 to 5. Then the next night he did his normal thing of 9 to 2. He was such a good boy. Naps were a little hard but he got lots of cuddles.
Grandma got to see happy baby in the morning. That is his happiest time.
We went for a walk. We went on the boat too.
Man, the boat was hard for me to do with Cooper. I cried before we got on. I was so scared. I was nervous and anxious. It was time to go on the boat and I hesitated. I cried. (side note - Daddy is playing with Cooper right now and he is LAUGHING!)
The boat ride went well. The life jacket looked pretty funny on him. He was learning to drive the boat with Grandpa at 2 and a half months!!

It was a beautiful weekend. No burns. No mosquito bites on Cooper, Mommy took them for him!
There were a lot of firsts for him this weekend. First time in a tent, on a boat, camping, in a hammock, seeing fire (he was mesmorized by that one!) and first time hiking down to a river.
We had so much fun. He was in the playpen with a bug net over it and I was so surprised at how well he did. He had a touque on, socks on his little hands and a thick blanket. The funny thing is that at night time he had managed to turn himself slightly more then 90 degrees in the playpen. Now, I have to watch him in the crib. He is pushing more with his feet and moving a bit.
At first he did NOT like the life jacket then he calmed down. Then he fell asleep listening to the roar of the boat. It was too cute.
I am sure that I will think of more to write later but for now that should be enough. Any questions, ask away. Just in case I forgot something. hehe.....
Now the unpacking, the washing and the resting begins. Glad to be home though.

Signing off for the weekend.....

we are leaving for camping tomorrow morning. Please pray for a safe weekend for us. And that Cooper will take well to this change. Hehe......

Updated

Fotoblog
Updated pictures of Cooper's Dedication, Father's day and just because he is so cute!

A sad day of sorts

I am sad. For a weird reason. Cooper goes into size 2 diapers next package. He blew through the size 1's, which he has never done so being a first time mom I have no idea what that meant. But have decided that it is time to go up a size.
My baby is getting big!! waaaaaa.........
It is exciting to watch him grow but at the same time I find myself wondering, "where did my baby go?"
He was playing with Daddy this morning and Daddy said, "HI..." and we swear we heard a slight little "hi..." The laughs are coming. Cooper is growing up and I really don't want to miss a thing.

I'm gonna cry...

We were just about to head out for the day. I put Cooper in the back seat and went to deal with the stroller. I heard something and it sounded like he was choking. I looked at him and sure enough he was choking to the point that I frantically reached to undo his car seat to sit him forward or pull him out. As I reached for him he threw up! A whole lot too. There was a puddle of it under his butt. He even had it coming out of his nose. I just can't seem to laugh this one off. It was running out his nose and mouth and he was just looking up at me helplessly. I got scared. Called hubby and he said that he was probably fine. Came back upstairs and took a part the car seat to wash it. But first I just held onto Cooper. He cried. I cried and heck I still am.
He is now out. He had a rough night last night therefore I didn't get much sleep either. I feel so bad for him. I feel so helpless, confussed. Is my baby sick? Is it ok to still go camping? We leave Friday morning.
Well, he is sleeping so should I.

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One of the many reasons I love him so...

Bright blue eyes and big beautiful smiles.

Giving up control

My neighbor's have been in the process of trying to adopt a child for years. They used to do foster care and all their home studies and such is done. They are just waiting for a baby.
They had just decided that they were going to tell their case worker that they were going to just put it off and wait two years. The husband was going to go to school in the fall. They had decided just to let it go. Not to stress about it.
Guess what happened! They got a phone call. There is a newborn, well he is actually two months, that needs to be adopted through a closed adoption. Which is what they were doing. Cooper and this baby will be the same age! They can be little play buddies.
She looked so upset and she said the only thing is that he has acid reflux. I said that is the only thing? She said it was. I told her a bit about acid reflux and that it is manageable. She looked so relieved.
The mom of this baby doesn't want him. No one in the family wants him. How can you NOT want a baby! He is a little under developed due to being in the hospital since birth and no stimulation. How sad. The nurses hold him and talk to him but it is not the same as love from a parent. One on one time with someone. They are 75% sure that they will be getting this child.
God has answered their prayers. I just pray that this is His will and it will work out. They will know in a few weeks so if I could get help praying that would be awesome.
It really made me think. Think about giving up control and letting God deal with it. Just as they decided that they would just not stress out about it and decided to just try to let things go they get the phone call. They took it out of their own hands and thus it was in God's. God gave them that call. I hope and pray that it will be His will for them to be united with this little baby. As they gave up control God came in and it was almost like He was saying, now let me do my work. I have been waiting for you to just let it go into My hands.
I have been trying to give up control in many areas and this just shows me that when we give up control and the desire to have it done OUR way, in OUR timing God comes through. Sometimes may not be right away but always in His timing. Him having the control makes it all worth the while.
(I hope I made some sense! hehe)

Phil's Father's day gift

Don't mind the poor quality of the photo. Indoor, and no flash.

Your husband is busy; please leave a message

I know Phil is busy when I have to call him and book an appointment to get him to install the remote keyless entry on my car!
The poor guy has been on the go so much but we have been praising and thanking God. He has had steadier work, side jobs and is going to school to help advance his position at his job. Thank God for all of it. Tomorrow is his last school night then I get my husband back!
I really give single parents credit. They don't get the credit and praise that they deserve. I am only alone two days out of the week. (besides day times) and I find it hard. So much to do. So little time. Little things Phil does that I have to do as well as my normal stuff on those nights he isn't here.
Here's to all those single parents out there that are doing the jobs of both parents. Striving to keep their children happy while keeping a thread of sanity. I really do give you credit. I can't do it. I am amazed at those that can. Way to go. Good job and keep up the wonderful things you all do!

Cooper got his first shots today

...And I think mom took it harder then the baby did!!
It just tore at my heart! I had to hold him sitting on my lap facing sideways with his head against my tummy. He was cuddled in and he was liking that position. My hand went onto his leg to hold that still while he got the needle. The first needle went in. He cried but then uh-oh...there was a second. He cried even harder. Nothing is more painful then hearing my little boy cry in pain and there was nothing I could do about it.
Then I had to turn him around so she could put TWO MORE in his other thigh! I didn't sign up for this! (well, I did but I tell you just before going in for the appointment I wanted to cancel!)
He was looking up at me, his whole face and head bright red from crying so hard. He looked up at me just as the third needle went in and he screamed at the top of his lungs and the tears fell. From both of us. I told Daddy that I couldn't do it! One more shot. I was crying good and so was Cooper.
There, the shot was done. I pulled him closer to me and kissed him and hugged him. Then started to feed him. He was still crying and pulling off. Went into the waiting room for our 15 minutes of wait time to make sure there was no reaction and continued to feed him. I kept apologizing over and over. Telling him I was so proud of him and he was so brave. He was such a good boy. So he calmed down and was eating away.
Then I would hear the next baby cry as they were getting their shots and it all would come back to me and I would cry again. Just remembering the way he looked up at me. Those beautiful blue eyes looking beyond his bright red eyelids and face. Looking up at me as if to say, "Mommy make them stop." MAN!! I am still tearing up thinking about it.
He is such a trooper. No Tylenol. Little bit of a fever but we are watching it. Cuddled with a mommy that felt really bad. I even stopped at the rest stop on the way to Aldergrove to make sure that he was ok.
Before we went in I prayed to God for Him to protect Cooper. He did. Cooper took it better then I did. I am already dreading the 4 month shots that are coming up in August.
My little man was cooing and smile before we even left the health unit and as I sit here now he is talking to his duck and smiling away. It really is tough being a parent. How many times can my heart break!?!

First Fathers day

And our little boy was dedicated.


Our beautiful family


It was a wonderful day. Cooper was awake for his dedication and we got a first little bible for him from Pastor Greg and Pastor Susan. More pictures to come but baby is in bed and that is where I am headed too!!

Hehe.....Looks like my baby is up to something!

from a devotional I got yesterday...

"The Lord is with yu, mighty warrior." Judges 6:12

I found this particular verse rather interesting. Every time I am feeling stressed out or that I am not doing a good job as a mom Phil always tells me, "The Lord is with you."
I find it neat cause I didn't know that those specific words were found in the same sentence in the bible. I really do think God is telling me something.
Thank you God for being with me. Always.

My son after a bath

in his very own housecoat! They came with slippers too but were a bit too big. Man!! I could just eat him up! hehe



Mommy and Cooper

Matthew 6:25-34

You know, I have been given this verse before. Yesterday it came into my head and this morning I read it in the devotionals. I think God may be telling me something while I sit here and go about day to day worrying about something in particular.


25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I LOVE this picture

Thanks Michelle!

Angels

I, personally, believe in angels. I have since I was little even though I didn't come to Christ until about 7 years ago. I always knew there was someone protecting me and I always knew that someone was watching over me. My guardian angel.
I believe that when we are small we have more of an open mind about it. Like Cooper for example. I believe that he can see his guardian angel. I believe that when I look in on him and he is looking up cooing away and flailing his arms he is talking to his angel. It gives me a wonderful feeling of peace knowing that he is being watched over. Sometimes it sounds like he is having a conversation with the angel. I believe it strongly.
I believe that as we grow up we lose that touch with our angels. With God and it is harder for us to see them or hear them. We are bread into society and our minds get full, clustered and lost to the voice that we had heard since babies. As we grow and become more and more busy with our lives we lose that voice. We lose the sound of the music that God is playing. (Sunday's sermon)
I pray every night for protection over Cooper and when I leave that room I feel safe knowing that he is protected his is watched over and every time I hear him coo and see him smile into what I see as nothingness I smile. My heart feels a little warmer and I wish that I could see what he sees. After all, before he was conceived, before he came into this world I am sure that he talked with Jesus. Makes me wonder if he knows whether or not he will have a sibling in the FAR future. ( ;-) ) What was it like talking to God? What did he say? Did Cooper know his angel before he came to Earth?
I know I may seem like a nut job to some of you that are reading this but it doesn't matter. It is what I believe. How else can I explain it. Kind of like when I stand over him just watching him sleep his angel is there with him too. Really makes me feel good.

WOW!!

Yesterday Cooper did little cat naps all day. 20 minutes here 30 minutes there so I was worried about last nigh cause I was worrying that he may have the same pattern. 8:30 last night I put him down. I went to bed at 9:30. Cooper woke up at 5 am!!! 8 and a half hours later! I got 7 hours of sleep. (I fell asleep at 10). SO I fed him and put him back down by 5:30 and it is now 8 am and he is still sleeping. I love my baby!
We are so fortunate and I thank God all the time. Cooper is such a good baby! We are so lucky.

He's so cute!! Updated pictures here.

Schedules

If you know me you know how much I personally thrive on a schedule and routines. So trying to develop one for a new born is something that I feel is a necessity. I think I just may be nuts though!
He has a bedtime routine. He has a bath, a book, gets fed then goes to bed. We call it the 4 B's. You figure it out! He has thrived on the routine. I have been wanting to set a daytime one too.
Being a newborn he makes sure I am on my toes.
Cooper is a very good baby. He sleeps well and we are VERY, VERY fortunate. We thank God all the time. So don't get me wrong with what I am about to say.
Tonight Cooper has decided to throw us for a loop. He is fussy tonight. Of course I start with beating myself up worrying what I ate may have done something. But that is a vicious cycle I really don't like going through. I think he is just being a baby. Wanting some cuddles but I don't want him used to falling asleep by cuddling with someone. But he is a newborn and he just wants to be held.
Tonight I am racking my brain. What did I do wrong? What did I eat wrong? Time to quit beating myself up and just realize that Cooper is just being a baby. He is uncomfortable and needs the attention. It is one night. He sleeps well and we are fortunate.
Don't get me wrong. I know how fortunate we are. It is just a moment and we take it as it comes. I just wish I knew what I could do for him. Sometimes I just feel so helpless. He is setting me to his schedule. Sometimes it sucks to be so persistent on order. sigh...
What a good baby. Mommy just needs to learn to relax.

YUCK!!

I know that I am over that nasty flu but this morning - I tell ya! I must have eaten something wrong or something! I didn't do Tae-bo all that long but man does my WHOLE stomach hurt! Cooper just got up so maybe all I need is some tummy time with my son.
He is such a good little boy. we are so blessed.