tink.......tink........tink........tink...tink...tink
The sound of the rain pounding on my car. First it starts off slowly and barely audible. Then all of a sudden the wind kicks up. The rain pelts down on my side windows coming at the vehicle sideways. I give my son a kiss on the forehead then get into the drivers seat. The wind kicks up yet again. The rain gets louder. Pulling out of the driveway. Trying to make a left turn. Fun times! Considering the second MVA I was ever in was in the rain making a left hand turn. My dad was driving.
So starts the drive. I hate driving in the rain. Even more behind semi trucks. My first MVA was when I was driving behind a semi in the rain and then lost control and did a ping pong ball effect between two meridians. I had been heading east bound but when the car finally came to a stop I was facing west. Just missed the bridge and missed all other vehicles.
Hate is a strong word but it is a necessary one. I hate the rain. I hate driving in it. I hate being passenger in it. I love puddle stomping but hate it when it is me in a car. I think I have every reason to.
White knuckled hands embrace the steering wheel so that I can get where I am going. Gotta drive. Can't avoid it every day. A semi merges into my lane and I have a moment of panic. But I stick to the road. What happens if he were to hit me? Would my baby be ok? What would happen if we were in an accident? Would the ambulance separate us? All thoughts in the matter of seconds.
Then it came to me. Pray.
So I did. Driving the speed limit down the road asking God to get us safely to our destination. The mist and cloudy dreary look of the sky. The lack of ability to see. I am doing 80. Three car lengths behind the person in front of me. In the slow lane. Still doesn't stop the many other drivers from sucking up on my bumper. The only thing I see in my mirror is grill. I pray again. They fly past me. I am amazed they don't lose control. Hands clutching the steering wheel, music off and focused on the road.
Thinking about my baby sound asleep in the back. Secured in his specially designed seat. Praying and knowing that we are safe. That we will make it to our destination.
So we made it. Thank God. We are safe. Thank God. I just get scared every time and now that there is a baby in the car the need to be that much safer is evident.
Thank you God that you are there to listen to the little prayers. The little ones over and over that I mutter. Thank you that you listen. Thank you that you care. Thank you that we are safe.
One day I won't be afraid anymore. Right??

There are so many things going on right now! I need to talk it out. It is all petty stuff but enough to make me feel stressed out.

1. I have to go to the dentist tonight in 1.5 hours. 6:00pm. So, I am tryingto get milk for Cooper. Thank God I have frozen stuff. But now it is a matter of restocking what I am taking out and that is tough.

2. My MIL is coming to watch Cooper for the first time. I have to lay everything out for her and go over what needs to be done and what she can do. I know sounds dumb but that is what I need to do in order to keep my sanity. I have to explain how we do the bottle. To take another one out of the freezer if needed.

3. My husband isn't home tonight. It would be so much simpilar if he was. (I keep thinking about my milk. Must increase supply) Trying to figure out how to get our friends car out to them when he is done working on it. Thinking that they need to come here and get it.

4. There is a retreat we were invited to this weekend. I want to go. Not sure if Phil still wants to. Someone has paid for us. Wow. So now we should be going. Just didn't think it would be so hard to plan a day away from my son. What he needs. When to bring him up to us so that I can feed him. I don't know what to do. What time to drop him off at the Aunts house.

5. To top it all off Cooper has spat up on almost every nice shirt I have. Teach me to wear things that made me feel normal. So I am worried that they are all stained. A few of them I keep trying to get it out but hasn't worked yet. So what am I going to do? I am running out of shirts. Looks like I have to wear a summer one to the dentist.

6. My poor kids teeth are buggin him and he is a wee bit fussy.

sigh...thanks I think that is it for now. I need to go and get things ready for tonight....why do I feel so stressed out? It isn't like the retreat is tomorrow. I have two days to try to get milk to replace the other stuff. It's not like I don't have any in the freezer. Just didn't think it would take so much brain power to go away for a day. Not sure if I can handle leaving him that long. I can do it. Can I?

Yesterday Payton and I....

baked Cookies while Cooper and Michelle had a bit of a nap. It was fun! Cooper woke up just in time for the first batch to finish. It was a nice Auntie and Payton moment.

Cooper got presents all the way from Germany

Check it out!!

OH MY!!! He crawled TO me....

on purpose!! Cooper was fussy. Just woke up from his nap. I asked him, what's up? I said, "cooper, Milk?" While signing it and put my hands down to his level and asked again. "Do you want milk (insert sign here) and he came right to me! I take that as a yes!! That was cool!

GROSS!!

*warning* Not for the queesy.
Ahhh...life with a baby...
In Cooper's defense it was my own fault. I was playing with him, up in the air and tickling him. He just ate. Silly Mommy! So up in the air he goes and out comes the milk! I had just taken my glasses off so that he wouldn't be pulling at them. And where did the vomit go? RIGHT INTO MY RIGHT EYE!! In my hair, down my back and arm too. So in the exersaucer he went. In front of the bathroom door and into the shower I went!
You know those videos where you see the baby throw up on the adult? I used to laugh. NOT ANYMORE!! EWWWWWWW!!!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

From Cooper!
My friend sent me a halloween costume. It is so soft and I love the orange.

Mommy's little boy

My son is a water baby!!

Just like his mommy! Do you think he is enjoying his tub?!!

I am having so much fun!!

Making my own baby food!
I just finished the peas. Am working on the carrots and will go to apples and blueberries next. I am having so much fun! And knowing what is in my sons food makes me feel good too. It is so easy and fun. I am glad that as of now I can do it!

I grossed out Sue and Phil

as you may remember Cooper has a cold. There are many times that I have to use the suction bulb just so that he can breathe. *Warning....not for the queesy....* I was at my friends house and he was all plugged up and of course I didn't have the suction bulb with me. What was I to do. My kid couldn't breathe. He was over tired but couldn't fall asleep cause he just couldn't get the air in.

so what did I do????

I layed him on the big bed and held down his arms then put my mouth completely over his nose *warning....gross* sucked. I would suck then check. The wipe with the kleenex. A few round of that and he was all clear.
Yes it is gross but my son was able to breathe and slept for an hour. I would do it again in a heart beat. Anything for my little boy.

Daily Christian Wisdom

Prayer is the most powerful means of overcoming any kind of discouragement. It connects you with an omnipotent, omniscient Father who loves you unconditionally, who sees where you are and is going to help you in it.

-Charles Stanley

motoring along

So Cooper is just a motoring along. It is cute actually. Well today I had to put a lock on the kitchen cupboard. You know the one. With the garbage in it and the chemicals. It is neat to see him truckin along. He sees something, gets a look at it then decides he wants it and he is OFF!!
Guess we are baby proofing more as we go. He will let me know. Just need to watch the little man. What do I do with the kitty litter though?

Yep complaining again

no wonder barely anyone reads this blog anymore.

It is 1am. Cooper has been up for a hour and a half. A child being sick sucks! Tried the acetaminephen and then Phil tells me that he is not sure if that will make him drowsy or not. May break the slight fever. Nope, not drowsy. The couch cusions are on the floor of his room with the blanket over them and my pillow just calling for me. But Cooper has other plans.
Supposed to go to my MIL's today. Not going. Not answering the phone. Don't want to go online. Don't want to be around ANYONE. Yes I am a grump. So be it.

In for a long night

Last night he got up three times. Totally unlike him. I am totally zonked. He barely ate at all today. Turns out he has a bit of a cold. AGAIN! Poor kid!!
It is 10:54 pm. He went down at about 8:30 pm. This is awake #3. Daddy pulled out a blanket and went to crash on his floor so mommy could get some sleep cause I am at the end of this rope that seems to get shorter and shorter. Every time he falls asleep he gets stuffy. So the matress is elevated. Gave in and gave him tylenol. Daddy has him on his chest. He is screaming. Sigh....we are in for a long night.
Pray.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5:58 am
He has decided that he should be up. sigh. We were up a total of 9 times last night. I took over just after writing the blog for Daddy. I told him to go to bed. I slept on the floor of Cooper's room. The first few hours of the night was every hour being awake. Once it was even twice a hour. Poor little guy gets congested and can't breathe. There was a stretch where we got 2 hours.
Needless to say I am so tired I could cry. I probably will. Yes I am whining. Yes I am complaining but (warning: grump in me coming out and after last night I am sure you can understand why I feel grumpy) if you don't like it then come back another day when I can be all cheery and bubbly for you. Cause today it just aint gonna happen!
Lord give me strength. and sleep..........

A sad morning of Sorts

I had to lower Cooper's crib matress this morning. It kinda makes me sad. Just means he is growing up. No, he isn't pulling himself up yet so I really didn't have to worry but I kept having these nightmares that he would fall out of his crib cause the matress was too high. And I had a terrible gut feeling that he would hurt himself so rather then waiting for that to happen I lowered the matress.
It is weird. Now he can see through the crib over the bumperpad. I still didn't take it out yet cause he likes to push his head against it so the top of his head is up against it so I would rather that in there then not. He could reach the top of it when the crib was higher too.
Sigh...first cereal, soon veggies, scooting around the house (almost figured out the moving of the hands) and now the crib! So sad.
But man is it ever amazing to watch and I am so glad that I am priveledged enough to be able to. Where's my baby?

My Quiz

Copying this from a couple of friends of mine Kristy and Christy. Thanks girls!! hehe


1. What is your occupation? Wife and Mom
2. What color is your underwear? brown with flowers :)
3. What are you listening to right now? Cooper grunting away trying to figure out how to crawl.
4. What was the last thing you ate? meatloaf, potatoes, carrots & sausages (no wonder I am so tubby!! :P)
5. Do you wish on stars? Yes.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? blue
7. How is the weather right now? the sun just went down. Sunny today.
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Phil
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes!
10. How old are you today? I don't know. 27 I think :P
11. Favorite drink? milk. Chocolate or white
12. Favorite sport to watch? Gymnastics
13. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes
14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses
16. Favorite food? Garlic bread & Spaghetti
17.What was the last movie you watched? X-Men 3
18. Favorite day of the year? April 16. or Christmas
19. What do you do to vent anger? punch a pillow
20.What was your favorite toy as a child? my barbie
21. Fall or Spring? Fall I love the crispness of the air and the colors
22. Hugs or kisses? Hugs
23. Cherry or Blueberry? Blueberry
24. Do you want your friends to answer this? Either way.
25. Who is most likely to respond? Michelle
26. Who is least likely to respond? Josh
27. Living arrangements? Condo with husband and sonyou cried? This morning.
29. What is on the floor of your closet? do laundry baskets count?
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Ciara, Michelle
31. What did you do last night? Hung out with Phil, Sue and Dennis. Put baby to bed. Put myself to bed early.
32. Favorite smell? cedar wood, fresh cut grass and first rain fall on a summers day all rank up there
33. What inspires you? my sons smile (me too Christy!!)
34. What are you afraid of? SPIDERS!!
28. When was the last time you cried? This morning
35. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese
36. Favorite car? Dodge Ram 1500 quad cab with a hemi under the hood!!
37. Favorite dog breed? never owned a dog but I think I like boxers
38. Number of keys on your key ring? 10? I think. Too lazy to get up and find them :P
39. How many years at your current job? wife: 5 years, mother: 6 months
40. Favorite day of the week? Sunday
41. How many states have you lived in? 1
42. How many cities have you lived in? 5?
43. Ever driven a Motorcycle or Heavy Machinery? Nope


HAVE FUN!!

Yet Again - I feel lost

I don't get it. I believe that I understand prayer. I believe in miracles, I believe in gifts from God and I believe that prayers get answered. So why am I at the point where I don't believe? Where I think that praying is totally hopeless? What is wrong with me?
I know prayer works. I know it deep down in my heart but I find myself lacking faith in the small prayers. Yet I am hesitant to write this cause then God will know what I am thinking and how I am feeling. Wait a minute! Who am I talking about here! He knows me better then I know myself. So is He going to punish me? Is He going to take away every blessing that He has given us? I sure as heck hope not!!
He is guiding us through situations and hardships. I know He is. There is just no other way to explain it. So why do I feel like I lack the faith? Why do I feel like I can't pray. Am I punishing myself? I obviously have more questions then answers. Afraid to ask the questions cause I am afraid of God being like an earthly person. "You don't believe? You don't want to pray? Then Forget it. I am taking it away. Stopping these steps you are taking." Why the heck am I feeling that way?
I can literally feel the battle. As you may be able to read it in my words. To pray or not to pray. That is the question.
I feel so lost. I keep praying for others. I will catch myself praying for the little things and while I am praying I can hear, "why bother asking about that. You just know that it isn't going to happen." I fight it. In my heart I know I do. I feel it. So I keep praying but then find myself asking why.
WHY?

"because this is where I want you."

What is with this battle? I can't fight this battle anymore.

"When you are weak I Am strong. You can fight this because I give you the strength."

So why don't I believe?

"It's not a matter of you not believing it is a matter of you wanting it in your own timing. But your timing is not My timing. Be patient My child. I am working it all out for your good."

You believe me right? You know that I believe in you right? You know that I don't want to let this faith leave? You know that I love you right?

"I know. I created you. I know your heart better then you know yourself. I know that you will have struggles but that is what I need in order for you to come closer to Me. Do not step away from Me. Keep fighting. I am your leader. I am your strength. I will never leave you. You will never be lost because I am your guide."

I love you.

"and I you My child. I you. I believe in you. You make me pleased."

WHOA....where the heck did that come from? Why do I have tears? God, was that you? Are you talking to me? I love you. I am sorry. Maybe I am not really as lost as I feel I am.

Thanks for the gentle reminder God

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Baby Weight"

I know, I know........It took 9 months to put on, it will take a year to get off. YEAH YEAH YEAH!!
Still doesn't help the way I feel. :P
I was walking every day. Now I have lost all ambition. I used to push my friend to go out for a walk, now she pushes me. :D
I need to start to get in shape. Have no ambition although I hate the way I look. Hate that I am still in maternity pants cause I am still too large for my regular clothes. I guess I shouldn't complain when I have no desire to work out. I don't want to lose my milk.
Maybe I will start jogging around the track tomorrow. Nah....How about next week??