Surfing the blogs

This morning I was doing my usual blog surfing when Erin's blog struck me. In a good way though.
Each section of her post got me to thinking and pondering. There really are some good stories mixed in. The one part that I am here to write about is the last section of her blog.

"My pastor laid out a very interesting plan for the men's group at church for the coming year.
1. Where would you like to be at the end of next year?
2. What do you need to learn to get there?
3. Together, let's go there."

Like most people would do, she has started to think about it and started with question number one. Now I know this question will probably be one that I ponder off and on for a long time.
Usually my first response would be, to own my own home. This time it was different. If it sounds silly to you then so be it but to me it sounds like a good plan.
I have decided that at the end of 2006 I would like to see myself at home with my son. Providing the love and experiences that he would need to grow. To help him learn about God. Yes, I do realize that he will still be less then a year old but still, learning starts off early. I would also like to see myself grow in Christ. To display the light to the world. To be an example of His patience, His love and His grace. To be more whole in Him.
Sure, purchasing my own home would be awesome but at the same time I know that will come when God is ready for me to have that. I may not have a house but I have a home. That is what matters the most. A home filled with love. Sure it has it's stressful times but what home doesn't? I would take a warm home over an empty house any day. One day I will own a house and make it into a loving, inviting home with God at its center, but right now just isn't the time. So it weighs on me but then at a time like this my husband comes into the room and kisses me on top of the head and walks away. Now that is what makes a home. God's love. Husbands love. Love.
Ok, so I trailed off the topic. My point is that in a year I want to be where God wants me to be. Albeit I don't know where that is but I will find it. He will show me. The main one I see is being a mom. Nothing can be better then that in my eyes.
So, as we start into this New Year I guess my resolution would be to stay open to what God desires of me. To be the woman He loves. To be the best I can.

Our Daily Bread

"God has a purpose in our heartache,
The Savior always knows what's best;
We learn so many precious lessons
In each sorrow, trial, and test." —Jarvis



(and dang it - heartache always hurts!)

Blessings from God

You know, this past year has had many ups and downs. Feeling the wilderness and experiencing it with a sad heart. I had come to the realization that God will pull me out of it. Have been asking for my eyes to be opened to Him and my heart more accepting to what He has planned for my life. Even though it is not what I may be hoping for that I need to trust in Him.
Yesterday I was thinking about all our blessings. Especially in the past few days. The love of family and friends. A roof over our head. A happy marriage. A baby on the way. In all reality it is really feeling like an awesome amount of blessings.
I found that this is when Satan will choose to attack. Last night I was sitting at my mom's house. Just reflecting over the last couple of days. How much God has blessed us with. The things that we didn't even think would happen. How happy I felt just sitting there and thinking about His wonders. About His Son. Then it happened. The ever famous attack that has been occurring since the beginning of time. Satan vs God.
My thoughts were solely focused on God. I was happy. Then it was crazy. All of a sudden I caught a few words out of the conversations that were happening around me. I got pulled into and sucked down by the distractions. The distraction of not being good enough. Not having the things that would make my life seem so much more full. Feeling jealous and down cause I didn't have those things. Satan threw those distractions my way. He won for a while. I let myself get sucked into the lies. That I wasn't good enough and that I should be doing this and doing that.
Upon reflection of it this morning I can almost see that battle that occurred on the night of our Savior's birth. The battle in the stars. The stars being thrown to Earth. The battle that still ensues today.
I didn't let myself focus on it long. I fought. I won. I had God. On the way home I was discussing it with my husband. The one thing that keeps playing over and over in my head and on my heart is the fact that I could be making more money. If only I had a better career. Then a feeling washed over me that was so strong I couldn't help but cry. Thinking about it now almost brings me to tears. (it could very well be the extra hormones). We were talking it out. We were praising God. Thanking God. Telling Satan to leave us alone. Then with tears in my eyes I turned to my husband and apologized. Apologized that I am not providing more for us. I said, sorry if this sounds selfish but really all I want to do is be a mom. I don't want someone else raising my child. I can think of no other job that could fulfill my heart and soul as much as being a mom would. The pull towards it is so strong that I can't ignore it. I don't care if I don't make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. I just want to be at home with my children. Shaping them and being there always for them. I could see no better job then that.
Phil just looked at me and said and that is what I believe too. He told me that he will do whatever he can possibly do to keep me at home. I felt like it would burden him. He said that being a mom is a great job.
You know, I have an amazing husband. Supports me in my decisions. Trusts God. Loves God. Loves me and this little baby.
In the midst of feeling selfish for wanting more I praised God more then ever with my whole heart. Learning to have that faith and trust in Him and knowing that He will only do what He feels is right for me. Sure I might not have all the bells and whistles that some have but I have His love. That is the greatest thing I can ever ask for.
I have come to open my eyes to all the blessings and it is like the song says, "Count your many blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done." Yeah it it sure did surprise me and there is no one else in this world that could have given me all these blessings then God. Blessings through my family. Through my friends. Blessings in disguise. I am so blessed. Thank you so much Father. That is all I can say. Thank you. I will never forget these blessings. This is where I needed to be right now. That is ok. I am blessed. I am loved.

Reflecting on Christmas

Growing up I was always aware of the Christmas story. Actually I knew that a baby was born on that day. It wasn't really until my adult years that I have learned the full extent of the story. I plan on changing that for my child, but that is besides the point.
This year I have stopped to think about it many times. That God sent His only Son to earth just so that He will end up dying for us. That He would not lead a full life but would instead die for the sins of those that were yet to be born. He would die for those exact people who persecuted Him. Who threw stones at Him and spat on Him. Wow. Now that is the most amazing gift I can ever think of receiving. Receiving the gift of Jesus.
This year with my son on the way I tend to try to imagine how Mary felt. That she was given this awesome responsibility to have a child that came straight from the Heavens. With the purpose of Him becoming our Savior. What went through her head when she sat there holding the new baby in her arms? Knowing that He was sent here for all man kind. Did she know? I almost feel like I wouldn't be worthy. But she was chosen. Out of everyone God chose her. Joseph stuck beside her. Man the ridicule from others. The snares and the rumors that flew! I bet there were more then a few of those. What a blessing it would be to sit there and know that you are holding the Son of God. The Chosen One. What a heartache at the same time.
As I picture them being turned away at the inn and settling for the manger my heart breaks. God knew that would happen. Why did He chose for it to happen that way? The battle that ensued in Heaven. The same kind of battle that still exists to this day. Imagine being one of those that saw the baby Jesus for the first time. Saw this baby face to face and knew that he would be King. What an act of Faith this day would hold for many. The whole journey in fact. Right from the start.
I don't know if I am trailing off as my mind seems to get so flustered and crowded when I start to think of the wonderful and beautiful blessing of Jesus being given to us. Being given to me. To you. Sinners. Imperfect people. Beggars. Tax collectors. Prostitutes. All one in the same. All saved by that precious little baby. What a job to have. A perfect man that did not sin hung from a tree. Cried out to His Father and knew in His heart that what He was going through was necessary for the future of all man kind.
Wow. What a gift. All of this amazing man wrapped up in swaddling clothes lying in a feed trough born on Christmas day. Not knowing His future. Not knowing His fate.
Our lives saved by this tiny baby in a manger.
I pray that as I go about this Christmas season I don't lose that image. The image of the baby sent for us. That blessed night.
On this eve of Christmas I would like to say Merry Christmas to all. I also pray that more then ever this season would be one where His presence is ever so dominant. Ever so obvious. I know He is in mine. Although I may still struggle to understand things there is one thing I know for sure. I am not worthy. I am a sinner saved by Grace and I am not worthy. To God I am. Jesus gave His life for mine. I am not worthy. To God I am.

Thank you Lord that I am worthy to be saved by your Son. Our Savior. Thank you for that precious gift so many years ago. The gift that I have accepted into my heart and soul. The gift that you found me worthy for. Thank you Lord.

What a message to hear...

... about LOVE. check it out.

The baby ate my brain!!

Or you can just call me blonde.
I layed out all Phil's stuff for him by his lunch this morning. His phone, his keys and his wallet so he will take it all at once. However, me and my usual forgetfulness asked him as he was going out the door if he had his phone. He didn't hear me, or so I thought.
The house phone rings and I see it is his cell number. I pick up and ask why he is calling the house phone rather then my phone. He says to me, can you bring me down my phone I left it on the counter. (I bet you have caught on but I sure as heck didn't). I said, I thought I put it by your lunch. It isn't here. Then in my moment of stupidity I said HEY!! That's not fair! You are calling me from your phone! He just started laughing his head off. I was laughing too.
I said that wasn't very nice and he said yeah but the funny thing is you fell for it.
Man!! I can be so brain dead. Oh boy. I think our son might be in trouble!

Heard Something Interesting

Phil heard a good quite, well I htought it was good, on the TV show house last night. It goes like this:

"You can't hate God without believing in Him."

I found that interesting. Yes there are some that hate Him but in essence they are believing in Him and probably aren't even aware. You need to believe in something if it is going to be hated. Hmmm....

More about our baby boy

This little man sure is moving lots lately. Daddy has been feeling him move and it is so cool to see. It is like LB plays a little game with us. I can tell Daddy that baby is moving and he comes over to feel him. As soon as the hand goes on the belly he stops. Daddy gets tired so he goes away and, yep you guessed it, there he goes again. It is cute.
I almost feel like he has a very layed back personality.
This Christmas I have been thinking more and more about Jesus. Just being pregnant with a son gets me to thinking all the time but is so hard to put into words. Maybe one day I will be able to blog it. Just such a feeling of awe.
I totally can't wait to hold this baby in my arms. Even though things are tough, and they will get harder but more manageable, I still can't wait. I can't wait to see his little face. Hold him in my arms. Just looking into the face of another baby makes me filled with joy. Anticipation. Awe. I just can't wait until he is here and he is in our arms. Our LB. Sigh...

Those Desert Places

We all have them. We have all been through them. Right now you might be like me and feel smack dab right in the center of them.
Looking around me I see nothing. No shade, maybe that is a little tree off in the distance. The ground is parched and dry. Cracked all around me like it is ready to open up and swallow me whole. Maybe that is a creek I am hearing. A vast sky all around with the light beating down. Could that be a cloud? I sense the little moments of hope. I know they are there but sometimes it is just so hard not to get wrapped up in the dry land. The wasted land. The hopeless feeling that comes with the lost.
I stand in the center looking around trying to find my way out. I get frustrated and in my eyes I see no way out in this near future. So I stand crying. The tears fall from my face and get sucked immediately into the ground. Pulled into the land that is thirsting for so much more. I thirst for so much more. I know that only Jesus can fill me fully. So I continue to look. Then I see Him. Like a tear streaked, snotty nosed, puffy faced child I reach up for Him. Daddy pick me up. Hold me. He does.
I look into His face and I sob for Him to just carry me right out of there at that exact moment. That I have had enough and I want it over.
I feel Him tell me, it is not time my child.

WHEN WILL IT BE! I sob.

Patient little one; only I know what I have in store for you right now and trust me that it will be ok and this will all work out.

I get agitated now. It won't work out. This is nuts. This hurts so much and I am tired.

I know child, I know. It hurts me to see you this way. I need you here at this moment in time. You need to understand that this too will pass. That this desert we are walking through will end and on the other side is exactly what I want for you.

I look back and I can see that we have taken some steps. Together. Little ones. Just keep going I think to myself. Just keep going. I can't do it on my own.
I let my Father hold me as I lay my head upon His shoulder. I tell Him that I am angry and confused as to why I have to go through this. I am sorry that I am mad and forgive me.

It is ok that you are mad. I understand your thoughts and your fears. I have been there too. Just know that you need to call to me and I will come running. I am right here. Never to leave. I send my angels to lift you up on their wings to guide you through. This too will end. It may not feel like it right now but trust me it will. You are not alone. You never will be.

I want to trust you so bad. Help me to open to the light you shine on me. Thank you that you are there.

We continue on together. He still holds me in His arms like it requires no effort at all. Like I am as light as a feather. I calm and the tears stop. Knowing that they may fall again I keep my head against Him. In the safety of His arms I look around. I can see the hope. I can feel the hope. I WILL have the faith. I may not see the end right now but the thing is that the One that is holding me so close to His heart knows that it is coming. That this desert will become a thing of my past. One that makes me stronger and continues to bring me close to Him. I will again walk through the green pastures. I shut my eyes and know that deep, deep down it will be ok. I start to drift off knowing that I am safe. Feeling His breath upon my hair and His arms so tightly around me. Being careful to hold to that Faith. To hold to that Hope. To hold to Him.
The desert sucks. It can feel so lonely. It is where I need to be and I need to be ok with that. Although that too seems like a struggle in itself, I think I almost am.

Crossroads

Stopping at the crossroads
of life,
I look behind
and see colors;
painted with love,
hope,
joy and
laughter.
I look ahead
and see black.
No colors,
no white.
I look into my hands
and see the paintbrush.
I hold
a new beginning.
A brush that will age,
that will color
and paint
the roads to come.
I'M SCARED!
But remembering all
my friends,
parents and
God who helped
me paint the previous
road,
I wonder;
"what color
should I
start with?"

Once again His timing is perfect

I got this devotinal from Purpose Driven Life today. Just moments ago. Some of the statements I needed to hear again. He knew it. Perfect, as usual.
Thank you Lord for the reminders.


"What time is Christmas this year? You find the answer in four statements the angel said to the shepherds at the first Christmas (Luke 2:10-14).

1. It’s time to release your fears! The first thing the angel said was, “Do not be afraid!” Fear is your greatest barrier to knowing God and fulfilling his purposes for your life. Fear is a self-imposed prison that keeps you from living the life God intends for you. So whatever you are afraid of - Christmas is the time to let it go. The Bible contains 365 "Fear nots” - one for every day of the year! It’s time to stop worrying and start worshiping. Stop tensing up and start trusting God.

2. It’s time to renew your faith! Next, the angel said “I bring you good news with great joy, and it is for everyone!” The Good News of Jesus keeps getting better because the bad news of the world keeps getting worse. The Good News is that God loves you, he created you for a purpose, you can know God personally by trusting in Jesus, and he wants you to spend eternity with him. God has really long range plans for your life! Christmas is time to come back to God.

3. It’s time to receive forgiveness! Next the angel said, “Today a Savior has been born for you; He is Christ the Lord!” If our greatest need was education, God would have sent a teacher. If our greatest need was health, he would have sent a doctor. If our greatest need was financial, he would have sent an economist. But our greatest need is forgiveness, so God sent a Savior. It doesn’t matter what wrong you’ve done, Jesus paid for it on the cross. Accept his forgiveness.

4. It’s time to rebuild relationships! Finally the angel said, “Peace on earth, and goodwill to all people.” Once you’ve accepted God’s forgiveness, He wants you to forgive everyone else. Who do you need to offer forgiveness to this Christmas? It’s time to make peace!

I am?

I knew I should have continued with School. Well: could've, should've, would've....

You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)

You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination. You were born to be a doctor.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Phil, me and baby at 22 weeks pregnant

Phil, me and baby at 22 weeks pregnant
Originally uploaded by Miss-Buggy.

Last Christmas before we become first time parents!! Isn't Sue's tree pretty?

My first gingerbread house

myfirstgingerbreadhouse
Originally uploaded by Miss-Buggy.

In all my years I never made a gingerbread house until today. It was fun.

When I worship, I would rather my heart be without words than my words be without heart.

-Lamar Boschman

God's Pure Light

"God is light; in him there is no darkness at all." 1Jn 1:5

So being followers of Christ we are in the light. We are not in darkness. In Our Journey they talked about how the most common verse used at funerals is the "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Ps. 23:4
Although this is used, says the devotional, at funerals it can be related to many aspects of our life. The valley that you may be walking through right now may seem dark and endless. The battles you are fighting may feel dark. The pain in your heart seems to engulf you and drag you into further darkness. Yet even in this darkness is the light. The light of God.
I see the light as a very bright one. Pure. Warm. Not hurting to the eyes. Bright, but not to the point where you want to turn away from it. On the contrary, you want to go to it. As you look into the light you are surrounded and engulfed by the warmth of His touch. The feeling of safety. The light grows and you know that it is ok. The light is everlasting. A gentle touch.
I have had this feeling before. The feeling of warmth on my skin. It feels like this is how God lets me know that He is right there. In those moments that I need it the most. Like a gift sent down from Heaven it touches me. It pulls me into Him.
We have the light. We are the light. We have Jesus.
As I battle things in my life I feel like I am all alone in the darkness. That there is no way out. But then there is the light. My way out. God. The only real way out. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I choose not to look for the light. If I get wrapped up in my self-pity and my hurt to even stop and look right in front of me and see that He is the light guiding me.
The verse out of Psalm 23 seems to strike me a little more now. The fact that it was put into terms that I could relate with. That I can understand. That even though these times are dark it is ok because I have the best protector there ever is. We have the best protector.
As the light surrounds me and reminds me of His beauty I am awed. The strength. The power. The gentleness. The love. So many other emotions wrapped up in the gift that He chose to open my eyes to. The gift that warms me to my soul. That makes me praise Him now more then ever. Even in the dark times learning to praise Him can be hard. You wonder what the heck you did to deserve it. It is not what I did or didn't do to "deserve" the valley. It is the way closer to Him. To remember His light and know that I will never be fully engulfed in the darkness. I will use the light to battle the darkness and to come through the valley. So will you.

Man I suck

Ok. This is just a little way for me to get this all off my chest.
Monday at work I hurt my back around 2:15 in the afternoon. Told the boss right away. I know the muscles are a little more sensitive. The box wasn't even heavy. I just lifted it wrong. That night it was tough sleeping and the next morning was my day off so I got in the bath. Felt alright. Most of the day it hurt. It hurt the worst though when I got in and out of the car or drove from Abbotsford to Mission. I am a delivery driver. How is this going to work.
Last night it started to spasm. All the way up my back. Shoot. I thought it might be doing better. Last night was a terrible night sleep. Couldn't get comfortable. Can't lay on my back being pregnant and when I layed on my sides it hurt the back. So I retired to the recliner and finally fell asleep for a few hours. Woke up and tried the bed again.
This morning it hurts to sit at the computer here. It hurts to stand and even bend over to put on pants! My husband had to help me. He wants me to go to work and tell them that I can't work today. Then to go to the doctors. I can't help but feel this immense sense of guilt. Letting Phil down. Work down. I asked Phil if I should just bite it and push through but he doesn't want me to further hurt myself. In and out of the car. But what if work makes me work? He said they can't. What if I get in trouble. He says I can't. It was a work related injury.
So I am dreading going into work to ask to fill out forms. To say I can't work we are short enough on drivers. But if I can't do it I can't do it. Why hurt myself further right?
I just can't help but feel though that once again I am being the burden in our lives. I hope that this doesn't mess up anything for my maternity leave. I need to go pray now...

About our little man

This morning I got the "privilege" of sitting in the dentist chair for an hour to get my teeth clean and a new set of impressions made for my night guard. I have been feeling little man more and more. Well, I am not too sure that he likes the dentist. The water pick thingy started and I guess the hum of it startled him cause I got a pretty definite kick. He seems a little quieter now but makes me wonder if these things are really passed down through the gene pool.
It was kinda fun and exciting though.
So much character already.

Endless Battles

I can't help but see how many battles there are going on right now in so many places. Within so many souls and with a variety of people. Whether they are Christian or not in some way or another Satan has really been having a "hay-day", so to speak, with so many of us. There was a moment in time when you could totally feel God moving through us and churches. As with many things there needs to be a battle for us to stay tight to the Savior that will save us all.
The closer we get to God the harder Satan pushes to pull us away. The thoughts to make us feel unworthy. The diseases. The hurt. The anger. Bitterness. Judgment. Hate. You name it he is trying to bring us away from God by using it.
We physically start to feel the strain. Feel the pressure and the weakness in our hearts. "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." It is the flesh that Satan chooses to play with. To pull at in any which direction in hopes that we will just give up with it all. Sometimes it almost feels like he succeeds. He doesn't though if we think about it.
Just as we may start to feel tired of fighting God shows us that we are not alone. The people that He puts in our lives are there to remind us of where we are and that they believe and that they will fight for us. We feel weak and tired of praying even. With a sense of quilt we catch ourselves stopping. Battling with doing what we know needs to be done. To drop to our knees and cry out to our Father. When we are knocked down so low it seems hard to drag ourselves up to that holy position. That is when we find out that even though we may have stopped God has put it on someone else's heart to start. To continue or to go more fiercely at it.
With everything going on it is hard to not see that it is a battle for our hearts right now. A battle that we know we must win. We know we will win. When we are wounded and down for the count God sends us someone to pick us up and to help us start putting the pieces back together one by one with the delicate tape of love and compassion.
When we feel like we can no longer go on He puts it on our hearts to reach out and ask for help. No matter how vulnerable we may feel at the moment He knows that it is in our best interest and it will work out. As we feel weak and ask for the help we see we are not alone. We see that others have been where we are. Or are even there right now going through the same thing. Our loving Father shows us how we need to lean on others for that support we were created to have. That we were created to need.
The battle seems endless and unforgiving. Painful. Hurtful. The closer we fall onto Jesus the more Satan fights. "GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN!"
I feel that there really is nothing wrong when we need to call out for that help. When we need to be vulnerable. Satan wants us to do it all on our own. He wants us to blame God and I can just see him squirm when we all of a sudden utter our thanks to our Father. Weak and tired from the fight and just not wanting to go on we thank God for Him. For His love and His blessings. I can just imagine the squirming. The scream of defeat. Although we may not yet feel the strength to continue to battle we cry out to God. We defeat Satan. God uses others to love us and pray for us.
So each of us sit going through our own sets of turmoil and troubles. We are not alone. Although we may not know it somewhere someone is fighting for us. With gentle words and love. In the end God will prevail. He always does. Keep the Hope alive in Him and we will travel through this. Together. As a family. Supporting each other without even knowing how to say the right words.
God sure is amazing. Blows me away so often at just how precisely He works out the details. He won't wear out or get tired from any of this. He is our strength and reassurance when we are weak.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

I was reading Erin's blog and I guess you can say that I got sucked in. She is having a contest to see what stories best catch her. I am not writing to "win" I am writing because once again she got me to thinking. And the fact that it sounds fun.
She says that she is "particularly interested in the concept of "waiting" and "anticipation" and how it all ties in to Christ, and the season." This is what has gotten me into a mode where I try to remember past events at Christmas. I have heard a lot about traditions lately and what they mean to you. Unfortunately I never grew up in a Christian home so the meaning of what Christmas was didn't exist for me. Sure I heard the stories but it rolled off me with no significant meaning. These past few years it seems almost as if it gets more and more understandable to me.
Some of my memories consist of getting a tree. Getting one for just us kids to decorate. It may have been a Charlie Brown tree sometimes but I always opted for the big full ones. Mom doing her own tree upstairs. Perfectly trimmed out upstairs and then when you go downstairs you knew us kids did that one. Waking mom up Christmas morning. She had to have her coffee before we could open anything but while she got her coffee ready we got to attack the stockings. We had stockings that were added to every year. Each year another inch or so was put on to represent the past year. Sometimes those stockings were bigger then us. Then we opened the presents. Played and went back to bed.
I used to get so excited when I was little that I couldn't sleep and would feel sick to my stomach. Every Christmas morning I would excitedly jump out of my bed to see if over night snow had fallen. Most of the time my heart had sunk. To this day I still get the excitement over Christmas. One year I even prayed to God asking if we could have snow for Christmas and sure enough it started on Christmas Eve. I still have trouble sleeping. Each year has meant a little more to me. Sitting staring at the Christmas lights. I can still sit there for hours and just be taken away by the twinkling that they do in between the branches. Or the lights on the houses. Absolutely beautiful.
This year is no exception, I am sure. This year I have continued to be in awe. Continued to think more and more about the Son that was given to us on that special day. The Son that eventually died for us. The more I think about God and Jesus the more I want to make sure that is a special tradition in my child's life. That this little man can be proud of what Christmas is and what it represents to it's truest sense of the meaning. That my kids would know the Christmas story and love it with all their little hearts. I am longing to make more traditions with my kids. Making cookies. Sitting together and reading the Christmas story. Not only for them to learn but for me to continue to grow. This Christmas is one where we sit closer to God then any before. This year the true meaning of Christmas is coming through for us. It's all about Jesus. All about our Savior. This year I am trying to embrace it as fully as I can and learn to hold Him as much as I can.
I love good memories. I can't wait to provide those for my child. For my child to know Jesus. To love Him and know the real meaning behind Christmas.