Blessings from God

You know, this past year has had many ups and downs. Feeling the wilderness and experiencing it with a sad heart. I had come to the realization that God will pull me out of it. Have been asking for my eyes to be opened to Him and my heart more accepting to what He has planned for my life. Even though it is not what I may be hoping for that I need to trust in Him.
Yesterday I was thinking about all our blessings. Especially in the past few days. The love of family and friends. A roof over our head. A happy marriage. A baby on the way. In all reality it is really feeling like an awesome amount of blessings.
I found that this is when Satan will choose to attack. Last night I was sitting at my mom's house. Just reflecting over the last couple of days. How much God has blessed us with. The things that we didn't even think would happen. How happy I felt just sitting there and thinking about His wonders. About His Son. Then it happened. The ever famous attack that has been occurring since the beginning of time. Satan vs God.
My thoughts were solely focused on God. I was happy. Then it was crazy. All of a sudden I caught a few words out of the conversations that were happening around me. I got pulled into and sucked down by the distractions. The distraction of not being good enough. Not having the things that would make my life seem so much more full. Feeling jealous and down cause I didn't have those things. Satan threw those distractions my way. He won for a while. I let myself get sucked into the lies. That I wasn't good enough and that I should be doing this and doing that.
Upon reflection of it this morning I can almost see that battle that occurred on the night of our Savior's birth. The battle in the stars. The stars being thrown to Earth. The battle that still ensues today.
I didn't let myself focus on it long. I fought. I won. I had God. On the way home I was discussing it with my husband. The one thing that keeps playing over and over in my head and on my heart is the fact that I could be making more money. If only I had a better career. Then a feeling washed over me that was so strong I couldn't help but cry. Thinking about it now almost brings me to tears. (it could very well be the extra hormones). We were talking it out. We were praising God. Thanking God. Telling Satan to leave us alone. Then with tears in my eyes I turned to my husband and apologized. Apologized that I am not providing more for us. I said, sorry if this sounds selfish but really all I want to do is be a mom. I don't want someone else raising my child. I can think of no other job that could fulfill my heart and soul as much as being a mom would. The pull towards it is so strong that I can't ignore it. I don't care if I don't make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. I just want to be at home with my children. Shaping them and being there always for them. I could see no better job then that.
Phil just looked at me and said and that is what I believe too. He told me that he will do whatever he can possibly do to keep me at home. I felt like it would burden him. He said that being a mom is a great job.
You know, I have an amazing husband. Supports me in my decisions. Trusts God. Loves God. Loves me and this little baby.
In the midst of feeling selfish for wanting more I praised God more then ever with my whole heart. Learning to have that faith and trust in Him and knowing that He will only do what He feels is right for me. Sure I might not have all the bells and whistles that some have but I have His love. That is the greatest thing I can ever ask for.
I have come to open my eyes to all the blessings and it is like the song says, "Count your many blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done." Yeah it it sure did surprise me and there is no one else in this world that could have given me all these blessings then God. Blessings through my family. Through my friends. Blessings in disguise. I am so blessed. Thank you so much Father. That is all I can say. Thank you. I will never forget these blessings. This is where I needed to be right now. That is ok. I am blessed. I am loved.