I love Cooper's face in this pic

Mommy and Cooper

this was taken the last day of Mom's group before holidays. My camera and setup. I like the pic even though he is not looking at the camera.

time flies

not sure when life started getting so busy!!
Cooper likes to sleep in the big bed at Auntie Sue's house. And lately at home he is wanting to be in a big bed. I am wondering if he feels trapped in the crib. I can understand the play pen cause it is significantly smaller. But the crib is pretty big. I am not ready for him to be in a big bed. wahhhh!!
Cooper says the odd sentence and more words. He is totally a sponge now!! Just now he asked for orange juice. He also will say Thank you mom. So amazing!!

Last night I got a call from Phil saying he was at a gas station. His car COMPLETELY died. He hit something in the road and it broke the oil pan and seized the engine completely. So he has my car. The only thing I can keep thinking is that God has SOME sort of plan. I tried not to panic but got a little anxious.
I got a free month at Curves gym. I am not going as much as I would like to but now without a car I won't go. Cause there is no point putting more miles on my car after Phil already has driven it a total of a hour and a half each day. God has a reason......He has to. So I called ICBC this morning for Phil and get this.....he can claim it but HIS rates will go up. It is claimed as an accident. I said, let me get this straight. Cause there was something wrong in the ROAD my husband has to pay for it!!! and she said yes. Phil said the engine is completely seized so we will have to see what happens. Right now it is somewhere near 264th street on the side of the road.
Christmas is so busy but I really can't wait to see Cooper get into it this year. Cooper has his own little backpack now and he carries his own snack and diapers. Plus a book.
Some pics.....
a John Deere Tractor pillow case I made for Cooper


and funny face in front of the tree


his backpack



oh and there was a firetruck at Walmart. They were doing an inspection and they let Cooper in the driver's seat to check it out. It was dark out and the guy tried to get a good pic with HIS camera. Cause of course I wouldn't have mine just going to walmart. But Cooper has a blast!

Cooper's first big snow day!

After church and nap it was time to go out and play in the snow. Cooper had a lot of fun. He did get mad though cause he could barely walk and it was so deep. LOL. But it was still fun.
Cooper and his friend Josh

Cooper


Phil is the one getting up. Went down the hill. THAT was fun!

How red his cheeks and chin were when we came in.


this pic is from Saturday. The sun behind the clouds while it was snowing!

a couple pics from Sue's house. The bird feeder and a rocking chair.

Chocolate milk says........

NO WAY!! You should have seen my face! LOL!!
we just won a blockbuster rental but still. Never thought I would see it in my lifetime!!

Psalm 121:1-2

"I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth."



This is keeping me hanging on. Day by day. Prayer by prayer. Thank you God.

Stretched thin

sorry to whine but here I go.....

I have been feeling really stretched thin lately. Phil has been working so much, I barely see him. So it is single parenting almost, I seriously DO NOT know how some of you momma's do it. Plus some other things that I don't really want to get into right now.
I have really been praying and asking God to take the burden and stress from me cause there is really no point to stress out. It gets me no where. That in itself is a new, better attitude for me. But I am finding I can't just pray once. It is over and over all day. Everytime it hits me. Plus I am having issues with my faith right now. I know God will provide. He has done it before.
I just feel so thin that I am see through. I need a break. Need a day to myself. (Whine, whine, whine) I need some time with Phil. I love my kid. I love my husband but I am just so worn out. Some days I don't even have the energy to talk. The stress is minute by minute. I will think of something we have run out of and stress again. It is a vicious circle and I am going insane.
We need to get back into the church activities we were a part of and we have been lacking in that itself. Yesterday at church I couldn't even sing. I was singing the words in my head but to sing them out loud was a lot of effort. I try to just plug away and keep going but sometimes I can't hide it. I am starting to get frustrated easily again. Not a very joyous post.....
Just wanted to get it out and ask for prayer.

I'm Sorry

two words that can take the anger right out of the situation.

So I was on my way home from bible study tonight. I was taking my ordinary route. There was a nice SUV next to me and I remember thinking how new it looked and how bright the headlights were and how crisp. Then I looked and thought, wow they light up my lane too. WAIT A MINUTE!!!!
Here comes this SUV RIGHT INTO MY LANE!! He had no signal on or anything. He just started to come into my lane. Maybe he couldn't handle the corner or something but DANG. His front passenger fender was INCHES away from my front drivers side fender.
My heart pounded in my chest as I pounded on the horn, sure that if I didn't he would have kept going into my lane, into me. In Phil's car no less.
So then the guy speeds up. I catch up to him, he was about in his fifties I would guess. I just looked over at him and shook my head. Then looked back at the red light we were sitting at. I felt someone staring at me.
So I look over and he was staring right at me. I raised my hand and shoulder as if saying, "what?" Then I noticed his window was down.
So I reluctantly rolled mine down. You never know now a day. "what?" I rudely snapped.
He says, "I'm sorry"
I said, "thank you"
Then he continued, "have you ever made a mistake in your life?"
sheepishly I said yes.
Then he said sorry again.
I said, "thank you. I appreciate the appology"

then the light went green and we went on our ways. He was much slower now though. I switched lanes in front of him, using my signal and leaving ample room. Then I turned down my road as he went straight down his.
Then this escaped my lips "Lord, I pray that you bless that man. Get him to where ever he is going safely. Just bless him. Amen."
Then I found myself thinking, dang he took all the wind right out of my sail. Just by saying those two little words. I still pray that he is blessed and am grateful that he took the responsibility and apologized for his actions. Makes me think twice of how I react next time someone cuts me off or almost turns into me.
After all, We all make mistakes.

DANG!!

"Forgiveness is having the courage to take down the walls that we think are there to protect us."

-Suztes40

Isolation

I am really bad at it myself. I get hurt and that is it, I just want to isolate from the world and from everyone. My trust gets altered and I feel like nothing can be trusted anymore. I realize how fast things can be stopped, how fast a friendship can be ended.
Quite frankly it scares me and makes me worry that I am at fault. Then I get scared and start to worry more and more about my friends just leaving. Just giving up on me. So instead of allowing myself to get hurt I just isolate myself cause then that way I won't be hurt.
This is so wrong in thinking. I need to trust and keep going. The wall around me feels so safe and secure. So lonely. I love my friends and my family but there are times when I just want to hide from everything. However I keep plugging away. Unfortunately I may push people away that I love. So who's fault would it be for the isolation? Mine and only mine. I have to be stronger and make the effort to not allow myself to isolate. It is hard though.
I will chuckle when talking about something that is bothering me. That is my safety. That way if you see me laugh then you don't know how much I am hurting inside. YOu can't see the tears.
All of this thinking is wrong on so many levels. I need to be the one to correct it. I need to be open to people's ideas and suggestions. I hear them but sometimes I just get scared. oh well I am sure this isn't making sense.
my point? isolating sucks. I really need to work on it. The things that are always so hard to do hurt the most. I am grateful for my friends and family. They love me. The won't abandon. Time for me to stop doing it to them. I am sorry for anyone I push away. Thank you for bearing with me and continuing to love me. All I can do is pray. I feel like I have lost that too. Why is it so easy to push away then it is to come back.

Sunset pictures from yesterday

I am so proud of myself. These needed very little editing and I am getting to understand the manual option on my camera better!

Yesterday we "skipped" church. Tisk me later. Phil has started a new job, today actually so say a little prayer for him, but his old job has no one to run the shop on Saturdays. They asked him if he would be willing to stay and work Saturdays until they find a replacement or they choose to shut it down Saturday's. Phil said he would. So you counted right! He is working six days a week. We only have Sunday's together.
So we only get Sunday's together as family days. He is only home for two hours total when Cooper is awake. Yesterday we decided to go up to Golden Ears on a hike. Yes it was raining but it wasn't too bad. Just sprinkling. The only time it poured rain was on our way back while we stopped to eat. Or let Cooper eat. Cooper was such a sport. He did so well. Daddy would reach back and ask him to give him five if he was ok. So he would. That was their communication. It was a fun day. Here are some pictures. Now this was great times with God. The falls were beautiful.

My kid is so amazing. Such a character!

Cooper really has quite the character. I LOVE IT!! He has been wanting to take hot wheels to bed with him lately at night. We are ok with it. It keeps him quiet and he will play a bit while winding down, in his crib. So his favorite one is a John Deere Tractor. This little green thing.
Then one night Phil says, look what Daddy gave you. Cooper looks in and sees a blue John Deere tractor. He was all excited. It was the same as the green one. Then tonight an orange one mysteriously appeared in his crib. Daddy points into his crib and says Cooper what's that?
Cooper looks in and sees the orange tractor. He slides off of Daddy's lap, we had just finished story time, and he stood next to his crib. Then he was looking in his crib and his little mouth LITERALLY dropped open. The big O look and he was surprised. Then he was jabbering and jabbering while pointing at it. I so wish I got a picture but it is in my head and heart. It was so priceless and so full of character.
Earlier tonight we walked up to Value Village. Cooper INSISTED on wearing his new monkey slippers. I would show the pic but it is blurry. LOL. So he walked half way there and all the way back in his little slippers. Happy as a clam. Phil and I watched him and we just could NOT get over how much he is growing up. It amazes us every day. He looks so big now and acts so big. You only show him how to do something once then he has it. What a cool night with our kid. It was just too fun and I had to share.

You gotta be kidding me!!

So this morning going in to get Cooper......
I hear cough cough....and he has a runny nose. Not much of a temp. But he is sweating. Green snotty nose (TMI, I know). Can't this poor kid get a break. He is sick much too much. It is starting to bug ME!!! Breast fed babies get sick less my butt!! He was breast fed for 15 months. I think it more has to do with genes. Hopefully this is all building his immune system to be strong like his dads. sigh......

What a great night!

so last night we went to my MIL's for dinner. We had little bits cause Phil was taking me out for dessert. We put Cooper to bed and then left. This was the FIRST time Cooper was having a sleep over at Grammies without us to wake up to in the morning. I am wondering how he is doing. I am also wondering why I am up so early when I can sleep in! LOL! It is 8 here.
So anyway......Phil took me out to milestones. A little restaurant near his moms. Well in town. So I ordered a drink called a bellini. It is a peach slush with a red alcohol drink in the bottom. Yes I had an alcoholic drink! I can't believe I did that! It has been well over 2 years. So I finished my drink at the bar and then we were seated. The waitress asked if I wanted another. I said no and phil says, sure bring her another. Once the waitress left I was like are you sure! And he said, "this is OUR night. I am sure." So I had another.
So then we actually ordered some food and then he took me to the movies. We saw "Dan in Real Life". It is a cute movie. We got home after midnight. And then we got to sleep in this morning. This was so needed. I was starting to feel like we were drifting too far apart from one another. It was such a perfect night and he treated me so well.
Cooper is really missed!! But I have a photoshoot I am gonna attempt to do later today, along with Michelle. So he is staying the day at Grammies. Then Phil is brining him home once he gets off work. Unless I go and see him sooner. LOL. I miss Cooper really bad but the night was so great. I feel so special! Thought I would share!

Happy Halloween

Daddy got some pics for us.
Cooper not too happy in his costume


Running to the elevator


Cooper and mommy at the mall

Feeling like I don't belong.

You ever get that feeling? I am sure you do. That feeling like you don't exist. That you shouldn't be in the place you are. Feeling like even though you know and love a person that they just don't feel the same. That your opinions and thoughts do not matter.
I am tired of feeling like this. Tired of feeling like I am not heard. That I am high maintenance or a burden to this person. Feeling like they can't even look at me anymore. Feeling like people see right past me. Like I don't exist. Like I am no longer in the room. Like my opinions don't matter.
It has obviously been on my mind a lot. I dreamt about it. I dreamt about being shunned out. Being told I am high maintenance. Being told that people don't like me. That I am not welcomed. That I can not be around people. Did I say it was like I am no longer welcomed. Oh wait I did.
People you were once close with don't seem to want to have anything to do with you. Sure it could very easily be my insecurities telling me these things. The tapes telling me that I am not good enough. That I will never be good enough. Telling me that I did something wrong and that it is always me in the wrong. Playing on the sense of uncomfort when I see that people won't look me in the eyes. That people give me short answers.
It really makes me feel worthless. Makes me feel like I don't matter. That I really don't belong and I shouldn't be trying to fit in. That I will never belong and the feeling that I belonged at one point was just false.
I feel like I need to go crawl into a hole sometimes. To not step out of my comfort zone and act happy. To act like I am not hurting when I see these people. But it really is starting to get harder and harder to hide. I just want to quit all together. I hate feeling like I don't belong.
Some times it feels like everyone pushes me away but mainly lately I feel it with someone I thought I was once close to. That is what hurts the most. I just feel like I want to quit all together but I am not a someone who likes to quit. Not having what we used to have hurts but I know God has His reasons.

I was in the ER this morning

so the past week, week and a half or so I have had this cough. To the point where I would cough then almost barf. It was starting to REALLY HURT. Last night I barely slept and had a coughing attack for almost 45 minutes. My throat was hurting and my chest was tight. When I woke up in the morning at 6:30 to get on with my day I realized that I needed to be seen by a dr. I couldn't catch my breath. My chest felt painful and like someone was crushing it. So after talking to phil I went in. My wonderful husband called in to work and stayed home to watch Cooper and the daycare kid. I thought everything would be fine so I thought he would be back at work. I got home just after 10 feeling like crapola. I am STILL shaking and it is 1pm. Nothing more scarey then not being able to breathe.
So they did a chest xray, some kind of breathing thing and then gave a nebulizer to me so it would open my lungs so I could breathe. The GREAT thing was that MY family dr was the dr on call that day. So I saw him. So that made me feel a bit more comfortable. So the results.....I have an infection in my right lung. He gave me a script, which my wonderful husband is going to get filled now. Phil is staying home. He has dealt with the kids all day. Let me lay down and take it easy. I am a control person and everything needs to be done a certain way but I have totally let go of that today. He is doing such a great job and is taking care of me. God couldn't have given me a better man.

QUACK! QUACK!!

Cooper's a duck.
My dad put Cooper into swimming lessons. Today was the first day. He did really well. Wasn't too fond of being on his back but he went under the water a few times. Even JUMPED off the edge of the pool. He was smiling and everything. SO FUN! Pictures hopefully to come next time.

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:7-10 NIV)

Cooper went to the ER last night

what a day. I can honestly tell you I am exhausted.
So it looks like Cooper doesn't have an ear infection after all. He again had a fever yesterday of 102.2 and just before I went to the hospital it was 102.8. He was extremely lethargic. I put him down on the couch to go get him some juice mixed with water and within the three minutes it took me to do that he was sound asleep again. Which is what he did all day.
At one o'clock in the afternoon yesterday I went back to his doctor. He rechecked his ears and his throat and listened to his chest. This time I was sent for blood work and an urine test for him. The dr was thinking it could have been a blood infection. So my mind went into over time. AGAIN. We walked to the building beside the office and went to get his blood taken. I tell you it is sheer hell to sit there and watch them try to take blood from your child's arm. Cooper was screaming bloody murder, who would blame him, and the way he looked at me broke my heart which made me continue to cry. The whole time I was telling him he was such a good boy and that I was so proud of him. We had finally gotten home after that big ordeal by 4:30.
His doctor told me that if he remains lethargic or his fever increases to take him straight to the ER. So come 5ish last night I did just that. He had become more lethargic and yesterday I barely saw his eyes at all. He just clung to me all day. I let him. I lay on my bed with him sleeping beside me.
So off to the ER.....Phil couldn't make it there until 7 cause of work and having to meet with someone just after 6. So I called some friends to see if someone could be with me. I knew most of my friends, actually all of them, had plans but I called anyway. Guess I was kind of prolonging going in cause I was hoping he would all of a sudden perk up. Nope. So I went to the ER. I am literally running on gas fumes. Registered him pretty quick. I guess when it comes to kids they take it seriously and push them through. Plus the fact they could see how lethargic he was.
I would be lying to you if I told you I was calm, cool and collected. I tried so hard to remain that way but the tears just fell but when Cooper would look up at me I would look down and give him a smile. Telling him it would be ok.
While waiting to go into the ER itself my pastor showed up. Greg said he was praying for Cooper which I said was good cause at that point in time I didn't feel I had the strength to do so myself. Thankfully he had come cause I had to go to the washroom. So I got him to hold Cooper while I went. I had eaten only a chocolate bar by this point of the day. Cooper had apple sauce, some fluids and a fruit snack.
So anyway Greg had to get going. We get called into the ER. The doctor checks him out and listens to his chest. Then tells me that cause the blood work and the urine sample that I did earlier that day is not yet available they have to do it again and this time he wants a chest xray too.
So off to xray we go. I looked at the nurse and I said "I am NOT leaving him" she said it was fine but we just had to step behind the wall while the picture took. My poor son. Put into this contraption with his little arms in the air and secured in by a plastic tube. Mommy in front the whole time telling him it was ok, she was there. Telling him I was proud of him. Telling him he was a good boy.
When we had checked into the ER his temperature was 39.3 which translates to 102.7 but it may have been 39.8 my mind is a little foggy, which translates to 103. either way he was hot. So once the xrays were done back to waiting we went. Here came the vampires. That is what Phil calls him. So they moved us to a bed and we literally had to hold Cooper down for more poking and proding to find the vein. Grr....so heart wrenching. So time for tylenol which this time brought it down after 3 hours. Although I just checked on him and he is warm again. but anyway...the waiting game continued.
The dr came back and said that his white blood cell count was ok. But he has an infection in his throat and a little bronchitis. That he wanted to wake him to see how he responded. I got to see my baby for a bit. He was MAD though. How DARE you wake me up! But we got some juice into him. So we went home with strict instructions that if he is not better or he gets worse within 24-48 hours we were supposed to bring him back.
Ran into a sweet lady that ended up beside us, thank you God I saw what You were doing, and she peeked over and said that she was praying for us. That since she saw us come into the ER at the same time as them she has been saying little prayers. I thanked her and told her that it was needed cause I had no strength at the moment to pray.
So it is 6:30 and I have been awake for a hour. I fell asleep at 12 last night. I just can't seem to sleep. So worried. I know I am gonna regret it but what is a mom to do. My poor baby. What an ordeal, bigger for him but hard for both of us just the same.
He has been lifted in prayer and I am so thankful. I am just praying that he gets better. I miss my baby.

Double Whammy

poor Cooper

I noticed today that he was a little whiney and clingy. Not usually like him. He felt warm and was poking at his ears. My gut told me that he had an ear infection.
So when Phil got home he took us to a walk in clinic and Cooper has a double ear infection. Poor guy. So we gave him motrin tonight until we could go and get the medication filled.
I just knew something was up and I must say that I love that mommy instinct. Makes me feel so special and gives me that connection I feel. I love my kid. He even went to bed without a tub. He ate some dinner and snuggled with me. Then I put him down and he whimpered but that was it. He was so tired. I just checked on him and he is warm. Just gonna keep an eye on him tonight.

how do you discipline??

A child that just doesn't really understand? Cooper is a very lovey child. He loves to give kisses and hugs but I am now coming across some major problems with it.
Yesterday I was out at moms group. YAY! It started back up. Didn't get to spend much time with the moms. I would hear Payton yell "Cooper no. Stop. Ow" I would look over and here is my 17 month old tackling my three year old niece. When he gives the kisses he does it with an open mouth, thus all those teeth getting in the way. He hugs pretty tight too. So I would get up and remove him and tell him not everyone wants hugs and kisses.
Then I would sit back down only to have another friend point out "oh he is attacking Leiah" so there I went again. So I was at the end of my rope and was very frustrated. Where the heck did I go wrong with my parenting. How do you tell a kid that being affectionate is not what all kids want. I redirect. I do say no. I will say, "here give mommy a hug instead".
So then I had to follow him around. Almost in tears cause I was so embarassed. Then I went and sat back down keeping a watchful eye on my boy. I see him pushing a chair and one of the other kids decided they wanted the chair and told him no and sat down. Thus squishing Cooper's fingers. Cooper pulled his hand away as I sat there to see his reaction. He rubbed his hand and just looked at the kid. Then all of them started to laugh at him. Four of them gathered around him laughing. My heart was breaking. I just sat and watched. (bad I know but I wanted to see what he would do) He just turned and walked away. But it brought back so many memories of me being teased and picked on. Then a realization that I cannot protect him from everything.
I was close to tears cause of the way they all laughed at him and then the way he knocked kids down and made them cry. He didn't mean to. He is a good person with such a big heart. But I really don't know what to do. How do I correct this? I almost got up and left the group. But then I realized that I need to keep him around the other kids. I think he just needs to be around kids more then what he is at this point. The adults are stronger and he doesn't knock them over when he hugs or kisses. He just doesn't get that the kids are lighter then him and he can hurt them.
I feel so embarassed and frustrated. Where did I go wrong with my parenting? Did we rough house too much? Did we play too much? Too many kisses? Not stop it soon enough? What can I do??? HELP!

this is terrible

and I know you may all think I am a rotten person but...

I seperated the kids. I put a gate up across the hallway that leads to Cooper's room and put toys, lots of them, on that side. The little guy is over there and Cooper is in the living room. I hate having to restrict the kids, let alone my own, to different parts of the house. I seriously think this kid hates it here. Hates us.
I can't tell Cooper no to hugging I just have been redirecting. I want to quit but deep back in my mind I hope and pray that it will work out one day. That they will start getting along. Funny thing is that when he used to visit before they were great together. When out and about they are good too. Must be something about my house.
But how would you feel as a parent if you came to pick up your kid only to see them seperated? They have been this way for a half hour and are both behaving properly.
I am tempted to try them together again but I have a headache from the crying all day. Not to mention the toy box is on the couch cause Cooper keeps standing on it. He is not even able to get up on the couch now!
I know we need the money, I would like to start saving and splurge on little things, but I am praying this settles. Phil is extremely supportive of whatever decision I make. But I don't want to fail. I don't want to be known as someone who gives up and is a failure. Makes me wonder about two kids!!! LOL!!

ok vent done.....for now.....

Day 4 and I feel a wee bit stressed

Today is day 4. The boys had a 4 day weekend from one another so today it was like starting all over again.
My heart is aching and I even feel on the edge of tears. I know it may be stupid but I didn't ever think it would be so tough to transition and help the boys learn. I have gone from barely telling Cooper no for hugs or that was enough, to telling him ALL the time. Or redirecting him. It is hard cause he is so affectionate and the other little boy just doesn't want it. Cooper looks at the other boy the wrong way and the other boy cries. This is so hard. I feel like my kid is a bully or something. In actuality he just really likes to give hugs.
He will knock this other kid flat down. I feel bad for the kid and console him while redirecting Cooper.
We went to the park today and the two of them won't even play together. Ran into another lady and saw my neighbours daughter with her. Cooper saw her too and went to hug her. Knocked her to the ground. Then I was SUPER embarassed. Cause he kept doing it. He was just giving kisses and hugs. I kept appologizing to the lady then I just ended up leaving.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up watching this kid. But I couldn't help but wonder what was "wrong" with my son. Why he did this. Then the little boy played with the other kids while Cooper went off and played by himself. I didn't get it. Was he being a loner? He plays well with Payton. How do I get him to be more gentle? How do I shake this feeling that I have done something wrong. I feel like I have done a good job raising him so far but I wonder where I messed up.
sigh.....feeling a wee bit stressed today......

6 years ago today

I married the love of my life. I can't believe 6 years have gone by already. We have been so blessed.

Happy Anniversary Phil!

These are pictures of pictures so not that great

another devotional this morning

Jeremiah (3:22), God promises he will cure us of our backsliding. If you’ve lost your passion for God, then the way to get it back is not to work yourself into it; rather it’s to humbly ask God to give you that passion back.

Pray – Our dear Heavenly Father, fan into flames the kesed love we once had for you. Create within us clean hearts and revive within us a steadfast spirit. Help us to fall deeply and passionately in love with you. We know you are trustworthy, and we know you will take our love and pour it back on us. We love you, no matter what the circumstances of our lives. You are our God. To echo T.W. Hunt, when you say, “I am,” we simply respond, “You are.”

The Purpose Driven Life - Daily Devotional for today

"Have you ever considered that heartbreak is part of God’s plans for you, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”? (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV) We put so much energy into avoiding the hurt when God would have us embrace it. He wants us to know that he can heal our hurts, even use our hurts for his benefit, and for us to faithfully believe that sometimes the circumstances we think are harming us are actually positive situations God is engineering."

more cooper pics

fell asleep in his stroller. He NEVER does that!!


BIG TIRE. Grandpa's tractor


Daddy & Cooper


a "flower"

YAY! Day two

so they both went down at 11:30ish. Cooper in his room, Adin in mine. They both fell asleep by about 11:45. It is now 1:51 and they are both sleeping still. I am so excited! I even napped

Cooper is doing much better. I haven't told him no as much today. What I do now is just watch and see what he does and sometimes he just touches Adin who then freaks out. So I find myself telling adin that it is ok. That he will be alright. I get down to his level and say, he is not hurting you. But I also redirect Cooper to a big stuffed bunny and tell him to hug the heck out of him! LOL!!
Today we came in from our walk and I let both boys out of the stroller. Cooper knows the drill and followed me to the elevator. Adin just stood at the door smiling. So I said to Cooper, "Cooper, can you go get Adin? Hold his hand and bring him here?" So he then walks over to Adin and grabs his hand and walks him to the elevator. He keeps holding his hand until the door closes then he lets go. When we get to our floor he grabs Adin's hand again and walks him to the door. It was really cute. Once we were in the house he let go of his hand. Awww.....

Day one

so I start watching the neighbours son today. He is a week older then Cooper. Mom warned me that he hadn't pooped in 24 hours. Cooper neither. So this was gonna be interesting.
Sure enough they poop in unison. BOTH of them pooped at the same time. Getting a taste of what it would be like to have two kids. Odd this close together

took some pregnancy shots of a friend

This is my friend Lyndsay and her two kids Carter and Bayleigh. She is expecting number three. She was such a great sport for a learner like me. Was very cooperative and didn't care how long we took. I could have done more but I remember how exhausted I was.
Enjoy!

So I got a break today

Phil dropped Cooper off at my MIL's. This morning my boys left the house. I followed them to the elevator cause I heard Cooper complaining cause I wasn't there. Gave a final kiss then came back to the house. I cried. I just felt so selfish.

I went back to bed. I slept until 9:40!! Then I even got up and had a nice warm bath. Then I even sat down to a leisurely breakfast. Cleaned the kitchen, loaded the dishwasher and the washer. Then sat down to work on my scrap book. I got THREE pages done. I am very pleased with them too.

Phil called me later in the day and said that Cooper was SO excited to see Grammy. Cause he hasn't seen her in a while.

I left at 4 to go get Cooper. I couldn't get there fast enough. HAHAHAHA. I ran into the house and crouched down with my arms open and he ran....RIGHT PAST ME! LOL. But then it was like he realized, hey my mommy is here! Then came to me and didn't want me to put him down. I missed him so much. Didn't miss the hitting so much though. Hehehe.

Today after dinner at the inlaws we were all outside and Cooper said Mamma. Not like momma. It was definately Grandma just sounded different. I don't know if you get what I mean.

But I feel refreshed. My shoulder had a chance to rest, it has been acting up with having to lift him so much. My mother in law even said we could do this once a month and that I would NOT be taking advantage of her. They had so much fun today. Fun day.

Getting a break

I am getting a break tomorrow. Tomorrow morning my little boy leaves for the day with his daddy. Daddy goes to work and Cooper goes to Grammy's.

I am seriously having mixed feelings. I am excited to go back to bed. To clean. To scrapbook. But I will be saying good bye to my son for the day. He will be out of my hands and will be in the capable hands of his daddy and his Grammy. I just am not sure. A day without him. I have never had that.

I know he will be fine. He will be leaving with a lunch and a list of the times he does stuff. This is just so odd and there is a huge part of me that feels guilty to need this break. To need to relax. I feel bad. I feel anxious. I feel excited. I feel selfish. I have mixed feelings about this.

Not that I don't love my son. I just want a few hours. No diapers. No crying. But then no hugs. No kisses. No loves. No reading to my boy.

Oh dear am I doing the right thing? Maybe I should just phone and cancel.

I need to get away

just for the weekend. I need to get back to God. I need to refind him and I am not sure I know how.
I need a bit of a break from my 24/7 job. I love it don't get me wrong but I just want a bit of a break. I feel like I am breaking down.
listen to me talk. Not like anyone reads this darn thing anyway. Does anyone? That gets me discouraged too. Sigh......no one reads cooper's either. why bother with the world? That is how I feel

A devotional I received this morning

by Rick Warren

"Your Life Message includes your testimony. Your testimony is the story of how Christ made a difference in your life. Peter tells us that we were chosen by God “to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you.” (1 Peter 2:9)

This is the essence of witnessing — simply sharing your personal experiences regarding the Lord. In a courtroom, a witness isn’t expected to argue the case, prove the truth, or press for a verdict; that is the job of attorneys. Witnesses simply report what happened to them or what they saw.

Jesus said, “You will be my witnesses” (Acts 1:8) – not “You will be my attorney.” He wants you to share your story with others. Sharing your testimony is an essential part of your mission on earth because it is unique. There is no other story just like yours, so only you can share it. If you don’t share it, it will be lost forever.

You may not be a Bible scholar, but you are the authority on your life, and it’s hard to argue with personal experience. Actually, your personal testimony is more effective than a sermon, because unbelievers see pastors as professional salesmen, but they see you as a “satisfied customer,” so they give you more credibility.

Personal stories also are easier to relate to than principles, and people love to hear them. They capture our attention, and we remember them longer. Unbelievers would probably lose interest if you started quoting theologians, but they have a natural curiosity about experiences they’ve never had. Shared stories build a relational bridge from your heart to theirs – a bridge Jesus can walk across.

Another value of your testimony is that it by-passes intellectual defenses. Many people who won’t accept the authority of the Bible will listen to a humble personal story. That is why on six different occasions Paul used his testimony to share the Gospel instead of quoting Scripture.

The Bible says, “Be ready at all times to answer anyone who asks you to explain the hope you have in you, but do it with gentleness and respect.” (1 Peter 3:15-16) The best way to “be ready” is to write out your testimony and then memorize the main points. "


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you know, it really got me thinking. Then feeling that I may never get to share my testimony. There was one point in time where I knew that was all I wanted to do but now I just feel like that opportunity will never arise. I think about it and I know I want to feel comfortable with the people. I would never be able to do it in front of a church. I wouldn't be able to do it on here either. I might have been able to share with a bunch of women though.
I just feel like that opportunity has passed. That I missed that boat. I am not sure it makes sense to anyone else. I am not sure I can fully describe what I am trying to say.
Funny how God has us go through things and it may be that one thing that someone needs to hear you have gotten through. You could be that hope. You can help spread that light. I can't describe how or why I just know it was God. Plain and simple. No grey areas. It was God. It had to have been cause there is just no other explanation.
I find it easier to relate to someone even more once they have shared their story with me. A little light goes off and you think, hey! I know what they mean.
Thank God we aren't all cookie cutter Christians and we have all gone through our own thing. Helps us to relate to others and for others to relate to us.

I don't like apartments

or places where someone else controls things. I fo but I don't.
It is great when something needs to be fixed and it doesn't come out of my pocket but on days like today it bites.
They shut off the water to the building for the morning. I forgot and went to brush my teeth. It is annoying. And the fire checks where you MUST be home all day cause they will be there between 10 and 3 or something.
Looking somewhat forward to owning my own house one day!

gonna be honest

sometimes I feel like not being joyous but was hoping that when I read the title of my blog every time I post it would spark something inside me.

Today is one of those days where I just want to stay in bed. Still am looking for a sitter for the occasional on call stuff. Sitters just aren't as available as when I was younger. Plus I have to be able to trust them with my kid. There is only a few I can.

We went on a great Kayaking and Canoeing trip with Sue, Dennis, James, Nicole, Phil, Cooper and I. Dennis and Sue paddled Cooper and I on the way up.



My poor car was weighted down.


Cooper ready to go in the boat and with Aunty Sue. He was about to sneeze. LOL




The two hour hike. It rained but was beautiful.








Daddy and Cooper resting.


Then Sue sat with Cooper in the canoe on the way back and I kayaked with James and Nicole. It was LONG. A hour. But well worth it. Still recovering today but am surprised I am not more sore. It was the most perfect way to spend a Sunday and I am glad we get to do things like that.