Last night

was fun. Went to a stamp party with a few close friends. I loved the fellowship. It was nice to get away from the baby. I love him whole heartedly but it is the times when I am away from him, even when I know he is sleeping, that make me appreciate him so much more.
The hostess said to me, I remember the first time I met you. You got so frustrated and confused with this whole thing that you got up and walked out.
She has told me this before, almost every time I am at one of those. I feel bad every time. I didn't remember doing that. She is a sweet lady. Michelle proceeded to say, yeah I remember that and I remember saying, ok Misty see you later. Michelle said that she knew that was just me. That is what I did.
Geeee.......great........Nice to be known for that. Walking away when things get tough. Makes me feel about this (pinching fingers close together) big. I never realized I was that bad and I am embarased that I was and am. I don't really walk away as much now. I just try to tough it out and figure it out step by step. In any situation. My defense is to run. You know the saying, flight or fight? Yeah I am the one who takes to flight.
Although now I would like to pretend that I am not that bad. That I have come a long way. In my mind and in my nieve little world I have. I try to stick things out. I try to do the best I can. Yeah I still want to hide sometimes. I still want to run and the fight to stay is hard. I try so hard. I hope that I won't be remembered as the one who ran away cause she got too frustrated. I don't want to be that person. I want to be the one who stuck it through to the best of her ability.
I guess I have a lot of work to do. However, like I said, I would like to think I have come further then that now.
I love when she recalls that memory but inside I am so embarased and ashamed of that person. Maybe one day she will say how much I have changed. LOL. One can hope. She really is a neat and fun person. Just sucks that I gave a terrible first impression. Just goes to show that those first impressions last a life time. That was years and years ago. What are you doing to leave your first impression? Time for me to change.