I want THAT

I am guilty of it. You probably are too.

Always wanting, not necessarily needing though. I do it. It makes me ashamed but I do it. Wishing I had that beautiful home. Wanting that house. Wanting more then what I have now. Wanting a new car. Wanting a baby.

See a trend here?? Want, want, want. But God tells me He will provide what I NEED. So I am slowly learning to not lean on what I may want but understanding that God will give me what I need.

I found myself wanting again this weekend. I was talking to a friend and I was just in awe. Listening to the way they talked about God, about how He won't leave me. How He loves me SOOO much. I found myself WANTING what my friend had. Love laced every word they spoke. Just utter awe for our Father. You could hear the amazement in their voice. The truth of the love that they spoke of just ripped right in to my heart. I shook my head in disagreement still believing that I will always mess up and do something wrong in order to piss Him off. To make Him say, "Forget it Baby, you are not worth my time."
Just the way my friend talked made me want what they had. The trust and love just radiating through each word. Smiling while they talked saying how good He is. "Oh Misty, He is SO good, so faithful." Just the trust my friend had.

I WANT that. I came to a realization today that it is ok to want that. It really isn't good to continually want a home like the next person, a nice car, a bigger family. What is important is WANTING more of God. Wanting to ooze the love of God through my speech, my actions, my desires. To be patient and understand that He does love me. My friend reminded me of the way a child talks about their Daddy. How He can do no wrong. How He is the strongest person. Reminded me of how you may talk about your big brother (That you get along with). something like, "MY brother is bigger then you and all of this." My friend showed me this love in just the way they talked about our Father. Our big Brother that took the cross.

I want what my friend has. I want to feel that. I am jealous of that. But I think this might be something that is ok to be jealous of because it is making me want to be a better person. Want to pursue more of Him.

I want what my friend has. I really do. I NEED it.