I am Fine.

It's funny. Sometimes I can find so much to write about but lately I have been struggling with my personal life, my work life and God. Yet I find myself not wanting to talk about it. I know I need to talk because it will help lift this burden off my chest yet I remain silent and tell everyone that I am fine. It's a good mask and I can hide it pretty well. Yeah that's right - I am fine.
Even though I claim that I am fine those closest to me know that I am not. I have come to realize in these last couple of days that there are people out there that care about me. I do matter. I know I matter to my husband but it is reassuring that he is not the only one that is willing to sit and listen to me and support me through everything I do.
I am struggling. I will admit it. I pray for God to help but yet I don't get that profound feeling that He is talking to me. Deep down I know that He is helping me along yet I am longing to see Him like so many others do and to hear Him tell me that it will all work out. I am struggling with work and person things as well. It's hard. I don't want to talk to people because I feel that what is happening makes me weak. No matter how many people tell me that there is nothing wrong with what I am doing and that maybe everything will turn around and this is just the start of something possibly better. There are people who are going through a lot more than me, that I don't doubt. It is the lack of faith that everything is okay and that I am loved that is really driving me nuts.
I actually wrote some poems the other day. I find it funny that when I am in a good mood and everything seems fine I don't write. But watch out when I am down and upset!!!! Break out the paper and pencil!! Then I hide it all away for no one else to see.
I am finding it tough to blog right now. I wish I didn't because I do enjoy it. Like I said though, I am so grateful for those people, you should know who you are, that support me and love me. I just hope that they all know how thankful I am for them. Thanks for the support and helping me to realize that there are people out there who care for me and love me so much. I am Fine.