Embracing

Learning to do just that in situations can be tough.
I think I know how to embrace friendships. I have worked on embracing forgiveness. I read something that got me to thinking. "I've learned to cherish the tears ". Yep, so not there. No matter how many people tell me that it is ok to cry and how many people I tell the same thing to. Yet I am a hypocrite. When I feel like I am going to cry I fight it. I fight it hard. I run away from it. I hide. Jump into my little hole and yet they always seem to find me.
It is true that after I cry I do feel better, but if I let myself do it I would be crying way too darn much. Once my tears start they just keep going. One time I had a really bad moment and when I got a hug from my friend all I did was drop my arms by my side and cry. Just wanted to let it all out. I felt safe in her arms. I felt that it was ok. Now writing this right now I had a thought come into my head. If I would just let God embrace me and cry then it will be all right. I am safe. I think He is trying to tell me something. Safe in His embrace.
I know how healing it can be to cry. I've done it. I did it alot. I give my shoulders to others and wrap my arms around them when they need it. I am only a phone call away and they know it. Yet the same is extended to me and I cower. I lie and say that I don't need it when all I really want in these moments is to be held and to cry, to just let it all out.
How do you embrace that? How do you accept that it really is ok. Like I said, I know it is ok to do it but I fight it. Have to be strong. Have to keep going. Sometimes all I want to do is sit and cry but I fight it. I am tired of it. Growing so tired and weak of so many things. Tired of my little lonely hole. Tired of the mask. Tired.

Oh teach me to embrace it all......