Growing in Faith

The last while I have had people mention to me how much I am growing. Someone told me that she was amazed by my faith. She said, look at that faith. What do they see?? I don't see any of it.
I know that I am growing and it seems like whenever I get down and into the thoughts that I am lacking the faith I need to grow, someone will tell me how much I am growing. Or they will tell me how cool my amount of faith is. What?!?? I don't see any of that.
Then I saw it for one brief moment. I had a nagging feeling and when I listened to what my heart was saying I believed it was right. I believe that I was supposed to listen and follow through on what was being told to my heart. I listened and believed that it was really God talking to me and let me tell you, the feeling I had in my heart after was amazing. Before it was all nerves. Wanting to back out. I listened relying on faith and faith alone. That He wouldn't steer me wrong and I don't think He did that day. You can only imagine how excited I was and how proud of myself I was to just know that I listened to what He said. Whether it was right or not needed, I still took that step and listened.
Then there are days where I wonder, Where are you? Why do I feel like I have no faith in you?

He is working on some interesting stuff in my life and it scares the crap out of me. I am so scared that now that He has opened this door He may just turn His back on me and leave me there to suffer alone. This week I have done pretty good at trying to ignore it. Not thinking about the door He is opening. I am scared that now that I have started to go through this door there is no turning back. I lay in the middle of the entrance my heart torn and bleeding. Laying here feeling like I am left alone with my wounds wide open, bleeding and pusing (nice visual hey!!) and that there is no one to help heal me. The lack of faith? It hurts to think that I am lacking faith in Him. I have been let down and abandoned. I have come to that conclusion and now that I am there I am scared to death that He will leave me too. Others did. That He just won't care anymore. I know what I have been taught tells me otherwise. Yet I am human and my head tells me to not even go there. I will be abandoned again. Hide behind the mask. Keep it there.
So. I really don't get it when I am told that my faith is pretty cool and that my growth is getting there. There are moments when I agree that yeah, I am growing. Then there are moments like this when I wonder why I am fooling myself.
What about this thought. That maybe, just maybe this is God. That in my times of weakness and self-doubt he sends me a little message. Ones coming from others I barely know telling me about my faith. Maybe He is showing me that I am growing and that I do have the faith. He is sending this message through people from His mouth so that I can hear it and believe it. I don't believe it when I am told it. Yet ending this with the thought I had makes me think that yeah, I am growing. I do have faith. So why don't I ever feel it? Sometimes I will laugh and tell myself that I am really growing. I guess it all takes time. I just wish I saw what others see. What God sees.
Am I really growing in faith? Why can't I see it??