Pool day today

Did a total of 40 lengths. So if one lap is there and back I did 20. Then I also did 3 sets of 20 reps each of sit ups, heel touch (sit ups but touching the side of your heel as you come up) and reverse crunches. Then I also did 3 sets of 20 reps each of three different arm exercises.

For some reason this is the point where I feel like it is doing nothing. NOW I am finding it hard to keep going. LOL. Loosing some steam but am still determined. Just feeling defeated. Of course there is no difference yet.

I need to continue to push myself and be pushed. Sigh...

Day 7

that was quite possibly the HARDEST workout yet.

I just did a little over a hour of strength training. I was by myself but this time I had an MP3 player full of music. I did 3 sets of EVERY one of my exercises. If it said 2-3 sets of 12-15 reps I did three sets of 15.

I had to do push ups, stairs (4.5 flights), leg lift, heal press, heal lift, medicine ball squats, ball squats (back against a ball against a wall), step up, tricept and bicept curls and I am sure I am missing some.

I was close to tears during my last set of leg presses and lifts. I was so sore and tired. I pushed and pushed through. Then I still had to do two more flights of steps. And then had to do the arm exercises knowing it was my last of the night I pushed through.

Now off to shower, then a hot tub then bed!

First time dealing with someone picking on my son

and I don't think I handled it right. I wasn't sure what to do.

In the summer our church has church in the park. So Cooper plays at this tree. It is low enough the kids climb the bottom bit. Anyway, Uncle Den had given Cooper a leaf. He was playing happily with it while sitting in the tree. Then I look back over and a little girl has a leaf and is tearing it apart. Cooper comes running up to me and says "Mom! Girl leaf! MY leaf" I said, well mommy can't do anything about it you go ask for it back.
So off trots Cooper. He goes up to the girl and I hear clear as day, "leaf back PLEASE." the little girl puts it behind her back. Then Cooper says "MY leaf, back PLEASE" (yes this was all over a leaf but these are kids). She holds it high above her head. The lady sitting next to me looked as shocked as I felt. So I went over to the tree and said, He asked for it back nicely hun. Then reached up and grabbed another leaf for him.

I go back to my seat and the lady smiles at me. Then I am listening to the service but watching the kids like a hawk. Cooper is sitting on the tree and all of a sudden the girl GRABS at the leaf, ripping it in half. I sat there, trying not to go to his defense and letting him deal with it. I hear Cooper yell "NO! MY LEAF" So she grabs at it again and breaks more off, again Cooper yells no. Then she grabs at it again this time Cooper pushed the little girl. She fell backwards down the tree, about two feet. As I saw him push her I was already up running towards her.

The mom comes over and says to Cooper "That was very mean!" I said, "He told her no and she was pushing at him for his leaf"

She says, "No she wasn't. They were playing nicely."

I said whatever. Made Cooper appologize to both the mom and the little girl. He looks at the mom and says "I forry" then the mom says, "well you got your satisfaction" HUH!

I went to put him in time out but he pitched a fit. I think it was because he didn't think he did anything wrong. In MY mind he really didn't but I think I did it more because the mom was watching me. So we went to leave because he wasn't calming down. I went up to the mom and asked if the little girl was ok. She says "she's fine. Tired. Have a better rest of the day" HUH!!!

so we left. I drove a bit up to my mom's because I was really upset. I felt like Cooper was standing his ground and I shouldn't have given him trouble for it. I needed to talk to someone. My mom wasn't home.

I drove back to church, avoided that mother and child and asked the lady next to me what she saw. She said that the little girl was TOTALLY picking on Cooper. I started to tear up, still not sure why, and I said what was I supposed to do! She said that Cooper really didn't do anything wrong. That as mother's we are all defensive of our own child.

I feel like I failed Cooper. I should have stood up to that mom. I should have stood my ground. What kind of a mom am I gonna be when he gets into situations like that. At the car I told him, "Cooper I know you were defending yourself."

He looks at me and says, "mommy, girl leaf"

I said, "she took your leaf and wouldn't give it back."

he said "yes"

I told him that he did a good job of fending for himself and telling her no but to next time use words then come tell mommy if she isn't listening. But I really don't want him to have his mommy stick up for him. What should I have done. I told him I was proud of him for using the words I did hear but next time to not push.

"otay mom"

what would you do? I feel like I failed him, I let him down and I didn't handle it properly.

advice? pointers? tips? I don't believe he was really bad. Was he? He was sticking up for himself.

WARNING VENT

I am trying REALLY HARD to be grateful of where we live. I thank God for the roof over our head and to have a home. I am trying not to complain anymore but this is getting harder and harder. I feel ungrateful but I really am appreciative.

(side note....the tv is buzzing. The "new to us" tv. Oh well, buyer beware!)

So what did I wake up to this morning? My wonderful son coming into the room saying "Mommy! Morning!" That is totally fine it is the other thing that woke me more.

CIGARETTE SMOKE

I am not knocking smokers as people but this is rediculous. The other night we had to shut our windows because the smell of POT was so strong. EVERY morning we get woken up by the neighbour smoking. We shouldn't have to shut our windows and be uncomfortable because they smoke. I am not sure if they "should" do anything either. However, it is getting REALLY annoying. Everyone around us is a smoker. For some reason God isn't getting us out of here either.

Then there is the lady who lives across the way who at EVERY NIGHT between 11 and 11:30 goes onto her porch and works away at making lots of lovely noises. The other night we were both woken by her banging on the railing because she was cleaning an area rug by hand. At 11:30 at night. COME ON NOW!

yeah I am being a crank but there is only so much I can take. sigh.....

day 6 down

I decided I am going to keep writing about it for now because it encourages me.

I am proud of myself to be honest. I was "weak" and had McDonald's for dinner. I was craving it BAD. I only had about 20ish fries though. Had a crispy chicken sandwich but took the mayo off and kept the lettuce and tomato.

Phil asked if I wanted to go to the gym. He knew I was feeling guilty and that I love working out. (remind me of that when I start to complain) So I went. I am glad I did. Here is what I did:

20 minutes on the tread mill. 5 warm up, 15 running
20 minutes on the elliptical.
15 on the stair master (I am trying to move up on that one)

then 3 sets of 20 reps of three different kinds of ab exercises. Crunch, side to side and reverse crunch.

Phil cut me up a peach and I had some water cause after working out I am starving. I have to find something better to have after working out. Off to bed.....I am hoping to sleep well!

Day 5 is done!

I worked in the pool today.

Did 30 laps. 10 butterfly, 10 back stroke and 10 forward kick. Then I did three different arm excersizes in the water. Forward, side to hip (out then in) then back. Did 3 sets of 20.

I am pretty dang sore but feeling confident.

I am now getting to the point where I feel like I am not hungry at all. Like I don't want to eat. I know I have to but dang! LOL!! So my trainer said 10lbs in a month is realistic. I am worried I won't lose those 10lbs but I am trying. Two days off then back to the gym on Friday. Then two days off and then two days hard core. She said that it sounds like a fine plan and will be good to have the resting days. I didn't want to be gone too often from home. LOL. Maybe I will go for a run tomorrow.

My Family

Cooper


Daddy and son moment. My boys


Family picture taken on Sunday. My before I lost all the weight picture. lol

and then there was day 4......

as most of you may know I joined the gym last Tuesday. I have a trainer and everything. Well today was day 4......

WHEW!! I am DEAD! Phil is pouring me a nice HOT bath.

I have always wanted a trainer and I am so glad I have one but Daaaaaaaannnnnnnggggggggggggggg........

She had me do 4.5 flights of stairs. One set of single steps up and one double. Then cross overs with the medicine ball, squats with the big ball, sit ups, step ups, did I say stairs? Bicept curl and tricept press, stairs, and press ups.
There is more but I am SO SORE I can't think.

but I will be honest...DANG I FEEL GOOD! Although I can't move. I come in the door and Phil cuts me up a fresh peach. Runs my bath. I am gonna take two IBproufen and the hot bath then go to bed.

Tomorrow is working out in the pool. Then I am going to take two days off then do cardio on Friday. There will be walking with the kids too. My workout today was 2 hours.

We measured me too because that will be a good thing to go by, better then pounds she said.

This will work! She said I did really good. Kept telling me good job. Said that for how long I was out of working out I was doing really well. I pushed myself as much as I could. I do NOT regret this yet.

I cried quite a bit today.

Church was a very emotional experience for me today. I am not sure why I get so emotional over babies and other things. Too much information following: But it is like every time I get my period it is another slap in the face. I can't tell you how far I should be along. I know I should be into my second trimester though.

I have moments when I feel God or I hear Him but it is pretty much a constant struggle. Today there was a brand new baby at church. She was 8 days old. I talked to the mom about her and then I said, do you think I could hold her. She said sure. I don't know why I WANTED to hold her but I did.

I held that precious little girl and just felt her warm body in my arms and the tears started to fall. I couldn't stop them. The little fingers. The tiny button nose, chubby little cheeks and tiny lips. I just held her tight and brushed her hair with my fingers. She was so sweet and peaceful. It was a hard moment but there is a part of me that wonders if it will be a part of the healing.

Yes to some of you I may be dwelling but I don't think I am. I only allow some times to do it. Please refrain from telling me I am dwelling cause it would be a very hurtful comment. Thank you.

Here is one of the songs from today. Two more will follow soon.

I'll Stand By You

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When your standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when....
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own.