I cried quite a bit today.

Church was a very emotional experience for me today. I am not sure why I get so emotional over babies and other things. Too much information following: But it is like every time I get my period it is another slap in the face. I can't tell you how far I should be along. I know I should be into my second trimester though.

I have moments when I feel God or I hear Him but it is pretty much a constant struggle. Today there was a brand new baby at church. She was 8 days old. I talked to the mom about her and then I said, do you think I could hold her. She said sure. I don't know why I WANTED to hold her but I did.

I held that precious little girl and just felt her warm body in my arms and the tears started to fall. I couldn't stop them. The little fingers. The tiny button nose, chubby little cheeks and tiny lips. I just held her tight and brushed her hair with my fingers. She was so sweet and peaceful. It was a hard moment but there is a part of me that wonders if it will be a part of the healing.

Yes to some of you I may be dwelling but I don't think I am. I only allow some times to do it. Please refrain from telling me I am dwelling cause it would be a very hurtful comment. Thank you.

Here is one of the songs from today. Two more will follow soon.

I'll Stand By You

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When your standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when....
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own.