Lost site of what matters

oh dear....

Today I have lost sight of what matters. I lost sight of Love, of Truth and Mercy. I lost site of God. I broke down. I had a melt down. I didn't know how to cope. I just have so much on my mind and plate.

here we go:

~ in the hospital yesterday for a head pain, worried about a brain anurysm, but everything came back clear
~ House is a disaster
~ Loosing my cool on Cooper
~ Need stamps and envelopes for Christmas cards.
~ Need pictures to put in the cards but wait! I don't have a camera! It is being fixed...
~ getting over a cold
~ not WANTING to have to wait for a child
~ still have a headache
~ 4.5 hours of sleep last night....
~ having to make the Christmas gifts

I totally snapped. I lost it. I lost Him. The enemy pulled me into my own worries and fears and anxieties. He pulled me further down faster then I could do it myself. I broke down. Tears, anger and frustration.

I lost God. In the heat of the moment I lost Him. He was still there the whole time but I got so wrapped up that I couldn't find Him. It just seems like I have so much building up but who doesn't?

So I feel like a complete moron venting and complaining. A dork asking for prayer. Weak....alone and scared....

I need to learn coping skills and I don't know how. I don't know where to turn, which way to go except in my heart I know that I need to go down. Down to my knees. He was waiting for me. I couldn't find the words so I asked some friends to pray. I cried and was vulnerable. I feel a little lighter and am feeling Him more.

I was told the closer you get to God the more of a spiritual battle that ensues. I need to de-clutter. I need to get rid of things. Both physically in my home and mentally. So many things are weighing on me. My weight. The house. House needs to be painted. Christmas deadlines. Need sitters. Need to save money. Need to pay back money.

ok I need to breathe. I need to find Him again. I need my eyes back on the prize. I need to just drop to my knees and cry. I need help.....