Always worrying.....

I don't know about any one else but I am my worst critic. I will be the first to run myself down and judge myself so that when someone else does it it won't hurt as bad. I have already done the damage so what will be said can't hurt as bad. What a way to go about things hey?
At work I mess up. Quite a bit. I hate it and I am the toughest on myself. I worry about what they are going to say when I get back to the shop. The looks that they are going to give me. The whispers I will hear. I work myself up thinking about it and trying to prepare for the worst. I always worry about how I look to others and how I act. Would so and so approve? I worry about what work might say and then they don't even say anything or they say something that is completely different. I worry about getting fired for messing up. Worry, worry, worry. Always worried about what others may think. Worried about what their opinions are going to be.
I judge myself to the point where I run myself down and that isn't good. When you are so used to being ran down since you were little it comes so easily. It is darn hard to work that message the other way.
I will admit that I am so no where near perfect. I have caught myself judging others. Now I actually stop and tell myself that it is not my place to do so. That I have no right.

At my work everyone swears even the bosses. It drives me nuts. That is a habit I stopped years ago and it was hard. Now I find that I slip at home. Not good. I was talking to another girl and she agrees that she doesn't like the swearing but yet she gets right in there and does so. I wonder why.
I notice that what others may think of me worries me. One of the guys swore flat out and I was like "whoa" kinda joking around but in my heart knowing that I was bothered by it and taking a timid step forward. The girl that trained me leaned over to him and told him that I don't like swearing. Then I instantly thought, oh boy what is he going to think of me now?
I am tired of worrying. The only opinion that I need to stop and listen to is Jesus'. That is the only one that matters and that is the one that I should be living by. I should be living Christ like but I cower. I get intimidated and intimidation is a nasty little thing. I need to just worry about what God wants of me and how to be more Christ like and not worry about how someone else is going to react. When they don't.

I was listening to praise yesterday and something struck me hard. Still thinking about it. For some reason I think it pertains here to me. Not sure if anyone else would get this or not and I don't know if it is the right context for sure. It is in Mark. 9:24. "Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, ' I do believe; help me overcome my disbelief.' "
I do believe that the only opinion that matters and the only one that can judge is God. Yet worrying about it shows that there is an unbelief there.

"Lord help me to believe that only your opinion and your will for me is what is important. Help me to overcome my disbelief and stop worrying about what someone will say or do cause in the long run the only thing that matters is you."