So today I missed work. Too sick and nauseous. My heart was telling me to go to the doctors because it has been getting progressively worse rather then better. Yet I still fought with myself as to wether or not it was my head (whiplash) or my baby that caused the gut wrenching inability to eat.
So I went to the doctor. After my husband and friends convinced me in not so few words to go. So there I stood with the perscription in my trembling hands worried. What if it harms the baby? It has been around for 15 years and proven safe. Many women use it during their pregnancy. After the worry came the doubt. I thought that I had failed. By taking the perscription I not only have failed myself but my husband and the baby too. Mommy can't do it without help from another source.
God told me through some dear friends and an awesome husband that I had not failed. That it is ok to need the pills and there is nothing wrong with it. He is trying to reach through to my head right now to let me believe that it is ok but my stubborness is too strong. I need to let that stubborn nature go as I try to let my heart believe God's words.
I believe but help me with my un-belief.
So here I sit with the pills and a glass of water in front of me. Hesitating to take them knowing full well that they may help. Hearing God and the ones I love tell me that it is ok. So much easier to listen to the little, not so quiet voice, that is telling me "you take those then you have failed".
I am not writing to get sympathy, far from it. I am writing to tell of my pathetic little struggle that I am dealing with as of now.
As they sit in front of me my stomach lurches and I worry about the little one. Perfectly safe for the baby but what about the way that I feel taking them? It's not like I am the only woman to be pregnant and to get "morning sickness" (that lasts all bloody day!!!). So why worry. Other women take it.
I guess just worrying about doing something wrong so that my child doesn't grow strong and healthy will always be on the forefront of my mind. My throat tightens as I stare down at them. Chocking down the pills with tears in my eyes I hope and pray that I am doing what is right for me and the baby. Too late now. It is done. Why don't I feel right about it?
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3 comments:
Hey Misty I had to take the pills during all 3 of my pregnancies. In fact I had to take them for the whole 9 months while I was pregnant with Grace in order to function somewhat normally. I was horrilbly sick. Baby needs you to keep food in your body so he/she can grow, so don't feel bad about it. All of my kids turned out fine.......
With them having been on the market for so long if they could harm the baby they would have figured that out by now. Like Jenn said your baby needs you to be able to eat. Every little bit of nutrition he/she gets comes from you. You absolutly are not a failure, if anything having the courage to ask for help when you(and your child) need it takes courage and is a sign of the wonderful mom you will be. Love you!!
It is good that you are concerned, but you have to take care of yourself to take care of your little one. =)
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