Why is it that fear can hold you so tight. Can play in your head until you let it control your thoughts to the point where you can barely sleep. Restless nights caused by fear.
Some of you may remember my "exciting" trip to the hospital this past March. It was diagnosed as "cluster migraines" and it went away eventually. But the fear was there.
Aneurysms run in my family. Lost many relatives to it. So I tend to get a little creeped out when I get a localized headache. The doctor that I saw in the emergency room realized my fear and thought it genuine. He had the same thoughts. So the testing began and we all know how fun that is. Hooked to machines. Punched full of holes. Something I really don't want to go through again.
Phil doesn't take it lightly when I tell him about it sometimes. It is something he takes seriously. When it happened last I went to bed with a headache and woke up barely able to move. So last night when I had this really bad headache I was scared. I shared my fear with Phil and he told me that it was nothing and that I will be ok. At first I jumped down the poor guys throat. I told him that it was a very real fear for me and that I needed him to know. He apologized and told me that he knows it is, he just didn't want the fear to take over me. He was right.
I let it take over. Hard to sleep. Tossed and turned scared that I may not wake up.
My dads was on his left side behind his temple. This morning I feel fine. Just a dull ache above my left eye. Feels muscular though. So the thought went through my head but instead I am going to reach to God.
Reflecting on last night's events this morning I realize that Phil was trying to help me. In the long run he did. It makes me think though too that God was coming through Phil and telling me that I would be fine and that it is only a headache. Not to worry. But for the life of me last night I did not see that. I saw the fear. The utter fear.
The fear took over and I let it. The hold was so tight on my heart (and head) that I wouldn't let it go. Time to stop fearing every time I get a headache or I will just drive myself nuts!!
Terrible how much fear can just grab hold of you and hold so tight until it is all you think of.
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3 comments:
Have seen your encouraging words at Lori's place many times... thanks for stopping by my place and leaving encouragement for me too :)
I'm sorry about the migraine... and you're right, the only place you'll find rest is in the Lord.
Blessings to ya'
Fear definatly holds us captive. Fear of all kinds. Thanks for the reminder of where I need to be leaning. As bad as it sounds, I've been in needof a reminder lately. Glad to hear you are better, I'm so sorry you are getting migraines now, miserable things!! Love you.
Michelle, I don't think it sounds bad at all that you are in need of the reminder. I think that sometimes we all need that reminder no matter how mature we are in our walk with God. Once we get the reminder it is a matter of remembering it. God always sends us these reminders. There is nothing wrong with needing them. I need them all the time.
Wisonian... THanks for the kind words. Makes me feel like I am doing something right. SOmetimes I tend to do that. :-)
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