Feeling Lost

This morning I was reading Jeff's blog. In it he talks about becoming lost in a grocery store and being separated from his mom. Almost like being too proud to ask for help because he was four and was a big boy. The time came when he asked for help and someone was gracious enough to take him under their wing and help him to find his mom again. Then he reflects about running through his mind trying to find Him.

"I'm a big boy now and I'm not supposed to be lost, definitely not crying, but where are You? You were just here, and now I've let go of Your hand."

How scary is that feeling? You know the one, where you look around and realize that you are all alone. That the person was just there, God was just there, and it seems like all of a sudden in the midst of letting go of His hand we seem to have lost Him.
I lose Him. All the time. At least I think I do. I get caught up in the moment and lost into my own little world that it almost feels like I can't stop and just focus on Him and see Him standing there right beside me. Through the tears and the blurred vision I have lost my way. I am alone. I run from Him. Then I collapse and hide because all I want to do is be back in those arms that are safe. To be back holding the hand of The One who will get me through every situation.
With puffy tear streaked cheeks, a runny nose and a nasty headache I frantically search to find where I am. Only to find that once again I have lost my way. Once again I have lost the focus. However, He hasn't. he knows right where I am. Where are You Lord? I hear myself cry. Nothing. No answer. So I cry harder. Then all of a sudden I stop. Just cease the emotion within me and listen. Hear it? There it is... He's whispering, I am right here. Take my hand.
So, rubbing the tears from my face I reach back for Him yet I almost feel like the energy within me is gone. Then I feel it. A hand in my own. It isn't His hand yet, I have gone too far. I can still see Him in the distance holding it out to me. Then I turn to look and He has sent an Angel to guide me back to Him. An angel in disguise. Someone to hold my hand and lift me up when I need to find the strength back because I have now admitted that I can't do it on my own. The angel is surrounded by others that help me to move back towards my Daddy. To support me and guide me into the direction my heart longs to go.
Slowly we start to move. Together as one. We move to the Father. Who still stands there with His arms stretched out wide encouraging me to come. Then the pace picks up and the next thing I know we are running. I run right into His arms head on. He picks me up and holds me close while drying my tears. The fear runs through me. How many more times will You still hold Your arms out to me? Forever, He whispers. How many times will You bring me back to you? Forever, He whispers. Looking into His eyes I see that He had tears too. How many times will You cry for me when I am lost and searching? How many times will you care? Again, He looks me in the eyes and says, forever. There is no time restriction on the love I have for you.
You know, I ran from Him. I got distracted. I stopped and listened and I heard Him. Right there beside me. Although I was feeling lost He knew where I was all along. He stood with arms wide open, never getting tired, waiting for me to run back into them. It feels so much better when I can just stop and be in His arms. Just be with Him. Know that He has me figured out and that He is there to support me. He has me by the hand. He knows when I may fall, but still stoops to pick me up. He knows I may get angry yet He doesn't get mad, He just waits for me to calm down with my tantrum. I really couldn't ask for a better Father.

Thank you to each person that has been my angel in that dark and lonely place. Those that have been that light and taken my hand to lead me back to His. I hope you all know who you are. For being there when I was feeling lost.

Thank you Jeff for reminding me of that this morning. For reminding me that although I am lost someone is there to lead me home. A message I needed to hear. That He is still there even when I think He is not.

Thank you God for your Love. For your angels that you send into my life every day to keep my arms lifted in praise to You. To keep me from straying too far. Thank you for those special people in my life that love me and support me. The special ones that bring me into focus on You. I just can't thank you enough. I love you more then anything and thank you Jesus for dying for me. For keeping your arms wide open for my love. For not losing me when my gut wrenches in fear that I have lost you.