Psalm 46:10

This has come to me today. I did not remember the name of where to find the passage or the number. This particular line came into my head today. "Be still, and know that I am God..." I am sure that I know why. I am sure that I have ignored that specific sentence for a while. However, today God seems to be reiterating that into my head.
Sitting down to think on it I have come to realize that there have been many times, this past year especially, in which God has been telling me to slow down. To be still. To know Him.
I have felt a longing to understand Him more and understand what He loves about me. This time last year I had a wakeup call. A call that told me it was time to slow down. I didn't see it as a sign like that until many months later. In the midst of it all I stood and yelled at Him. I screamed at Him, blamed him. Blamed myself. Then while I was taking the time needed I found myself apologizing to Him and searching for Him. Drinking out of the cup that He held out to me with patience.
The past little while I have heard that whisper again. The shhh... followed by being told to slow down and be still. To trust Him completely. I tell you that it is the hardest thing that I have been learning to do. With each circumstance learning that it is ok and that this is all happening for a reason.
I got a speeding ticket. Yeah, now that will tell you to slow down. I hurt myself at work. Then heard that little voice in my head that whispered, slow down my child. Then as I felt my world around me spiraling out of control I got wrapped up in it all. Panicked. Lost control, that wasn't mine in the first place. Let the noise become so loud that I missed the whisper. Now I hear it. Not just a whisper. The calling to slow down. The calling to relax and be still and know that He is God. Know that He has everything in His control.
I have found with the pregnancy that it is teaching me to be patient. Although some of you may laugh at that specific statement. My body is taken over by an alien! A little bean that needs the time to grow. If I am not patient with that then the end product would not be complete. If I had a way to rush it then it would be too soon. God's magnificent work wouldn't be able to fully come circle the way that He has planned. So once again I am being taught to slow down.
I fight that feeling all the time. I lose. I know I do. Yet the controlling part of me needs to believe that I can do it. Then He whispers. "Stop. Relax. Let me take this burden from your shoulders."
As soon as I let Him take that burden, that stress, it was literally like a load of bricks were taken from my shoulders. His loving arms lifted them from me and carried them away to a place where I didn't have to feel crushed. I put myself through it. I get stuck. I don't realize it until it is pointed out to me. God has His subtle ways of pointing things out for me. So that I get myself unstuck. Pulled out of the mud puddle I sink further into. Once I am still long enough and slow the struggle within me I don't sink as fast. I get pulled from out of that muck.
I have been off of work now for a week. Doctor put me on a medical leave in regards to my back and the pregnancy. I thanked God when that happened. I can now focus on the baby. On preparing my heart and home for a future. Yet, do you think I have? No. To be honest I don't think I have. I don't think that I have taken the time to just stop. I have been looking for a way to make sure that I am in some way bringing some kind of income into the home. I don't need to. There is that control issue again. God has granted me the opportunity to just sit back and enjoy what He has given me. Yet I fight. Fighting a battle that I won't win because it is not what God wants of me right now.
Right now I feel that He needs me to sit back. To be still. To know who He is. My Father. My Savior. My Romancer. My Redeemer. My God. It feels good to be loved. If feels good to be sitting here and making a resolution in my heart to just be still. To let myself not be in control. My control is futile as opposed to what He can do for me. I can't wait to just let Him speak to my soul. To my heart and to be ready and willing to hear it. To accept it. With open arms. With a gracious heart.
Thank you Lord for this reminder this morning. I am opening my heart, my ears and my soul. To be filled more completely with you. To have you to quench this thirst. I am ready to be still.