God and I

I have spent most of, if not all, my life running. Taking things that hurt or bother me and stuff them so deep down inside that I say to myself, "i'll deal with it later." Knowing full well that I won't. When they come back up to the surface I push them down again.
It seems to me that the closer I am getting to God, the more He tries to make me deal with it. So, I go back to the old Misty and try to push it away, but it almost seems like God is saying "uh-uh, no more hiding. I have put people into your life to help you and I am here for you. You have pushed it away long enough. It is time to get it out and trust me."
"what if i don't want to get it out?"
"to be with Me, I want and need all of you."
"it hurts too bad and i can't handle it. You are making it too hard"
"it may hurt and feel like it is never going to end but trust Me you can handle it. It is you that is making it harder than it needs to be, my child. Trust in Me and those I put in your path"
"i don't want to. i don't want to deal with things but i want to be close to You and feel You completely in my soul"
"then you need to trust Me. You can deal with these things, that is why they are happening now. You are strong in me. I love you and you can do it. I will never turn my back on you or leave things unfinished. We will get through this together"

(Whoa - weird. That all just came out. I think I was talking to God and He was talking through me. Amazing.)
I know that He won't abandon me but do I truly believe it in my heart? Growing up you are used to getting punished and in trouble. God sees that I am already suffering and He just wants me to know that He is there and to trust Him. As much as I feel that I need a punishment and that He should turn His back on me He stands there waiting for me.
I used the word trust quite a bit here. Maybe it is time to let God do His work so that I can be all His and not be holding anything back that He feels that I need to get out. I am actually tired of burying things and hiding them and God knows. It is time to trust Him and know that it will be alright.