Why...

Why is it that you feel like God is trying to get you to get things off your chest but when you start you just want to put them back in.
I have struggled with what God wants me to say, what He wants of my life and who He wants me to be. Not only do I struggle with Him but I struggle with myself. I want to do it all on my own. It hasn't worked yet so what makes me think that it will start working now? I do know that He sees someone that loves Him with all her heart and soul, but why is it that when you let the trust in Him take over you doubt Him?
What is it God??
What do you want? What do you need me to do?
I love you but I just don't get it...