Why is it that I give it to God with my heart yet my brain keeps me worrying and fretting?
Right now I believe that I am in a bit of my own wilderness. I am not going to get into it here right now, maybe one day but the time isn't right.
Yesterday I felt so at the end of my rope and felt the anxiety spiking and getting higher and higher. Now that isn't good for me so it definitely can't be good for the baby. So there I was driving my little Lordco car - praying out loud to God. I had turned down the music and just prayed out loud to Him. Telling Him that I am tired of the worry and the stress and that I know He will walk me through this wilderness so take the worry from me. Help me to be strong and remember that He was right by my side.
You know, I felt better. I made it a goal to work on giving it completely over to Him. Yet this morning my mind is just racing. Why don't I just leave it at His feet? Leave it outside? I feel like in essence I am almost slapping Him in the face saying, I take it back. But I don't. Not in my heart. In my heart it is now His.
I don't want to take it back. I want Him to handle it cause he does a much better job then I could. I guess it is the old tapes that I am struggling with. Time to disregard them and go on. I wish it were that easy.
I give it to God. The wilderness may be short, it may be long but thankfully He is the water that will quench my thirst and the food that will fill me to the fullest. Thankfully He won't abandon me.
Now, how do I get rid of my brain and its tendency to worry? How can I make that stop? Just stop myself and pray? Man I have a lot of learning to do.
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3 comments:
You are an athelete in training, you won't be able to excell in the race without a lot of practice. Practice, practice, practice.
It takes time. I still struggle with leaving problems in the hands of God. It's not easy for me either, so don't feel bad. God's still working with us.
I don't think it's a one time thing either. It's something we have to do consistantly. I think we can't help but to worry, it sneaks in there despite our best of intentions. I think the fact that you notice it(the worry) and are working to leave everything to him speaks of where your heart is. Don't be to hard on yourself just keep plugging away!!
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