Tough moments

Been in a few of those over my years. Moments that make me stop and remember things that I had thought I had buried so deep that I threw away the key. Only to come to the realization that it is not true. It is all still there.
Tested on a daily basis. I can't test God but He sure as heck can test me. In the tough moments learning what to lean on. Crawled into His lap and layed my head against His chest and felt His robe wrap around me and keep me safe. Keep me warm. He lets me cry. Lets me scream. Lets me get it out.
Put into situations and circumstances in which I am not comfortable only to discover that I have God beside me and I just need to focus on Him.
The tough moments are always the hardest to get through. But He did say that He would not leave us. The tough moments when you feel like all is lost He is there whispering in your ear to tell you to keep taking those baby steps. To deal with the past and the hurt because He is the great surgeon that will help to make my heart new and whole in Him. The surgery always hurts. Makes me bleed. Makes me weak. But deep, deep down I know that it is ok. Cause He is the only one with a steady enough hand to do the delicate work. The intricate details that only His hands know how to perfect.
The tough moments come in spurts. Some can all come at once and bombard me to the point where I drop to my knees. Too weak to move. Then in the moments of clarity I wonder if that was the point. If that was where He needed and wanted me to be all along. To bring myself to Him. To be held in His arms. To trust that it will pass.
Moments and things I am not willing to get into with anyone. Just turning to God or at least learning to. Maybe once we figure it out it will be time to let others in. Just being patient right now knowing that God has His plans and things come up now because He thinks I am ready. Even if I don't think I am. Carrying me through the moments.