Don't Leave

Tonight is one of my now common restless nights. Tossing and turning. Not able to sleep. Usually takes me an hour or so to get back to sleep. Sometimes just in time to wake up to the alarm.
In the midst of my tossing and turning my mind has been reeling back and forth. For some reason two simple words came to my head, "Don't leave".
I was reminding myself of when I was in the hospital. In my weakest moment wanting nothing more then to just cry I said those two words. To the people beside my bed in between the boughts of pain and tears I whispered to them "don't leave." They didn't. With the tears falling down my face and not able to open my eyes because of the pain they sat closer to me. Grew so close that I obviously felt their presence. Hands on my head or my back just assuring me that they were there and they weren't about to leave anytime soon. Wiping the tears and holding me close whispering to me that it was ok and they were there.
So of course that got me thinking even more and thus here I am.
I realized that I have said those two words a few times in my life. Who hasn't. I have whispered them. Thought them and said them right out loud. But it didn't matter how much I asked at those times those people left. They had to. So I was scared to ask in the hospital for my companions not to leave. What if they were to leave me like the others?
Parting or leaving someone is hard. It makes a mark on the soul that is hard to ever forget. Once I started thinking about those that have left me I started to think about God.
I have whispered those words to Him. I have screamed them to Him. Every time He tells me, "I am going no where. I am right here." When I allow myself to hear it. When I allow myself to accept that He is not leaving I feel His arms wrap around me and His hands dry my tears. The whole time wanting to run away from it all I would keep whispering, "don't leave."
I almost picture the scene as a small child crying out for their daddy not to leave. Here we sit with our arms outstreched to God with tears streaming down our puffy cheeks begging Him not to leave. But unlike our earthly fathers He won't leave. He is there for the long haul. Does He ever do this to us? Stretching out His arms to us wanting to pull us back in? Wanting to hold us and never let us go no matter how hard we try to fight it.
I wonder if God ever feels this way. He knows our hearts right? So when someone is so mad, upset or confused He knows. He knows when we are debating on leaving Him. As hard as it is to imagine we do it. We just want to leave and run away to not look back. Because we feel that we are done and that there is nothing being answered anyway. What is the point? So some have turned their backs on Jesus. Sad but true. Made me start wondering. When He knows what we are feeling in our hearts does He cry out to us? With tears falling down His precious cheeks reaching His arms out to us whispering, "don't leave."
Does this make any sense? In my head I get what I mean.
I think He does cry out for us to not leave. But more often then not I think we cry out to Him. I am starting to realize that when I cry out to Him He is crying back telling me that He is not going anywhere. Sitting closer to me drawing me into His arms and holding me. Stroking my hair, rubbing my forehead and just letting me know that His presence is real. I cry out to Him and He tells me that He is there.
How cool is it knowing that there is someone we can cry, "don't leave" to and He will listen and wrap His arms around us so tight that we know He is going no where. In my mind there are going to be the times when He cries out for us not to leave Him. So what are we going to do? Hold Him closer or run away? I plan on always pulling Him closer. The closer He gets to my heart the more at home I feel.