Ever Wonder?

Erin's blog got me thinking, dangerous I know, but....
You ever wonder what people would think if you left this world? I always had dreams and thoughts where no one would even notice that I was gone. The only people at my funeral was Phil and Michelle and Rod. Now, before you go and get all truthful on me give me a second...
One night Michelle and I got to talking about this. I told her that I know that she, Rod and Phil would be there and miss me but no one else. If looks could kill!! I got "the look" from her. She asked me, "what about your family?" I said that they wouldn't care and that they would get on with their lives not even noticing. She said, that I knew that wasn't true. Then she asked, "what about your church family?" I told her, give them a week then they would forget about me. Whoa!! I bet she just wanted to smack me.
I know that none of this is true but you ever wonder why you don't believe it? Ever wonder why you get these thoughts? I remember having a dream that night after talking to Michelle and there was everyone at my funeral. I couldn't believe it. Why? Why is it so hard to believe that people care?
Also, ever wonder why we put ourselves through so much pain when we hurt? When we hurt why do we beat ourselves up about it? It's not enough that we are in pain but we have to make it hurt more and hold ourselves responsible. Then trying to give that up many years later seems so impossible. How do we get these thoughts of doubt? We always wonder if we provided enough care, if we did enough for that specific person. If we changed enough lives. If we were good enough in others eyes. We always wonder, what if. Or we think, If only...
Ever wonder why it is so important to us to know that we are making a difference or making people feel comfortable with us? Why is it so important for us to know that we matter? God loves us and we are perfect to Him. He weeps when one of His children gets lost. So why is it never good enough for us to know that God has His plans for us and that we matter to Him? That He makes us important to others for a reason.
Ever wonder? I do all the time......