Holy Spirit

Wow. This is hard for me to put into words but I will try.
I have been on a wonderful journey since February. In February I met a friend who helped me to start this journey and continue it with more strength and passion each day. I have come to know my Father. I have come to know Christ. People tell me that they can see this journey I am on. I have been told that you can see the difference in my eyes. I have a sparkle. This journey is one of the best ones that I have ever been privledged to attend. Even lately I have learned to trust God. Sure, I get my bad days when it seems that the doubt is so much stronger than the truth. How wrong I am though. Lately I have had the faith that will move mountains. At least that is how I feel. I am still learning, I still have questions but God puts people into my path that will help me through.
It has been recently when I have come to actually realize how much the Holy Spirit has engulfed me. How much He is a part of my life and how much He is in control. Not just in me but my husband seems to be going through some awesome changes too.
Phil tells me that he is noticing changes and I told him that the Holy Spirit really, truly is moving within us. He told me that he thinks it is so much stronger in me though. He said that so many people are noticing me engulfed and the changes I am going through.
Awesome.
Just thinking about God overwhelms me on some days. I still tend to worry but I find myself thinking, God is in control, it will work out. When I was in the hospital last Saturday I remember laying on my side while getting the spinal tap. Every time the needle went in, six different attempts, I kept telling myself; I, Misty, am strong IN the Lord. While squeezing the life out of Phil's hand. The headaches and nausea still freak me out but I try not to worry. God will provide. Each day it seems a little better. Each day I can feel a little stronger. I know that I may not be cured with the drop of a hat but now I am patient enough to know that it will happen. In God's timing.
I feel that I have been broken, and I am nowhere near being totally pieced together again. Although it is like each day I feel God use a little more glue and a little more love to put me together again.
I do start to believe that maybe it is noticeable then I start to think that it doesn't really matter. Those closest to me and the friends I have met and made along this journey know. God knows.
I have come to realize that God has given me talents and gifts. I wasn't passed over on that day. I just am starting to learn these talents and gifts.
It still will take some time for me to love myself the way God does and to forgive myself as easily as He does. It just overwhelms me that His grace and forgiveness is so huge. It amazes me that Jesus died for little ol' me. That the Holy Spirit is within me so strong and just seems to keep growing each day, with each miracle I am shown and each piece of grace that He sends my way. I have the faith that I will get better. I tell Satan to leave me alone when I start doubting. Then I cry out for God to come into my heart with even more power and that I only want Him in my heart and in my life. No more evil. Evil is always around but boy oh boy does that Holy Spirit ever feel so much stronger.
It truly makes me giddy and makes me feel like an excited child. I am enjoying every part of my journey and I am so thankful that I have those special people in my life that I can share it with. I am thankful that Phil is feeling the same thing. I want God to use me and I am thankful that He is. I am so thankful.
I was baptized in 2002 and I understood what was going on, but now it is so much bigger. I almost want to do it again. I totally get it even more now. I just want to shout it out to the world!!
I, Misty, have welcomed God fully into my heart and will continue to do so for the rest of my days. I love God and I am proud to be His.