You ever notice when you are trying so hard to do something that is when you hear it the most. So many people are striving to forgive and let things go. This is when you hear it all the time.
I have heard the same thing from so many people. Forgiveness. Let it be.
Those are the two toughest things to do. I know God is there for us each step of the way but why is it still so hard? You bury things so deep that you think it is done then one day it has resurfaced. I know there are things that I need to work on but right now it is a struggle to just forgive this one person. How do you forgive someone that you had hated for 25 years. That is hard. I believe that I am only a few more steps away from it.
I have taken the steps that I thought necessary but is it now the time to finish it? I can't help but think, Did I rush it? Am I really ready? One day I just got it in my head to finish it. Is it too soon? Is holding onto that for so many years enough? Is it time to just let it be?
There is still another person that I need to work on forgiving. It is really hard though because deep down in my heart I believe that she doesn't deserve it. She deserves to live with the regrets, the hate and the disappointment. But does God see it that way? How do I let myself let it be? Doesn't she deserve to feel the pain? To have the nightmares? Hmmm.......
I layed in bed last night and after I finished praying I just wanted to cry. Of course I didn't let myself but all the hurt and pain that I am witnessing through others and myself seems to break me. I don't mind though. I am here for them as they are for me. Maybe it was wanting to cry with them. I don't know. I just wanted to cry.
Why is it that when you push everything aside you read blogs that make you think about it. You hear sermons about it and people in general are telling you it is time. Is God telling you? I see so many people growing and loving God more and more. That has to be the answer to letting things go.
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2 comments:
I personally can not think of anyone to forgive besides myself. I had bullies in school ya, but I never knew them, just what they did. I didn't even know their names. I just tried to block them out throughout school. so ya, I didn't have friends and the friends I lost touch with were not cause of disputes or anything. just went separate ways on our own.
it is frustrating to see everyone finding things in their life, but I find nothing. all because i lived a closed off life.
Its tough, but for one's spiritual, mental and physical well being forgiveness must be offered, even if the other person or people don't recipicate.
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