Monday, March 02, 2009

You are NOT worthy

that sentence from the enemy rings so loud and true in my own mind right now. Tonight I tried sharing what was on my heart and everyone got up and walked out. I am sure it was unintentional and they must not have realized I was sharing but it hurt me deep. Last night a friend got up and walked out on me because of a disagreement.

I have slowly been letting my walls back down, slowly starting to let people in but it has turned out to just bite me in the ass. It breaks my heart when people walk out on me. It proves to me that I am NOT worthy.

God is fighting for me telling me I am worthy. Yet the actions of others ring loud and feel true. It hurts. It hurts bad. I can't stand being hurt. I am sure no one can really.

So standing up for myself has only caused conflict and made me to feel even more unworthy then before. I feel so hurt and lost that I really don't know what to do. I know the enemy is playing on it and having a hay day with it. I will make sure I try to reach to God but right at this moment I feel so lost that I don't know how to.

I am not worthy.

Yes I AM.

sigh..........what is the truth? God.

1 comment:

Nicole said...

I'm very sure it was unintentional, but it still makes you feel bad.

Satan loves when we put walls up. When we put them down, we are being more open to people, God and also Satan's attacks. When you have them up, he leaves you alone because he is happy. But the more you put them down and the more you let God in, the harder Satan is going to come at you trying to poison your mind.

When you feel lost, pray.
"I will make sure I try to reach to God" - the great thing about God is that you don't have to try to reach Him, just hold out your hand and say help, and He is the one that reaches out and grabs our hand.