Sunday, November 28, 2004

Always the Right Timing....

I find that whenever I am stuck and confused I always get a message that relates to what I am thinking. Scott's message today was one that hit the spot for me. I took that rock and I will hang onto it. Just when I think Goliath is going to win I get a sign to keep fighting and for sticking up for myself. I was told though to pick my battles carefully and learn how to play the politics game. I am getting it now. Breaking Goliath down. I don't really think that I am sinning or anything but I do have my Goliath.

Also I was reading another blog sight and in it there was a message that I think was meant for me to read. It read as it was God speaking to you saying "I love you. I'm so glad you're my child. I'm so glad to be your God. I love the way you look. I love the way you think. I'm also glad you're in the world". Thank you God. I am glad to be God's child. I am glad that He loves the way I llok even though I don't. I am thankful that He loves the way I think even though I second guess it sometimes because I am being influenced in some way.

It just seems to work out that whenever I am struggling with something my pastor just happens to be saying the right words on that Sunday. It just happens that all the songs are the ones that I need to hear, that I need to sing and that God needs to hear me praise. I am so thankful for everything in my life and I say so all the time. Even though everything may be going to the dogs I always get what I need. It always seems to be the right timing.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

"Isn't it Ironic"?

Does anyone out there know the song by Alanis Morisette entitled "Ironic"? Well it sure does apply to me right now.

Yesterdays blog was about Murphy's Law (somewhat) and how it seems to be pertaining to my life in the past little while. Well........ at ten to four today I go to leave work for a doctor's appointment. I went out to where I parked my car. It wasn't there. Yep STOLEN!!! Now that is IRONIC! I stoof there for a few minutes like an imbecile(sp?) trying to wonder if I had actually parked my car in that specific spot. It must have looked pretty darn funny - I tell you. I was standing there in the pouring rain with a dumb look on my face. I went inside and called my husband Phil. Did you come and pick up the car? He responded no why? I said then it was stolen. My boss saw it out there when she came in today at 8:30 am and one of the other girls that started at 2 saw it out there where I left it. But when I went out there it was gone. I started laughing. It was all I could do to stop from crying. The adreniline was taking over. I was delerious. Now the tears came just because I was SO frustrated. Needless to say that I didn't make my doctors appointment and I have to get off early tomorrow to try and make it again. Wait a minute, I can't! No car. Yes we do have a second vehicle but it is in Phil's name and when he insured his truck he wasn't even thinking. He put on that special insurance where if you haven't had your liscence for ten years or more you can't drive the vehicle. Yep you guessed it. I have only had it for nine! I can't even back the darn thing out of the driveway. Murphy again!!!

Darn that Murphy?

Anyone else up there getting a kick out of this???????????

Monday, November 22, 2004

Murphy's Law

Murphy's Law:
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
I learnt that from my photography teacher in highschool. Lately I have tended to add two words: to Misty. I am not trying to feel sorry for myself but it just happens that way sometimes.
I have been looking for a new job for a while now but not wanting to settle for a fast-food job, I apply anywhere but. And I haven't found a job why........... Yep high standards. It is so hard not to have them about yourself and your life. I am the type of person that has to have all the answers right away and will "jump the gun" even before it has gone off. A few people at work are fortunate enough to be getting out of there but nope- not me. My husband says that God has a reason for me to be there still. Yeah it's all a game to Him I said, just because I am so frustrated. People are able to afford a new house, mine costs over $700 dollars a month towards someone else's morgage. Some get a new car, mine has a mind of it's own with a list of things that need to be fixed way too long to post. Oh and to top it off it doesn't look the best either. Someone I know is going to Mexico again, second time in a year and a half, which seems like a lot to me, with my idea of going to Mexico consists of going to white rock on a day that is actually warm enough that you won't have to wear a jacket.
Maybe I am supposed to be at my job for a little longer. My latest thing has been doing some soul searching. It took a while but I think that I am finding it. maybe if I wasn't there still I wouldn't even be thinking about soul searching. I love kids and want to be able to work with them. Become a nanny? I still want to go to school too. But can I afford to be a nanny and take a pay cut to do something that I love to do that won't stress me out and have me cry over almost everyday? The fact that I can't afford a house yet - I have a roof over my head, family and friends that love me and a relationship with Jesus that I am struggling to develope stronger with each chance that I can. I have Jesus in my heart. The car - it gets me from point A to point B (barely) and it fits my "niece" nicely. It is also totally paid off too so no worries about a lease payment or a loan payment there. Mexico - I may get there one day but memories can be made anywhere.
I know that there are worse things that could happen in regards to Murphy's Law but I am thankful that it hasn't.
I am reading a book by Phil Callaway called "Making Life Rich Without Any Money". When I first got the book I thought - yeah right, bring it on, I want to know this secret. The secret - Letting Jesus into your heart and knowing that He will take care of you. I am working on that. Why bother stressing out? I will still be here tomorrow and the specific probelm that has ailed me today may or may not still exist but why bother stressing myself out to the point that I am so sick I can't move? Probably cause I am only human and the little fact of doubt and uncertainty still lingers in the back of my mind. It is so hard to let it up and trust that what is happening may be happening all for a reason.
A teenagers suicide note to his parents said this "You gave me everything to live with, and nothing to live for" (Phill Callaway - Making life rich without money). Makes you think doesn't it? I have so much to live for that I can't even begin to list it all without boring each and everyone of you (if I haven't done so already).
I thank God that I have so much to live for and so many people in my life that love me and care about me. So I guess what I am trying to babble about here is that "anything that can go wrong, will go wrong" - if you let it.

Friday, November 19, 2004

T'is the Season

Now this may make me sound like I am a real scrooge; but contrary to what follows, I really do love Christmas. Except for:
1) the long line ups
2) grumpy shoppers that push past you in such a hurry you think Christmas is tomorrow
3) busy parking lots
4) long line ups
5) kids screming so loud because they want to be there as much as they want a tooth pulled
6) christmas inflation of prices
7) the pressure of finding the "perfect" girft
8) thinking you are all done then remembering that one person you saw last Christmas
9) arguing over who gets to go to moms for christmas this year

When did Christmas get so out of hand? What ever happened to the story of Christmas? What about just getting together for the company rather than the fact that it is Christmas and you should have so and so over at least once this year. I do wish that it could just be about watching a child's eyes light up at the sight of a christmas tree or seeing santa and wanting to make sure they get to sit on that ever popular knee. I am looking forward to watching my best friend's little girl grow up and showing her what christmas is supposed to be about for real. I can't wait to see her eyes sparkle when she looks up at the christmas tree or when I can see the smile on her little face as she is all bundled from the bitter cold waiting for the end of the parade so she can see santa. I can't wait for her to know about the meaning of christmas and why it is so celebrated even though it may have been lost over the centuries.
I think that christmas is really starting to get out of hand. I like to do it for the kids. Having dinner with family and being around those that help to retell the story of Christ.
So I say BAH HUMBUNG to all the hustle and bustle that seems to be Christmas, although I am a part of that crazy crowd. I know that my eyes still sparkle and dance at the sight of the bright lights and yes I still do get so excited that I can't sleep and I am sick to my stomach, but I think it is all due to the fact that I am going to be with those that I care about. (and you still have to have the heart in your throat that there just might be snow when you wake up christmas morning.)
So be brave and go into the abyss we call the mall this year and remember something that I almost forgot. It isn't about how great the gift may or may not be, it's the thought. Remember that love is all you really need and don't forget the real reason we celebrate.
So Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004


Lately it seems that I have had a new outlook on things. I DO NOT CARE!! No one else really cares so why should I? I give my all yet no one notices and it isn't appreciated. It used to really bug me and I let it. Yet when I start thinking that no one acknowledges me and what I do I am reminded of Matthew 6:5-8. Also I am reminded that doing good deeds without the recongnition(sp?) from fellow men is better than getting a pat on the back. For when "your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matthew 6:4). I know I am quoting phrases and verses but when I read these specific ones they really stuck in my head. I don't know the bible - far from it - but I am learning. So technically I should be thinking of these thoughts when I start getting down and letting things control my life and the way that they make me feel. I am not trying to preach here because I am not the right person to be doing so at all. Just what is on my mind. So I guess what I am trying to figure out is how in the world do I remember these these thoughts when it really seems to matter. When I have the time to sit down and think I remember simple things like this, but at the specific time that I need to remember them it skips my thought. This may make me seem like a hypocrite but I don't believe I am. I am slowly starting to learn not to care what others think of me and wether or not the things that I am doing will be acknowledged by someone. The only judgment that matters is our Father's right?? I have a family and friends that love me no matter how "fat" I feel or how lost I am. I have a roof over my head and God in my heart. So to everything else: I DO NOT CARE. I don't want to be the kind of person who becomes a robot and conforms to what society wants me to be like and act like but it is so hard not to get trapped in those ugly long talons. With each day it feels like I am becoming a shell of my past self. No spark is left in my eyes and my ambition is gone. Okay now I care. How is it possible to let myself be sucked dry and empty? God help me to be strong and not to become who I am not.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

David VS Goliath

You may have grown up hearing about David and Goliath but for myself I finally heard that wonderful story about four years ago (maybe more). Just recenlty I have begun to see what and who Goliath actually is. Everyone has their own Gloiath. There may be one of them or there may be more. I only seem to be facing one of them right now. However, unlike David I am not as brave. I feel like going into a corner and hiding from Goliath and letting him tower over me and keep looking down on me. Letting Goliath win. I guess my battle has only started.

I think that just recently I have picked up that stone. I am so nervous and scared, but one thing I can say is that I am trying to stand up for myself against this giant.

I can't help thinking what if..........

I loose my job
Things get worse
People start disrespecting me

My husband told me not to worry about it and that we will handle whatever may come our way. Let God take care of it. There is that Pawn again. It's my move. I wish that I could have the bravery like David showed but I realize that I can only ask that God may help me to be strong and know that things will work out. I just wish that God could give me some kind of a hint that I am doing what is best for me and that I am not messing anything up. (too severly) It is so hard to let Him take it under control. The whole uncertainty thing is tending to weigh a little more. I just need to let my trust in Him take over.

So, with a shaky hand and a loose grip I still hold onto this rock. Saying a little pray. Goliath is so much stronger and bigger than me but I can't let him win anymore.

Monday, November 08, 2004

God's Pawn?

I have heard good things about this whole blogging experience yet I am still unsure. I always figured that no one needs to read about my problems because they are so petty compared to what others are going through. However, I need someone to talk to so here I am. I know, I know, I have my husband and my best freind who are always there to listen and provide advice, but they have to right? It's in the contract? Well, here goes........
You ever notice that when you are happy and everything is going well you don't have the time to sit and think aboout yourself? You don't want to waste those good feeling moments? Yet here I am. So you guessed it! Everything is going GREAT and I have nothing wrong in my little world. (can you say SARCASM???)
I've been noticing that I am having a really hard time at work lately. I know I shouldn't let myself get stressed out and have it rule my life, but even though I know better, it does. I just feel like I can't take the stress and I am going crazy. I don't like what this stress is doing to me and the thoughts that flutter around in my head. Albeit they are small useless thoughts but they are still there to scare you and make you think. I really need to get out of my job yet I can pray and pray but still know that tomorrow I will be waking up going to the same job that makes me feel so useless. I know that tomorrow could be the day I get a phone call for an interview but I still don't believe it. Ever feel like you are just one of God's pawns in a little game that He is enjoying playing with you? I do. I know I shouldn't because He doesn't give us anything we can't handle right? Yet I can't handle it anymore! God wants me there for a reason still right? I just wish I really knew what that reason was. Enough is Enough. No more games. I know - patience right? It is so hard when it keeps running so thin. Now I think I need to just sit here and wait and pray that the next move isn't a check mate that will trap me for so much longer.
Well, thanks for listening and I hope I make some sense. Sorry for boring anyone and making myself sound so hard-done-by. But you know what? I think I do feel a little better!!