Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Our Daily Bread for today

"Just as a bird is never bigger than a mountain, no problem is ever bigger than God. It’s all a matter of changing our perspective."

"The problems that we face each day
Can seem too much to bear
Until we turn our eyes to Christ
And trust His tender care. —Sper"

"We worship a God who is greater than our greatest problem."

I love when things are put simply like that for me and I can really relate to it. This daily bread made me understand and made me think of how big God really is.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

weigh in at the gym tonight

So I got back from the gym and I thought I would update. I could have done better but at least I lost not gained.

I could have done so much better had I stuck to it BUT with that being said, I feel like I have done well considering. Also seeing the results.

So the measurements from Aug. 11 are when I first joined, then today.

Aug. 11 ~~~~~~ Oct. 28 total

weight 199.0lbs ~~~~~~ 182.4lbs (-16.6)
Shoulders 43" ~~~~~~ 42" (-1")
Chest 42" ~~~~~~ 40.5" (-1.5")
Waist 38" ~~~~~~ 35.75 (-2.25")
Hips 48" ~~~~~~ 43" (she redid this measurement 3 times!) (-5")
Thighs 25.5" ~~~~~~ 23" (-2.5")
Calf(sp?) 16" ~~~~~~ 15.5 (-.5")
Abs 40" ~~~~~~ 38" (-2")
Bicept 13.25" ~~~~~~ 12.5" (-.75")
Bicept flex 14" ~~~~~~ 13.5" (-.5")

She is doing a new schedule up for me. I have to get past the weight number and the body fat which is at 40.1 now instead of 41.4. My BMI is 27.7 instead of the 29.4 it was. I have to get past those crazy numbers because I did lose. I could be worse! I do feel proud of myself and have to stop focussing on the negative.

Look what I made!!

I have been inspired by Michelle and all her sewing and crafts. Although this looks very amateurish I tried. A few things were learned:

1) buy inerfacing
2) PREWASH material first (I knew this but forgot and got anxious to work at it)
3) have an iron

so anyway I think it turned out not too bad. This is SUPPOSED to be size three but it looks pretty big to me. Don't mind the quality of pics. This is a first for me. I did enjoy it and it really didn't take too long.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

More from The Shack -pg.136

Sarayu is God's Holy Spirit.

Sarayu is talking to Mack here....

" 'Mackenzie, evil is a word we use to describe the absence of Good, just as we use the word darkness to describe the absence of Light or death to describe the absence of Life. Both evil and darkenss can only be understood in relation to Light and Good; they do not have any actual existence. I am Light and I am Good. I am Love and there is no darkness in me. Light and Good actually exist. So, removing yourself from me will plunge you into darkness. Declaring independence will result in evil because apart from me, you can only draw upon yourself. That is death because you have separated yourself from me: Life.' "

The last three sentences are kind of what really got me but I included the whole paragraph so you can see where it was coming from.
'So removing yourself from me will plunge you into darkness.' - well dang that explains why I feel detached and alone from God. Because I removed myself from HIM. I blamed HIM, I was angry at HIM, I decided I didn't need HIM and that He really wasn't all that perfect. I was in darkness, I was alone but it was MY FAULT. He was really there all along and still is and now that I have been trying to bring myself back into Him, I think I can see the light.

'Declaring independence will result in evil because apart from me, you can only draw upon yourself.' - another well dang moment. That is so true. I didn't have anywhere else to turn. I had felt lost and alone and in my times of this darkness I only felt I could trust myself and what I can do for me. Wow. I was wrong. Soooo thankful for those that have cared for and about me and loved me through all these things.

'That is death because you have separated yourself from me: Life'. Yep I sure did. I felt like I had died inside. WHY?? Because I put up a wall around myself so that He could not penetrate it. When in actuality who was I kidding. He knocks and waits for me to answer. Thank you Lord!

I don't think being a Christian is always going to feel like being on top of the mountain. I think we are like any human and will have ups and downs. I don't think we are invincible but when we have those downs where do we turn? To God? To friends? To family? To loved ones? To ourselves? And who is going to have the answers to the questions we ask? Only God. God working through loved ones. God working through those that care.
I couldn't hear, feel or see God. Right at this moment I think I realize that it was not because He wasn't there. It was because I wasn't there. I was dead because I had separated myself from Life.

I am sure I make no sense but there is a huge part of me that feels happy because I know in my heart of hearts that He is holding me. That my life is worthy, that He knows what is in store. The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. Although I may not understand and my garden may look a mess, He takes pride in it. In me. I am worthy of Him. He is there. Time to let that sink in fully.....

baby steps I guess.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]

2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

Thursday, October 09, 2008

I suck at this

I feel like I am not a good parent. Like I can't handle this. I used to have more control over Cooper and now HE is controlling me. AT TWO AND A HALF!

I think I checked out a long time ago and I think he has taken advantage of that. Sure today he is sick but he is pushing every button and stretching things as far as they can go. It is like I don't know how to discipline him anymore. I have stopped being consistent. I have to get that back.

I feel like I have failed as a parent and like I shouldn't be doing this. That Phil will be more suited to it. Right now Cooper is pitching a fit because he wants me to "come back". I told him if he didn't lay down I would leave. Prayers were done, books were read and kisses were given. Hugs were administered and so was a song. He insisted on pushing me and saying he wanted another book. I said no.

So right now he is calling for me, screaming is more like it and I am trying to just let it go. It is hard as my every being wants to go and scoop him up and cuddle him. I will go in there and put him back in bed and tell him he needs to stay in bed but I just feel like I don't even know what I am doing anymore.

He used to be so well behaved. That went out the window. I am sure you ask anyone and they will tell you how he is. He is a very high spirited, controlling child. Apparently just like I was as a child.

Maybe I am not cut out for this parenting thing. Maybe I should only have one. I need to check back in and figure out consistency. It has been a long day and I feel like I just can't take anymore.

and I just got a call from the local Liberal party in my area. Grr....stupid telemarketers.

Maybe I need to check into a mental institute and not come out. LOL. I hear the jackets are nice. hahaha.....

crazy, crazy, going crazy, 1...2....3....4...going crazy.....switch....

LOL. kidding.