Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Praying for Family

I am here to ask if I can get some help to lift the McLatchy's in prayer today, especially. Today is an important day and I just lift them to God.

Lord, Let your presence be ever so strong and known today more then ever for Rod and Michelle. Let that heartbeat be heard. Hold them all in Your ever faithful and strong arms. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Great timing

But I think God already knew that was going to happen!
Phil and I were talking this morning and wondering how we were going to afford certain things. Was thinking about the simple things like milk and gas. Today as church ended a friend handed me an envelope with my husband and I's name on it. She said someone had given it to her. Upon opening it I discovered a couple gift certificates to Superstore. I cried. It was perfect timing. We were just talking about it this morning.
So we got milk. We even got some gas at the Superstore station. I opened the envelope stared at the contents in misbelief and among the tears I said, "Ok God I get it." He still continues to bless us and amaze me. Just when I thought we were stuck He came through. Thank you to whoever gave us that wonderful blessing and I just pray that God blesses you as much as you have blessed and He blesses us.
Little things that God does to show me that He knows our situation. He knows where we are and why we are there. He knows what we need and gives it to us when we need it. Gives me hope and faith that it will really all work out. I am not saying that I may not still worry but it is the little blessings like this that I need to remember.
Thank you.

Baby's room is done

Baby's room is done
Originally uploaded by Miss-Buggy.
Yeah!! All done. Just waiting on our baby now! 7 more weeks!! Panic setting in! You can check out My Flickr for more pictures too.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

poor kitty
Originally uploaded by Miss-Buggy.

I got this from a pregnancy message board I go to. Her husband sent it to her.
It is kinda commical if the cat didn't look so darn sad.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Feeling a little flustered

So my poor husband is now coming home due to lack of work. So this is a half day he will be missing. He missed two days last week too. He switched jobs and was happy for a while. I think he still is but it is just frustrating with the baby on the way and he keeps getting sent home. He is frustrated too. It doesn't help the matters, I am sure, that I am not able to work. There really is no point in beating ourselves up over it because there is nothing we can do.
I know that these things are happening for a reason. He gets medical with this job and that is a bonus that was lacking at his old job. I know that God knows what is going on and that he will provide. Still frustrates me.
Just needed to vent. I feel for my poor husband. I can just imagine the strain and stress that this puts on him. We just need to keep praying. I know that God will provide and that is the only thing that keeps me hoping.
He has blessed us immensely the last while and for that I am grateful. I guess you never really see the end when you feel smack dab in the middle of the storm.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Fragility of life

So, I have been hesitant on what to write in the last few days. Wanting to write about my baby but in light of what Michelle is going through I find myself struggling with it. Although I do not understand the full complexity of her situation my heart breaks for her. The tears fall and I cry out to God. I am hanging on to the hope that everything is ok and that the little heart beat of their baby is just so faint that a mistake happened and the ultrasound techinician just missed it.
I am not reaching for sympathy at all. I don't even understand the meaning or the feelings that I am having towards all of this. I just ask that we keep the family in our prayers. If we can move mountains in Jesus' name we can ask for that heartbeat, can't we?
I am very hesitant on posting cause this is a sensitive thing for Michelle. Which is TOTALLY understandable. I know some of you may be thinking, it is a free world post what you want. That just isn't the first thing that comes to my head or heart.
With all that is going on I just get this reality of how fragile life really is. It makes me stop in my tracks and think about the wonders and the workings of God. Then I kinda get confused and just pray. I have been praying a lot.
I want to talk about my baby but don't want to hurt feelings. So please understand that it is not my intention.

My baby is getting more and more active. It amazes me, the fact that it is a little person inside of me. The alien like movements that make me groan because they hurt. I feel like he is pushing out of my stomach. Like, "Ok mom I am here. Don't forget me." I can't believe that there is only 7 weeks left. With everything that is going on I feel myself more and more anxious to feel him move. More and more scared that we are not ready. But who is ever totally ready to bring a new, helpless little baby into the world?
At least the room is done. I was watching a show on TLC called "Bringing Home Baby." The couples' baby was born 3 weeks early and thus they were not ready at all for the baby. Nothing was set up or anything. Maybe then it is a good thing that I am so anal and have to have so many things done.
Life is so fragile and it scares me. It scares me that I am going to be responsible for the upbringing of a new life. Then I think, well God obviously has the confidence in me so maybe I need to just believe in myself.

I want to end this thought with a request for prayer. Please keep praying for Michelle and Rod. For their baby. I have a feeling that the baby was just hiding. I pray that I am right. I hope that by talking about my baby it doesn't make me come across as insensitive cause really I am not. I ask for the health of my baby and the health of Michelle's.

Lord, we lift Michelle and Rod to You. We lift the family to You and in Your name we ask for that little heartbeat to be heard. We ask You to hold the family in this time of pain and hear our cries to You. You can make miracles happen and we are praying for one now.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Please pray

For my family, The McLatchy's. They are going through some really rough moments right now. You can read Michelle's blog for more.
Please help me and the others praying to hold her up in prayer, to hold them up in prayer. I just keep hoping.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Why the heck can't I see it?

I know that we all have our storms. Our valleys. Our places that God just needs us to be. I know that He has a good reason for us to be where we are but why the heck can't I see it?
I may be in the middle of this storm, I may be just beginning but I hope that it is at the end soon. In my heart I know that God has a reason why this is all happening now. A reason that will bring us closer to Him and I know that I need to trust Him but there is really part of me that just wants to yell and scream. I just wish that I could somehow see what He is seeing for me. What do you see in our future Father? Why must we feel this pain and this struggle? Are we being taught a lesson?
As I tend to, I worry about things. I think oh well when this and that happens then we will be just fine. But damn it when is it going to happen!? Why must I feel the stress level rise? How high until too high?
I know, I know; trust God. I would say that I do but this is obviously showing that part of me doesn't. Part of me just pulls my hair out and makes me want to just run away.
This could just all be building me character right? I sigh to that. Do I really need to build this much character? I need to turn to God and I try. I beg. I pray. I too, do believe in prayer. I say the same prayer over and over. I think about all the prayers He has answered in my life but tend to get stuck back to the but why not this one? I know that it isn't a matter of it not being answered but just the fact of the matter that it isn't the timing I am looking for. It will be answered in God's timing. Not mine. It just frustrates me.
We all seem to be going through some struggles and storms. There seems to be so many of them going on right now and I know that I am not the only one. Part of me then feels like I am selfish if I ask for prayer for situations. Other people need prayer too, not just me. I am not the only one having this happen but I just feel stuck.
In my heart I believe but I fight it on the outside. It reminds me of a verse in the bible where a "boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!'" Mk. 9:24 So here I stand yelling it inside my soul as loud as I can. Forgive me for my unbelief Lord and help me to overcome it. Then again I want to feel that difference immediately.
I am thankful for my life. No matter what. I have an awesome husband, a baby on the way, a roof over my head and food in my belly. A God that won't leave me stranded no matter how I feel like I already have been. Family and friends that support us in more ways then just one.
He has a plan for us. He knows why this is happening now. I just wish I could see what He sees. That I could get a little glimpse of it. Why the heck can't I just see what He sees? I guess part of it is because I have created myself to be blind but I really want these blinders gone.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Don't laugh

Ok. I posted the picture of the tree. I think it is done. You can check out my baby's blog to see a picture of it. The camera I have doesn't like indoor shots so bear with me. You can also check out Sue's blog for pictures of us trying to complete it. She helped me do the leaves.
Just don't laugh!!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

32 weeks

32 weeks 001
Originally uploaded by Miss-Buggy.

Lots of stuff...just chatting

Lets try this again. Just lost it all a second ago.

As I am approaching the eight weeks remaining mark (yahoo) I find I am still in shock of the changes. Just this morning I bent over to reach for my glass of milk and realized that the belly got in the way sooner then usual. I swear he must have had a growth spurt over night. Phil says that I make funny noises when I bend over or reach to do my shoes up. I guess I do.
I find it funny the reactions you get and how excited people become seeing a pregnant person. The "when are you due". The eyes light up. "Is this your first." It is fun. I have been going to visit a friend at the hospital and yesterday as I got into the elevator the nurse looked at me and said, "are you sure that you want this elevator? The one up to maternity is just around the corner." I just chuckled and said "yep." I ask that we can continue to pray for Liz and her recovery though.
I have been painting a design on the wall in the baby's room. I have never really painted before. Not a room, let alone a design. I am not a professional and I struggle with the way it is looking. It doesn't look perfect or exactly the way I want it to. I am a perfectionist. I am trying to do this to the best of my ability. I can post pictures when I am done with it but only if you promise not to laugh at it too hard. Sometimes I start to feel a little overwhelmed and wonder what the heck I am getting myself into. Then he gives me a little kick and reminds me that I am doing it for him. Out of love. I just hope that he likes it. The thing that bugs me is that we don't own this place so one day I will have to leave it. I will cross that bridge though when I get there.
Of course with the day getting closer I am worrying about getting things completed. I wonder how we are going to afford this and that. Then this morning I layed in bed and just talked it out with God. Told Him that I am going to totally trust Him. That I need to. That it is in His hands. Layed there a while feeling His warm light washing over me and I knew, deep down in my heart, that everything will work out. He sure amazes me.
So, I guess I should get on with my day. I have more painting to do. My shoulder is getting sore! hehehe. But this little boy is worth it. I love him so much now. It amazes me that I will love him even more when he gets here. Anyway...enough of my rambling.....

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Being hurt...

"However it happens, when we are let down in a loving relationship, it can be a very painful experience. This is because it works against an essential ingredient of life that we all need - hope. All relationships need hope or the positive anticipation that our connection to this person will be safe, fulfilling, and growth-producing. We envision a bright and loving future with that person. But when there is a pattern of let-downs, the result is that hope deferred makes the heart sick (Prov. 13:12). And over time through many disappointments, hope - and love - can be seriously injured inside us.

One positive aspect of this sort of hurt is that it is a sign that your relationship is still alive. Your care and investment in the person causes you to be vulnerable to their behavior. Though they cause you pain, if you felt nothing it would mean that something has died. So that sort of hurt is a signal to you that this person still matters deeply to you."

read more here.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Find me in the River

Every time I hear the song "Find me in the River" by Delirious I find myself being pulled to my knees. Before I even realize it I am dropping to the ground in pure worship of Him.
There's a part of me that is attracted to the river. Wasn't until a friend had pointed that out to me that I thought that God was using this to bring me closer to Him. That this was yet another one of His ways in which He was romancing me and pulling me into Him completely.
Something about just picturing the river and sitting in it on my knees that almost makes me want to cry. I can sit forever by a river. The calm. The roar of the water crashing over rock after rock. The sun bouncing off the rocks underneath the surface creating new and unique designs. The birds dipping their wings into the water as they gracefully skim over the ripples.
Like a little voice is whispering my name in my ears. A part of me feels like He has created this just for me. A part of me grows warm. Feels safe. Secure. Loved.
The river pulled me to it during some really hard times. Some emotional times. Lonely times. Scared times. Confused times.
There are times when walking over rocks I have wanted to just stop. To step into that water, no matter how cold. To raise my hands in praise to my Father. To drop to my knees and feel the water surround me. What is stopping me you may ask. Worried about looking like some crazy person. Who might see me. What might they think. Then the thought that God would see me. He would smile and embrace me. Maybe one day I will be able to overcome my fear of someone thinking I am weird and maybe, just maybe I will do it. Part of me is afraid of the emotion that might come with it. Will I sob uncontrollably? Will I smile and look up to the Heavens? Only God knows and part of me is going to one day know what that feels like. What it feels like to physically stop and drop to my knees in the river. With my soul bared out to Him. Just to think of Him and how for some reason this is what He has chosen for me to experience. One day on my knees, no matter how dry the river bed He will find me there. Maybe I need to find myself there.

Find Me In The River

Find me in the River
Find me on my knees
I've walked against the water
Now I'm waiting if you please
We've longed to see the roses
But never felt the thorns
And bought our pretty crowns
But never paid the price

Find me in the River
Find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you're gone
And I'm cracked and dry
Find me in the River
I'm waiting here

Find me in the River
Find me on my knees
I've walked against the water
Now I'm waiting if you please
We didn't count on suffering
We didn't count on pain
But if there are blessings in the valley
Then in the River I will wait

Find me in the River
Find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you're gone
And I'm cracked and dry
Find me in the River
I'm waiting here

Find me in the river
Find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you're gone
And I'm cracked and dry
Find me in the river
I'm waiting here for you

Come find me here...

Find me in the River...

Find me here for you...

Oh wash over me...

Find me here

My dear, dear husband

I love him with my whole heart, but sometimes I just wonder how he comes up with stuff.
Yesterday before our company came over I was talking to him and in mid sentence I totally forgot what I was saying. I stood there looking at him with a blank look on my face. I said, man! I hate it when I lose my thought. He laughed. I said Baby brain. He said, do you think that if you were pregnant with twins then you would be twice as bad?
I wonder if he is right?

Friday, February 10, 2006

Had to post this one

Sure that is my age. But I thought I was more fun!

You Are 26 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.


We are now into the single digit numbers for the amount of weeks reamining until our baby's due date. So exciting!!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

What a beautiful day

It's days like these that make me glad that I live in B.C.

You can check out more of her photo's here.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I was scared

I think it has been a little while! I have been wanting to post but at the same time finding myself incapable of looking up at the screen.
Like many other people in this world the last couple of days I have been suffering from a migrane. I haven't had it this bad since March of last year. Sent me to the hospital on Monday night. I have spent the last two days in bed and am still in bed today with little spurts out. If you know me, you know that this means business. I usually don't like to stay in bed that long, let a lone indoors that long. Have to get out a bit. I can't look at the screen long so I am looking down at the keyboard just so that I can blog. I am hoping that today I might be able to sit outside for a bit.
As the morning starts I feel pretty good. Then the more that I am up the worse it may get. Which is what happened this morning. So I went right back to bed.
The reason I was scared are many. I don't take headaches that feel this severe lightly. My family has a history of brain aneurysms. I had phoned the public health nurse to ask for some guidance on Monday evening. After hearing the symptoms and the fact that I am 30 plus weeks pregnant she told me that I need to go into the hospital. That scared me. Is baby ok?
So I went up to the hospital. Phil drove, obviously, and he literally had to hold my waist and guide me cause I couldn't look up due to the light sensitivity. I had to keep my eyes closed.
As we waited to get checked in I swear God sent me an angel. I looked up enough to open my eyes a little and saw a little girl standing there looking at me with wide eyes. Beautiful little blonde girl, probably about eight years old. She had in front of her a wheelchair. I looked past her to see mom standing there with a smile on her face. The little girl looked from me to the chair then back to me again. I asked, "is that for me?" and without a word she nodded her little head and pushed it towards me. I said, "thank you sweetheart." She just walked back to her mom as I sat down and Phil took the handles. I will never forget the innocence on that little face.
Then I finally got to check in. The next thing I knew we were sitting waiting when a nurse came up to me and handed me some forms and told me that they were sending me up to maternity. Sending me to the triage up there. I looked at Phil and started to cry. Crying and migranes DO NOT MIX!
I always thought that if the baby was to come early that I would be fine with it. I was born six weeks early, weighing just 3lbs 8oz. and I am now fine. So with the advancement of technology I figured that our little one would be fine. I just looked at Phil with tears in my eyes and said it was too soon. Not 10 weeks early. When we got to the maternity floor I was still upset. I whispered it is too early to the nurse. She said, "yes it is. But we are just going to monitor you and the baby. When headaches come on so fierce like this we like to make sure that baby and mom are ok." That eased me a bit.
So they hooked us up. Thankfully baby was fine. So was mommy. Blood pressure was good. Baby was active. All signs pointed to good. Except the head pain. With there not being much I am allowed to take being pregnant and having allergies they opted to give me a shot of Demeral. That helped. They also gave me something to sleep.
I can tell you that I was very scared for the baby. He was my main concern. The pain didn't matter. I went into what I thought of as "Mommy mode". My husband sitting beside me holding my hand, praying. He is such a great support to me and baby. I am so thankful for him.
The pain today is off and on. As a matter of fact this being one of many attempts to finish this blog I find that I am done. No longer able to look at the screen or hold my head up. I just want to go outside. Even if it is just for a little bit. Sigh...
Thank you God that the baby is fine. That I will be fine. Thank you also to all those who prayed for me. It meant more then you will ever know.

Friday, February 03, 2006


Hang on a minute here! I swear LB has had a huge growth spurt over night! It's weird cause now that the room in my belly seems to be getting less I am noticing little things like how much bigger I feel.
Sometimes he gets too close to my ribs so I put my hands on top of the belly and push down. Did that this morning. He didn't really go anywhere and I could feel him the full length of the belly.
Sigh...my baby is getting bigger. I have a slight feeling that it might be a big baby. 8lbs or so. Although it would be nice to have a 7lber. Only God knows.
I can't wait to meet him. 10 more weeks.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Just a thought...

this thought came to me last night in one of my many dreams. Thought I would share it. Simple. To the point.

We have God and that is all that matters.

Going to focus on that today for sure. Wonder what He is trying to tell me? I may have started to worry about something without realizing it and I think He was telling me this. Let Him take it. I have been and I tell you, it is freeing.