Monday, July 27, 2009

it just takes one thought

Why is it that it takes just ONE thought to spiral you? ONE negative thought to get you in to the direction that you are not good enough, you will never heal, you are fat, you are ugly and it just keeps going down, down, down.

thankfully this morning I was able to recognise the thought by the time it hit the second negative one. I pushed it down and told myself NO. I worked hard to build it back up and to get it working to the point where I wasn't beating myself up. It was hard.

It started with not wanting to go to group today. Then the thought of not ever being able to heal, then how I am not worthy enough to talk to anyone because I am a bother. So I guess that was three thoughts. It just kept trying to go down. I could physically feel my mood spiraling. Spiraling down into the darkness.

It just takes one thought to get you going down and knock you down but it takes many positive thoughts to keep you afloat. Your old thought patterns are easier to cling to. They are easy for the enemy to push his finger on and keep you where he wants you.

Yet the place where Jesus wants you is so much clearer. Pleasant and loving.

it just takes one. But it is worth the 20 positive thoughts to keep you grounded. Sometimes it is just SO hard.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Devotion this morning

“‘What do you mean, ‘If I can’?’ Jesus asked. ‘Anything is possible if a person believes’” (Mark 9:23 NLT).

God will build your faith by planting a dream within you. But that dream will require a decision of faith, and then God will stretch your faith as you face delays, difficulties, and dead ends.

It is then that God comes in and delivers. God does a miracle. God provides a solution. For instance:

• In Moses’ case, God parts the Red Sea.
• In Abraham’s case, he and Sarah miraculously conceive a child.
• In Joseph’s case, all of a sudden his dream comes true and he finds himself no longer imprisoned in a dungeon; instead, he is the second in command in Egypt.

And Jesus was resurrected! God can even turn a crucifixion into resurrection, and that means He has the power to transform your dead ends into deliverance. He builds your faith through delays, difficulties, and dead ends, so that when He delivers you—God gets all the credit!

When faced with a dead end, the best response is to expect God to act. What are you expecting God to do in your life? Jesus says, “According to your faith will it be done to you” (Matthew 9:29 NIV).

When you wait for deliverance, then God gets the credit. And you can look back to see how God led you through a path of faith, expanding and increasing your trust of Him with every step. Your faith is stronger and now you can say with confidence: “I am expecting the Lord to rescue me again, so that once again I will see His goodness to me” (Psalm 27:13 LB).

-From the Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotional

Thursday, July 16, 2009

1 Peter 1:6-7

Got this in a devotional today. hmm...

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


I am really not sure how to post this without offending someone. My intentions are NOT to offend ANYONE. I just need and want to write out what I have been struggling with. It is about loses and pregnancies so stop reading now if you don't want to go any further.

As you may/may not know I have had three miscarriages this past year. Each time one happens it takes a bit more of me with it. Total of three in 9 months was just too much. During that time I knew 9 people in my life who were pregnant.

As their pregnancies progressed I was excited yet wondered, why not me? When will it happen for me? WILL it happen for me again? Don't get me wrong I know that I am blessed. I have a beautiful little boy.

Yet as the time goes on I find myself getting jealous. All those pregnant ladies are now having babies. I LOVE babies. Most people do...but there is a part of me that gets a sharp pain when I feel my own arms aching. I am so blessed to be able to hold these babies and love on them. When I come home and all is quiet that is when the tears fall, when the pain gets me.

I know jealousy is not of God. Yet I find it catching me too. I try to pray it away. I try to push it down but sometimes I just need someone to talk to. I am thankful for people that will listen. People that understand my pain. Even I can't put it in to words some days but just being silent seems to help. Looking at my little boy helps.

I have been told I won't forget but the pain will get less. I have been debating on writing this because I don't want to offend/hurt any pregnant ladies or any of my friends. I am grateful for my friends that understand. That know when I can't talk anymore. I just don't have it in me. Yet they continue to love me and support me.

I guess this is just rambling but I did need to get it out. Don't be surprised if it comes down....