When a fellow Christian stumbles
And he needs some help to stand;
Don’t ignore his circumstances—
Offer him your outstretched hand. —Sper
No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another. —Charles Dickens
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Devotional
I received this yesterday morning. The morning after I had decided I want to just shut off from everyone and everything. Then I did notice that yesterday it just seemed so impossible. People talking, emailing, things to do. Funny how God comes through...
Prime Time with God Devotional
Today's Prayer
God, I come to You seeking Your face, searching for answers so I can do something about the problems. There is so much turmoil in the world. There have been so many disasters, many beyond man's control. I pray that You will broaden the minds the people affected by each incident and open their eyes to see what You want them to learn. And I pray that they will respond in the right way. I know that You sometimes allow pressures in my life to bring attention to an issue You want me to take care of too. I pray today, that You as my Loving Father will make known anything that stands in the way of fellowship between You and I. I want to turn from any wrongdoing, and "step up to the plate" to do the right thing, no matter how great or how simple it may seem. I praise You for Who You are, for all You do, and for the fellowship we share through prayer. In Jesus' name, amen.
Come Out of the Stronghold
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
11-18-2009
"...Do not stay in the stronghold. Go into the land of Judah ..." (1 Samuel 22:5).
David and his fighting men had been hiding in the cave of Adullam. He was fleeing Saul. Many of life's down-and-out had come and joined David's army. David was content to stay in the stronghold of safety. Then, God's prophet came to David and told him that he must leave the stronghold and go into the land of Judah. Judah means "praise."
When life beats down on us and we get to the place where we want to hide in a cave, God often places people around us who prod us into moving in the right direction. He does not want us to remain in the place of discouragement. He wants us to move into the land of praise.
I recall when I went through a very difficult time. It seemed to drag on and on with no change until finally I wanted to retreat to a cave and forget pressing on. It was a great time of discouragement. A godly man came to me and said, "You must keep moving! There are too many who are depending on you in the Kingdom."
I didn't totally understand what he meant at the time. Now I know he was saying that God is preparing each of us to be the vessel He wants to use in the life of another person, but we will never be that vessel if we give up and hide in our cave of discouragement. Not only must we keep moving, we must move into a new realm. Our attitude must move from discouragement to praise.
"He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners - to comfort all who mourn. ... a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor" (Isa 61:1-3).
It is only when we move past discouragement to praise that we begin living above our problems. Make a decision today to go into the land of Judah.
Prime Time with God Devotional
Today's Prayer
God, I come to You seeking Your face, searching for answers so I can do something about the problems. There is so much turmoil in the world. There have been so many disasters, many beyond man's control. I pray that You will broaden the minds the people affected by each incident and open their eyes to see what You want them to learn. And I pray that they will respond in the right way. I know that You sometimes allow pressures in my life to bring attention to an issue You want me to take care of too. I pray today, that You as my Loving Father will make known anything that stands in the way of fellowship between You and I. I want to turn from any wrongdoing, and "step up to the plate" to do the right thing, no matter how great or how simple it may seem. I praise You for Who You are, for all You do, and for the fellowship we share through prayer. In Jesus' name, amen.
Come Out of the Stronghold
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
11-18-2009
"...Do not stay in the stronghold. Go into the land of Judah ..." (1 Samuel 22:5).
David and his fighting men had been hiding in the cave of Adullam. He was fleeing Saul. Many of life's down-and-out had come and joined David's army. David was content to stay in the stronghold of safety. Then, God's prophet came to David and told him that he must leave the stronghold and go into the land of Judah. Judah means "praise."
When life beats down on us and we get to the place where we want to hide in a cave, God often places people around us who prod us into moving in the right direction. He does not want us to remain in the place of discouragement. He wants us to move into the land of praise.
I recall when I went through a very difficult time. It seemed to drag on and on with no change until finally I wanted to retreat to a cave and forget pressing on. It was a great time of discouragement. A godly man came to me and said, "You must keep moving! There are too many who are depending on you in the Kingdom."
I didn't totally understand what he meant at the time. Now I know he was saying that God is preparing each of us to be the vessel He wants to use in the life of another person, but we will never be that vessel if we give up and hide in our cave of discouragement. Not only must we keep moving, we must move into a new realm. Our attitude must move from discouragement to praise.
"He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners - to comfort all who mourn. ... a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor" (Isa 61:1-3).
It is only when we move past discouragement to praise that we begin living above our problems. Make a decision today to go into the land of Judah.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Seven Steps to Freedom
*another view point from the book, "Answers and Hope for the Struggling Christian." by Henry Warkentin
So upon reading some more I came across a chapter called, "Seven Steps to Freedom" p.86. Naturally I went in to the chapter as just a read. But then I went back and re-read it deciding I would actually take the time to at least do this for ONE area. I wanted to write it out here.
Henry suggests that the steps to freedom "can show us how to take back the ground we have conceded to Satan. It is not enough to KNOW about our sin, we also need to deal with it." p.86 (emphasis mine)
The steps are as follows:
1. Identify the Lie - "the lie will come through thoughts and feelings." p.87
2. Confess believing the Lie as Sin - "Believing a lie is a sin against God." p.87
3. Ask forgiveness for believing the Lie - "believing the lie must be confessed, and asking for forgiveness is mandatory." p.88
4. Thank God for the Forgiveness - "By thanking Him we are accepting that the sin is gone." p.88
5. Take Authority - "We have to choose to believe that this authority is now ours, just as Jesus said." p.89
6. Confess the Truth in that Area - "ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free (John 8:32)" p.90
7. Ask God to Fill the Released Area with the Holy Spirit - "We don't want that area left with an empty void, so we must ask God to fill the released area with the Holy Spirit." p.91
WHEW!!! Sounds like a LOT of work but here goes nothing.......
1. I am not worthy
2. Lord, I have been believing this lie and thus am sinning.
3. Father please forgive me that I believe this lie. That I feel in my heart that I am not worthy and never will be. Please forgive me that this in turn makes me hesitant to trust. ""I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)
4. Thank you Father that You are so forgiving. That you still love me and forgive me with open arms.
5. Satan, PISS OFF. I AM worthy and you are not to bother me or lead me to believe in this lie of not being worthy anymore.
6. The truth is that I am worthy because of You Jesus. Because of Your blood. Thank you.
7. Please Father God, help to fill this area where the lie, the sin, the unbelief sat for so long. Please help me to fill it with Your truth, Your trust and Your love. Because I am worthy through you. YOU believe I am worthy.
ok did it. Now that is just something I will have to make sure I try my hardest to keep remembering over and over.
I have never felt worthy but the truth is that I am in fact worthy because of Jesus. Lately my son has come up with a VERY interesting question. "Mommy, who bought me." At first I told that little three and a half year old boy that no one bought him. That he is ours.
Then it got me thinking and I think I was more prepared for the question when it came later that night.
"Mommy, who bought me."
"Well Cooper, Jesus bought you."
"How Mommy?"
"Remember your book tells you that the blood of Jesus was shed on the cross?"
"yes"
"well that blood was the price that Jesus paid for us. Because He loves you and cares for you."
"oh."
yeah it would have been nice if the questions stopped there. But the next day he asked the same thing again and I gave the same answer. Then he threw me for a loop.
"Mommy who bought you?"
pause, silence, small sigh.....
"Jesus did."
"Why?"
"Because Jesus loves me just like He loves you. He bought us so that we can spend eternity with Him in Heaven."
"Why?"
"Because God believes in us and believes that we are worthy."
"ok"
ummmm..........there it was right there. I was telling my own son that WE were worthy. Not just Cooper was worthy but I was worthy too. We were made worthy through Jesus and I guess writing that on my bathroom mirror and seeing it every day is starting to sink home.
I can tell you it felt good to admit that out loud to my son.
I had someone this past month who had hurt me deeply in my past apologize. They told me they are ready to make a change. WOW! Then I am starting to realize as well that through Jesus I am worthy. I didn't DO anything to BE worthy but that is the point. He loves me just the same.
So Lord, in closing......forgive me. Help me break the lie. Help me be an example. Help me to trust you and know that I am indeed worthy.
So upon reading some more I came across a chapter called, "Seven Steps to Freedom" p.86. Naturally I went in to the chapter as just a read. But then I went back and re-read it deciding I would actually take the time to at least do this for ONE area. I wanted to write it out here.
Henry suggests that the steps to freedom "can show us how to take back the ground we have conceded to Satan. It is not enough to KNOW about our sin, we also need to deal with it." p.86 (emphasis mine)
The steps are as follows:
1. Identify the Lie - "the lie will come through thoughts and feelings." p.87
2. Confess believing the Lie as Sin - "Believing a lie is a sin against God." p.87
3. Ask forgiveness for believing the Lie - "believing the lie must be confessed, and asking for forgiveness is mandatory." p.88
4. Thank God for the Forgiveness - "By thanking Him we are accepting that the sin is gone." p.88
5. Take Authority - "We have to choose to believe that this authority is now ours, just as Jesus said." p.89
6. Confess the Truth in that Area - "ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free (John 8:32)" p.90
7. Ask God to Fill the Released Area with the Holy Spirit - "We don't want that area left with an empty void, so we must ask God to fill the released area with the Holy Spirit." p.91
WHEW!!! Sounds like a LOT of work but here goes nothing.......
1. I am not worthy
2. Lord, I have been believing this lie and thus am sinning.
3. Father please forgive me that I believe this lie. That I feel in my heart that I am not worthy and never will be. Please forgive me that this in turn makes me hesitant to trust. ""I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)
4. Thank you Father that You are so forgiving. That you still love me and forgive me with open arms.
5. Satan, PISS OFF. I AM worthy and you are not to bother me or lead me to believe in this lie of not being worthy anymore.
6. The truth is that I am worthy because of You Jesus. Because of Your blood. Thank you.
7. Please Father God, help to fill this area where the lie, the sin, the unbelief sat for so long. Please help me to fill it with Your truth, Your trust and Your love. Because I am worthy through you. YOU believe I am worthy.
ok did it. Now that is just something I will have to make sure I try my hardest to keep remembering over and over.
I have never felt worthy but the truth is that I am in fact worthy because of Jesus. Lately my son has come up with a VERY interesting question. "Mommy, who bought me." At first I told that little three and a half year old boy that no one bought him. That he is ours.
Then it got me thinking and I think I was more prepared for the question when it came later that night.
"Mommy, who bought me."
"Well Cooper, Jesus bought you."
"How Mommy?"
"Remember your book tells you that the blood of Jesus was shed on the cross?"
"yes"
"well that blood was the price that Jesus paid for us. Because He loves you and cares for you."
"oh."
yeah it would have been nice if the questions stopped there. But the next day he asked the same thing again and I gave the same answer. Then he threw me for a loop.
"Mommy who bought you?"
pause, silence, small sigh.....
"Jesus did."
"Why?"
"Because Jesus loves me just like He loves you. He bought us so that we can spend eternity with Him in Heaven."
"Why?"
"Because God believes in us and believes that we are worthy."
"ok"
ummmm..........there it was right there. I was telling my own son that WE were worthy. Not just Cooper was worthy but I was worthy too. We were made worthy through Jesus and I guess writing that on my bathroom mirror and seeing it every day is starting to sink home.
I can tell you it felt good to admit that out loud to my son.
I had someone this past month who had hurt me deeply in my past apologize. They told me they are ready to make a change. WOW! Then I am starting to realize as well that through Jesus I am worthy. I didn't DO anything to BE worthy but that is the point. He loves me just the same.
So Lord, in closing......forgive me. Help me break the lie. Help me be an example. Help me to trust you and know that I am indeed worthy.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
just some things.....
that have been irking me this morning and I figure I better get it off my chest rather then let it get me down. We know how the enemy likes to work. "Oh! She is feeling down about this? Let's just keep it that way and make it a little worse".
ok...bear with me...
I have been put on blood thinners because my doctor had found out I have a case of hyperhomocystine. (Yeah you would have to look up homocystine yourself. lol) However, to give you a basic bit of info basically I clot too much. So now am on a low dose of ASA each day. Now even though it is a low dose I am noticing some little differences. My bruises have been big and nasty. Guess more blood can come to the surface now. Also when I cut myself I bleed. I bleed too much. For example shaving this morning I hit a little tiny pimple. I have been nursing the bleed for 20 minutes. It just keeps coming and as of yet it hasn't stopped! Damn pimples!
Now on to pimples...I am breaking out like a freaking teen aged girl. DUDE! I am 30. I thought by 30 this stuff would STOP. Yeah, I lived in a dream world!
My hair needs to be dyed and we can't afford it right now. Yeah, buy a box people will say but I really would rather leave it to the professionals to do it. I have about three inches of roots! You know it is bad when you try to think of things to do with your hair to hide the roots and the whites. Today it is in a french braid. The problem is when I do that or even a pony tail the braided part and the pony tail itself are different colors then the base of my head. Oh and with the braid you can see the white streaks of hair.
grr...damn pimple STILL bleeding.
I have been on the fence about halloween. Do we take Cooper trick or treating or not?
I have been having dreams about having a second child but my body is evidence that it won't let me! Oh well, only God knows what will happen there.
I need a pair of jeans.
We need to go get some groceries.
I am thankful for my new camera accessory though and am thinking of some things I want to do today. I want to make a backdrop stand in my house. It will involve a curtain rod. lol. I want to organize the storage locker outside.
I just have many things swimming in my head. As I sit here and look out the window though a smile creeps across my face. It is a beautiful sunrise this morning. Mind you it is red and that means we are in for some wicked weather but it made me smile that God reminds me He is listening. I wonder if HE is tired of my complaining yet?
Dang thing still bleeding...
ok...bear with me...
I have been put on blood thinners because my doctor had found out I have a case of hyperhomocystine. (Yeah you would have to look up homocystine yourself. lol) However, to give you a basic bit of info basically I clot too much. So now am on a low dose of ASA each day. Now even though it is a low dose I am noticing some little differences. My bruises have been big and nasty. Guess more blood can come to the surface now. Also when I cut myself I bleed. I bleed too much. For example shaving this morning I hit a little tiny pimple. I have been nursing the bleed for 20 minutes. It just keeps coming and as of yet it hasn't stopped! Damn pimples!
Now on to pimples...I am breaking out like a freaking teen aged girl. DUDE! I am 30. I thought by 30 this stuff would STOP. Yeah, I lived in a dream world!
My hair needs to be dyed and we can't afford it right now. Yeah, buy a box people will say but I really would rather leave it to the professionals to do it. I have about three inches of roots! You know it is bad when you try to think of things to do with your hair to hide the roots and the whites. Today it is in a french braid. The problem is when I do that or even a pony tail the braided part and the pony tail itself are different colors then the base of my head. Oh and with the braid you can see the white streaks of hair.
grr...damn pimple STILL bleeding.
I have been on the fence about halloween. Do we take Cooper trick or treating or not?
I have been having dreams about having a second child but my body is evidence that it won't let me! Oh well, only God knows what will happen there.
I need a pair of jeans.
We need to go get some groceries.
I am thankful for my new camera accessory though and am thinking of some things I want to do today. I want to make a backdrop stand in my house. It will involve a curtain rod. lol. I want to organize the storage locker outside.
I just have many things swimming in my head. As I sit here and look out the window though a smile creeps across my face. It is a beautiful sunrise this morning. Mind you it is red and that means we are in for some wicked weather but it made me smile that God reminds me He is listening. I wonder if HE is tired of my complaining yet?
Dang thing still bleeding...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Answers and Hope for the Struggling Christian
by Henry Warkentin
A friend of mine gave me a copy of this book. I am really not too far in to it as it is not a book you can read cover to cover. You have to take it one section at a time. So far I have noticed that it has been opening my eyes to some of the tactics the Devil uses. He is one slippery bugger.
On page 68 it starts to go in to "The Emotions".
"Not only does the devil impose thoughts directly into our intellect, but he often imposes feelings on our emotions as well."
I found that pretty darn interesting. I was thinking that it was me that was a screw up and a mess up. That it was my thoughts that were harming me when all along it is the enemy knowing which buttons to push and knowing how to get in to my thoughts.
"Most often, the Enemy imposes both thoughts and feelings.
Imposed feelings are very convincing because the feelings happen right inside the emotional part of our being. Coupled with the fact that the world tells us to trust our feelings, we are easily fooled." p. 69
Maybe this is why I have been told over and over that feelings are fickle. That I can't fully rely on them. I FEEL stupid. Am I? My school grades never showed it. I FEEL like a failure. Am I? Not so sure, I do have a happy, healthy son and am doing what I have always wanted to do. I feel like God is going to abandon me? Will He? Umm..I am being told no. Then that is evident to me in the fact that no matter where I struggle or what stage I am at He always has a way of showing Himself. Coming through someone or another. I FEEL like I am not good enough. Am I? No. God says I am because of His Mercy.
"...when we believe the devil's lies, no matter how logical they seem, it gives the Enemy power in our lives. It is important to see that in order to believe the devil's lies, we have to reject God's truth." p.71
See the thing for me is that I believe I am not worthy of God. That I am ugly. I am stupid. I am a failure. But God's truth and word tells me other wise. He tells me that I am "Fearfully and wonderfully made." That I am made "in His image" and that God does not make mistakes.
So every lie I believe sounds like the truth to me. It sounds so real and accurate so I choose to believe it. I feel like it is true therefore it must be. However, because Satan is able to get deep in to our intellect and feelings I in turn believe what he is saying and start rejecting the Truth. "The Truth will set you free." From all the enemy's lies and schemes I can be set free if I just choose to remember the truth. Because he can slip right in there though the lies FEEL like truth. Like I can't win. Then I can't feel God. I feel lost to Him. I feel alone. Then there it is again, feelings coming from lies.
Where am I going with this? Not fully sure but I do know I have wanted to share the quotes for quite a while. It gives me a bit of a sense of relief knowing that maybe I am not miss-wired. That I am not a complete screw up and that in fact something greater then my own thoughts is at work here. It is the enemy that has to be driven out of my mind. That is why we have to tell him OUT LOUD to bugger off. To get our of our lives. It was a relief to me to read what I did and realize that I am not alone and am not COMPLETELY insane. A relief that although I FEEL like God is not here it is a lie. That lie is far from the truth.
The truth. God is good. God is mercy. I am not worthy but GOD feels I am. Not being worthy enough but it being the point because I was saved by His Grace. God is real. God is here. I AM NOT ALONE. Just some things I have been trying to process. I am sure more things will come up eventually but this is it for now.
Just amazed me that the enemy can get so deep in to your mind. BUT he can't steal my spirit. No matter how much he masks it God is still there. No matter how dim the light feels it is still lit.
Yes I struggle. Who of us doesn't. If you say you don't I would have to ask you if you are lying to yourself. Or if it is the enemy lying TO you. The struggles make us stronger. This is a good book so far and it really is helping to give me insight in to how the enemy can be so tricky. I recommend it so far and I believe it is in fact giving me the Hope and the Answers I need.
A friend of mine gave me a copy of this book. I am really not too far in to it as it is not a book you can read cover to cover. You have to take it one section at a time. So far I have noticed that it has been opening my eyes to some of the tactics the Devil uses. He is one slippery bugger.
On page 68 it starts to go in to "The Emotions".
"Not only does the devil impose thoughts directly into our intellect, but he often imposes feelings on our emotions as well."
I found that pretty darn interesting. I was thinking that it was me that was a screw up and a mess up. That it was my thoughts that were harming me when all along it is the enemy knowing which buttons to push and knowing how to get in to my thoughts.
"Most often, the Enemy imposes both thoughts and feelings.
Imposed feelings are very convincing because the feelings happen right inside the emotional part of our being. Coupled with the fact that the world tells us to trust our feelings, we are easily fooled." p. 69
Maybe this is why I have been told over and over that feelings are fickle. That I can't fully rely on them. I FEEL stupid. Am I? My school grades never showed it. I FEEL like a failure. Am I? Not so sure, I do have a happy, healthy son and am doing what I have always wanted to do. I feel like God is going to abandon me? Will He? Umm..I am being told no. Then that is evident to me in the fact that no matter where I struggle or what stage I am at He always has a way of showing Himself. Coming through someone or another. I FEEL like I am not good enough. Am I? No. God says I am because of His Mercy.
"...when we believe the devil's lies, no matter how logical they seem, it gives the Enemy power in our lives. It is important to see that in order to believe the devil's lies, we have to reject God's truth." p.71
See the thing for me is that I believe I am not worthy of God. That I am ugly. I am stupid. I am a failure. But God's truth and word tells me other wise. He tells me that I am "Fearfully and wonderfully made." That I am made "in His image" and that God does not make mistakes.
So every lie I believe sounds like the truth to me. It sounds so real and accurate so I choose to believe it. I feel like it is true therefore it must be. However, because Satan is able to get deep in to our intellect and feelings I in turn believe what he is saying and start rejecting the Truth. "The Truth will set you free." From all the enemy's lies and schemes I can be set free if I just choose to remember the truth. Because he can slip right in there though the lies FEEL like truth. Like I can't win. Then I can't feel God. I feel lost to Him. I feel alone. Then there it is again, feelings coming from lies.
Where am I going with this? Not fully sure but I do know I have wanted to share the quotes for quite a while. It gives me a bit of a sense of relief knowing that maybe I am not miss-wired. That I am not a complete screw up and that in fact something greater then my own thoughts is at work here. It is the enemy that has to be driven out of my mind. That is why we have to tell him OUT LOUD to bugger off. To get our of our lives. It was a relief to me to read what I did and realize that I am not alone and am not COMPLETELY insane. A relief that although I FEEL like God is not here it is a lie. That lie is far from the truth.
The truth. God is good. God is mercy. I am not worthy but GOD feels I am. Not being worthy enough but it being the point because I was saved by His Grace. God is real. God is here. I AM NOT ALONE. Just some things I have been trying to process. I am sure more things will come up eventually but this is it for now.
Just amazed me that the enemy can get so deep in to your mind. BUT he can't steal my spirit. No matter how much he masks it God is still there. No matter how dim the light feels it is still lit.
Yes I struggle. Who of us doesn't. If you say you don't I would have to ask you if you are lying to yourself. Or if it is the enemy lying TO you. The struggles make us stronger. This is a good book so far and it really is helping to give me insight in to how the enemy can be so tricky. I recommend it so far and I believe it is in fact giving me the Hope and the Answers I need.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Thankfulness
Today is another Thanksgiving day for us here in Canada. I love thanksgiving and it's traditions and TURKEY. But I also love being able to stop and be thankful for things God has given.
So today I find myself wanting to share it with all.....
in NO particular order:
~God. Thankful that He hasn't given up on me, that He won't give up on me. That He understands me and my heart but continues to be patient. No matter how big He feels to me knowing that He is the Daddy that will always be able to stoop and hold me in His arms provides me some comfort.
~Phil. What can I say? This man is a wonderful gift from God. He works hard to provide for us and loves me in all my "moments". Even though some weeks are tough because he is working so much I am thankful for him and that he has a steady job in these times. That he works hard so I can stay home and raise our children.
~Cooper. This little boy is the light of my life. Going through three miscarriages in 10 months was a shitty deal. I know people go through worse but during those times and even now it reminds me what a wonderful gift my little boy is. What a blessing he is. He is so smart and I love the moments where he runs up and says, "MOMMY!" Then I say, yes Cooper. Then he looks at me with those beautiful eyes and says, "I LOVE YOU!" then takes off again.
~My miscarriages. You know, believe it or not I am thankful for having pulled through those times. It has given me a sense of understanding for others. It has opened my eyes to how fortunate I am to have one child. Although the hurt is still there I find that if I didn't go through that I wouldn't be as thankful as I am today.
~My hospital stay. I had a break down and was admitted for 5 weeks. It was a hell of a time. I started out numb and angry. Hurt and alone. Such a dark lonely time. A friend said that although I can't see it right now there will come a day I will look back on it and be thankful. I am thinking that day is here. I needed that time to grow closer to God. To understand why things were happening. Although it was a dark time I can sit here now and be thankful for it. For the love I was shown. For the shoulders I cried on. For the help I received. If it didn't happen I wouldn't have gotten the help I needed.
~My doctors. All of them, including counsellor. They are on my side. They fight for me. They understand what I believe and why I believe it. They acknowledge my belief about life at conception, they don't knock my feelings or say I am crazy, even though I try to convince them to say it because I feel it is true. I feel like they fight for me and it makes me feel like they are on my side. I have a good "team".
~All my family. not much more to say there but that I am thankful so much for them and their help.
~Friends. During my rough goes and tough times I had many friends pull through and care about me and for me. I cried on shoulders. I was held tight. I was told I was missed. I was assured that I would be ok even though I couldn't see it.
~A roof over my head.
~Clothes on my back.
~Food in my stomach and in the fridge.
~Giving back to God.
~Growing up and trying to figure out my finances properly.
~Hot water.
~Cold milk.
~Wonderful neighbours.
~A running car.
~Electricity.
~Power of Prayer. This is a big one for me and has been proving evident the last little while. Although I may not understand it and God just seems so big I am still able to pray and He listens. The power in numbers. The power that prayer has over darkness. The power it has to change lives.
~Freedom.
I think that is about it for now. I just have so much going in my mind. I am sure I missed people or things but I am thankful for everything in my life. Big or small.
So as I wrap this up and get ready to start the day of cleaning and decorating for thanksgiving dinner I know I feel thankful. I love this place and love entertaining. I leave you all with a bit of Autumn pics. Some dessert to follow this meal....
So today I find myself wanting to share it with all.....
in NO particular order:
~God. Thankful that He hasn't given up on me, that He won't give up on me. That He understands me and my heart but continues to be patient. No matter how big He feels to me knowing that He is the Daddy that will always be able to stoop and hold me in His arms provides me some comfort.
~Phil. What can I say? This man is a wonderful gift from God. He works hard to provide for us and loves me in all my "moments". Even though some weeks are tough because he is working so much I am thankful for him and that he has a steady job in these times. That he works hard so I can stay home and raise our children.
~Cooper. This little boy is the light of my life. Going through three miscarriages in 10 months was a shitty deal. I know people go through worse but during those times and even now it reminds me what a wonderful gift my little boy is. What a blessing he is. He is so smart and I love the moments where he runs up and says, "MOMMY!" Then I say, yes Cooper. Then he looks at me with those beautiful eyes and says, "I LOVE YOU!" then takes off again.
~My miscarriages. You know, believe it or not I am thankful for having pulled through those times. It has given me a sense of understanding for others. It has opened my eyes to how fortunate I am to have one child. Although the hurt is still there I find that if I didn't go through that I wouldn't be as thankful as I am today.
~My hospital stay. I had a break down and was admitted for 5 weeks. It was a hell of a time. I started out numb and angry. Hurt and alone. Such a dark lonely time. A friend said that although I can't see it right now there will come a day I will look back on it and be thankful. I am thinking that day is here. I needed that time to grow closer to God. To understand why things were happening. Although it was a dark time I can sit here now and be thankful for it. For the love I was shown. For the shoulders I cried on. For the help I received. If it didn't happen I wouldn't have gotten the help I needed.
~My doctors. All of them, including counsellor. They are on my side. They fight for me. They understand what I believe and why I believe it. They acknowledge my belief about life at conception, they don't knock my feelings or say I am crazy, even though I try to convince them to say it because I feel it is true. I feel like they fight for me and it makes me feel like they are on my side. I have a good "team".
~All my family. not much more to say there but that I am thankful so much for them and their help.
~Friends. During my rough goes and tough times I had many friends pull through and care about me and for me. I cried on shoulders. I was held tight. I was told I was missed. I was assured that I would be ok even though I couldn't see it.
~A roof over my head.
~Clothes on my back.
~Food in my stomach and in the fridge.
~Giving back to God.
~Growing up and trying to figure out my finances properly.
~Hot water.
~Cold milk.
~Wonderful neighbours.
~A running car.
~Electricity.
~Power of Prayer. This is a big one for me and has been proving evident the last little while. Although I may not understand it and God just seems so big I am still able to pray and He listens. The power in numbers. The power that prayer has over darkness. The power it has to change lives.
~Freedom.
I think that is about it for now. I just have so much going in my mind. I am sure I missed people or things but I am thankful for everything in my life. Big or small.
So as I wrap this up and get ready to start the day of cleaning and decorating for thanksgiving dinner I know I feel thankful. I love this place and love entertaining. I leave you all with a bit of Autumn pics. Some dessert to follow this meal....
Friday, September 18, 2009
Being walked along with
Tonight I went to a ladies night with my church. The speaker was talking a lot about faith and trust. That God is walking with us. That He won't leave us and will guide us when we need it most.
Lately I have felt stretched thin a bit. I am grateful for my life but sometimes I just need a break. It is during those times that the darkness sneaks in and seeps in to my heart.
Tonight there was a lot of tears on my end. Tears I have worked very hard at keeping far away. Keeping the mask worn and the tears hidden. I just don't have the time to cry. The time to acknowledge my hurt and fears. I have many fears right now that I am not ready to publicly post and admit. Not just yet.
Tonight I heard loud and clear, "you have a hard heart and you will keep it that way." Something to that effect. I hesitantly asked someone if I could ask them a stupid question. They told me I could ask a question. I asked if that was from God. Or the Enemy or myself. They asked if I thought it was from God and I shrugged my shoulders because I was unsure. Honestly I was unsure. I know rationally that it wouldn't have been from God. But my irrational, louder mind tells me that I am not worthy. I try to believe that God is there and that He won't leave me but it is like the more I believe it the more of a battle it becomes.
My nights have been filled with dreams non-stop. Some disturbing dreams. Some with members from church trying to be supportive and praying over a lot of women. Some dark and full of fear. You know the ones. The ones where they shake you so deeply to the core that you can't forget them. That you see it when your eyes close. That the memory of the dream slips in when least expected. I don't like those dreams and I hope that I do indeed have a restful night tonight.
I know my life is blessed and I am so thankful for that. But do you ever get to the point, as a believer, that you just don't want to battle anymore? I am tired of fighting. Afraid of slipping and falling and having no one to catch me when I fall. Thankfully I know in my heart that God is really truly the only Father I can count on. He won't die on me. He won't leave me alone. He won't cause abuse or anything of the like. I struggle with needing to remember that. I need to try to remember it daily.
It is like the footprints poem. When there was only one set of footprints it was then that God carried me. I so hope that He is carrying me now. Because I feel so weak and like I really can't go on. Like I can't take another step. But I guess I keep trying in faith. Somewhere in my soul I believe. I beg that He forgives my unbelief. We all have good days and bad days. These are bad days as of late but thankfully God is good. I know it in my heart of hearts.
I am thankful for those that listened to me tonight. For the ladies God sent in to my court. Man the battle is so hard. Please God...don't give up yet...not just yet.
Lately I have felt stretched thin a bit. I am grateful for my life but sometimes I just need a break. It is during those times that the darkness sneaks in and seeps in to my heart.
Tonight there was a lot of tears on my end. Tears I have worked very hard at keeping far away. Keeping the mask worn and the tears hidden. I just don't have the time to cry. The time to acknowledge my hurt and fears. I have many fears right now that I am not ready to publicly post and admit. Not just yet.
Tonight I heard loud and clear, "you have a hard heart and you will keep it that way." Something to that effect. I hesitantly asked someone if I could ask them a stupid question. They told me I could ask a question. I asked if that was from God. Or the Enemy or myself. They asked if I thought it was from God and I shrugged my shoulders because I was unsure. Honestly I was unsure. I know rationally that it wouldn't have been from God. But my irrational, louder mind tells me that I am not worthy. I try to believe that God is there and that He won't leave me but it is like the more I believe it the more of a battle it becomes.
My nights have been filled with dreams non-stop. Some disturbing dreams. Some with members from church trying to be supportive and praying over a lot of women. Some dark and full of fear. You know the ones. The ones where they shake you so deeply to the core that you can't forget them. That you see it when your eyes close. That the memory of the dream slips in when least expected. I don't like those dreams and I hope that I do indeed have a restful night tonight.
I know my life is blessed and I am so thankful for that. But do you ever get to the point, as a believer, that you just don't want to battle anymore? I am tired of fighting. Afraid of slipping and falling and having no one to catch me when I fall. Thankfully I know in my heart that God is really truly the only Father I can count on. He won't die on me. He won't leave me alone. He won't cause abuse or anything of the like. I struggle with needing to remember that. I need to try to remember it daily.
It is like the footprints poem. When there was only one set of footprints it was then that God carried me. I so hope that He is carrying me now. Because I feel so weak and like I really can't go on. Like I can't take another step. But I guess I keep trying in faith. Somewhere in my soul I believe. I beg that He forgives my unbelief. We all have good days and bad days. These are bad days as of late but thankfully God is good. I know it in my heart of hearts.
I am thankful for those that listened to me tonight. For the ladies God sent in to my court. Man the battle is so hard. Please God...don't give up yet...not just yet.
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