Monday, November 08, 2004

God's Pawn?

I have heard good things about this whole blogging experience yet I am still unsure. I always figured that no one needs to read about my problems because they are so petty compared to what others are going through. However, I need someone to talk to so here I am. I know, I know, I have my husband and my best freind who are always there to listen and provide advice, but they have to right? It's in the contract? Well, here goes........
You ever notice that when you are happy and everything is going well you don't have the time to sit and think aboout yourself? You don't want to waste those good feeling moments? Yet here I am. So you guessed it! Everything is going GREAT and I have nothing wrong in my little world. (can you say SARCASM???)
I've been noticing that I am having a really hard time at work lately. I know I shouldn't let myself get stressed out and have it rule my life, but even though I know better, it does. I just feel like I can't take the stress and I am going crazy. I don't like what this stress is doing to me and the thoughts that flutter around in my head. Albeit they are small useless thoughts but they are still there to scare you and make you think. I really need to get out of my job yet I can pray and pray but still know that tomorrow I will be waking up going to the same job that makes me feel so useless. I know that tomorrow could be the day I get a phone call for an interview but I still don't believe it. Ever feel like you are just one of God's pawns in a little game that He is enjoying playing with you? I do. I know I shouldn't because He doesn't give us anything we can't handle right? Yet I can't handle it anymore! God wants me there for a reason still right? I just wish I really knew what that reason was. Enough is Enough. No more games. I know - patience right? It is so hard when it keeps running so thin. Now I think I need to just sit here and wait and pray that the next move isn't a check mate that will trap me for so much longer.
Well, thanks for listening and I hope I make some sense. Sorry for boring anyone and making myself sound so hard-done-by. But you know what? I think I do feel a little better!!


Michelle said...

Quit putting yourself down, you are not stupid or boring. If you don't beleive me ask God. Hang in there.

James Goudie said...

Your problems are not unlike my own. I am searching for what my purpose is too. try not to load all of it on your own shoulders. let god take the load, he can handle it.