Tuesday, November 16, 2004


Lately it seems that I have had a new outlook on things. I DO NOT CARE!! No one else really cares so why should I? I give my all yet no one notices and it isn't appreciated. It used to really bug me and I let it. Yet when I start thinking that no one acknowledges me and what I do I am reminded of Matthew 6:5-8. Also I am reminded that doing good deeds without the recongnition(sp?) from fellow men is better than getting a pat on the back. For when "your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matthew 6:4). I know I am quoting phrases and verses but when I read these specific ones they really stuck in my head. I don't know the bible - far from it - but I am learning. So technically I should be thinking of these thoughts when I start getting down and letting things control my life and the way that they make me feel. I am not trying to preach here because I am not the right person to be doing so at all. Just what is on my mind. So I guess what I am trying to figure out is how in the world do I remember these these thoughts when it really seems to matter. When I have the time to sit down and think I remember simple things like this, but at the specific time that I need to remember them it skips my thought. This may make me seem like a hypocrite but I don't believe I am. I am slowly starting to learn not to care what others think of me and wether or not the things that I am doing will be acknowledged by someone. The only judgment that matters is our Father's right?? I have a family and friends that love me no matter how "fat" I feel or how lost I am. I have a roof over my head and God in my heart. So to everything else: I DO NOT CARE. I don't want to be the kind of person who becomes a robot and conforms to what society wants me to be like and act like but it is so hard not to get trapped in those ugly long talons. With each day it feels like I am becoming a shell of my past self. No spark is left in my eyes and my ambition is gone. Okay now I care. How is it possible to let myself be sucked dry and empty? God help me to be strong and not to become who I am not.


James Goudie said...

you are freaking me out. I've felt the same exact way before. I don't care what people think of me either, it is very tough, but why should we beat ourselves down over petty things.

rose said...

cool, another nh blogger. 8)

i'm slowly learning to ignore what others think. not always easy with outside pressure, but Jesus never said being a christian would be easy.