Friday, May 23, 2008

A friend passed away tonight.

Marg Duncan. Please pray for her family.
I go to post on my blog here and I see my title "A joyous life" but I can tell you it doesn't feel too joyous right now. At 5 o'clock tonight my friend passed away from her cancer. DAMN CANCER. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, cancer. I am feeling angry. I am telling myself I wasn't a good enough friend. I should have kept in contact more. I should have known she was in the hospital.
I was laying in bed trying to find the words to pray. I can't find them. They are gone. I know in my heart that she is no longer in pain but it still hurts.
This is hitting really close to home for me. I lost a friend 10 years ago to cancer. So now thinking about Marg has got me thinking about Duke. Reliving that terrible moment. Reliving everything. I know this is going to be hard for some to read and it is even harder for me to type but I have to get this out.
It's not fair. Why is there cancer? Why?? STUPID CANCER!
My heart is aching. I am going to try to put on a smile and just push this all aside. I don't want to relive moments. I watched the sunset tonight and I thought of how beautiful it must look from Heaven. How Marg must be enjoying it. Pain free.
I am glad she is pain free but I think of all the people that are in pain from her passing. She was a wonderful and thoughtful woman. She always encouraged me. She loved my poetry. She lifted me up when I was down. But I wasn't there to lift her up. Thank goodness Someone with stronger hands was. Cause I am too weak. Much too weak.

This hurts bad......just as I think I am done crying the tears fall again.....

Rest in Peace Marg. You are a great and lovely person. I will miss you. I love you. I am sorry I didn't say it more. I love you.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Why is it.....

that when you want to sleep the kids WON'T sleep!!
I am so frustrated and I just want to nap. But of course neither child will today. I am cranky and snappy.
NOT A GOOD DAY. I just want to crawl into bed and hide.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

feeling attacked

now I get how some bloggers feel like they are being attacked. I was asked to join a group on facebook. I joined then I left after thinking about it. Thinking that I am not so sure that a child should be on facebook.
then I got THIS in my face book email.....
"You are an idiot to leave the group..Maybe you should have thought harder before joining the group..So what the kid has facebook what did you have to rethink about that!!! STUPID"

so I am being called an idiot and STUPID. So what gets me is how childish this really is. I responded saying that it was uncalled for and childish on their part. That I was going to be rejoining the group anyway cause I feel that a child should be able to keep in contact with family. Then I decided against it again. I have my reasons and I am entitled to them. Just didn't think I would be attacked for it!!

Friday, May 02, 2008

May 1.......

was Phil's 30th Birthday!!!!

I can't believe he is 30 already. Makes me feel old. But anyway Happy Birthday to Phil. A great Husband and Father.