Friday, May 23, 2008

A friend passed away tonight.

Marg Duncan. Please pray for her family.
I go to post on my blog here and I see my title "A joyous life" but I can tell you it doesn't feel too joyous right now. At 5 o'clock tonight my friend passed away from her cancer. DAMN CANCER. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, cancer. I am feeling angry. I am telling myself I wasn't a good enough friend. I should have kept in contact more. I should have known she was in the hospital.
I was laying in bed trying to find the words to pray. I can't find them. They are gone. I know in my heart that she is no longer in pain but it still hurts.
This is hitting really close to home for me. I lost a friend 10 years ago to cancer. So now thinking about Marg has got me thinking about Duke. Reliving that terrible moment. Reliving everything. I know this is going to be hard for some to read and it is even harder for me to type but I have to get this out.
It's not fair. Why is there cancer? Why?? STUPID CANCER!
My heart is aching. I am going to try to put on a smile and just push this all aside. I don't want to relive moments. I watched the sunset tonight and I thought of how beautiful it must look from Heaven. How Marg must be enjoying it. Pain free.
I am glad she is pain free but I think of all the people that are in pain from her passing. She was a wonderful and thoughtful woman. She always encouraged me. She loved my poetry. She lifted me up when I was down. But I wasn't there to lift her up. Thank goodness Someone with stronger hands was. Cause I am too weak. Much too weak.

This hurts......it hurts bad......just as I think I am done crying the tears fall again.....

Rest in Peace Marg. You are a great and lovely person. I will miss you. I love you. I am sorry I didn't say it more. I love you.

4 comments:

wilsonian said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Misty. This kind of pain almost knocks the wind out of you...

Don't stuff down the grief though, Misty. It breeds ugly things in the dark. When you're ready, find someone you trust to walk through it with you... ask the Lord to bring it out to the light. It's the only way to find healing.

Love you.

Miss-buggy said...

Erin.....Love you too!!

Jarsgirl said...

I'm sorry for your loss Mist. :(

lori said...

Feeling for you too Misty.

I agree. Stupid damn cancer.