Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Quite possibly one of the worst days of my life

So Phil and I decided to have another baby. We got pregnant the first month again. Although it was a hard start, to the point where I got tests done to make sure I was pregnant.
So the first HCG test results were a 7. Then on the next friday, as in this last past Friday, I got my levels at 38 and a positive test. Good signs. Sunday another positive test. Then last night my world went spiraling down.
I started to bleed. Went to the ER. Cervix was still closed so it was a 50/50 thing still as to whether or not I would lose the baby. Today still bleeding and found out my HCG levels from last night went down to a 13. I am miscarrying.
This sucks BAD. It so isn't fair. I am being torn a part. This is something I NEVER wanted to experience. I have an ultrasound tomorrow just to confirm what I already know. There is a very big nieve part of me that hangs on to the false hope that everything will be ok. But I am only fooling myself.
I am praying for God's strength cause God knows I don't have it myself. This is really breaking my heart. I may delete this post but apparently you are supposed to talk about it. So 5.5 weeks in I lose the baby. WHY GOD! WHY!!!!!!
I am angry, frustrated, confused etc.....
sigh

4 comments:

Andrea said...

so sorry.
praying for you!

Michelle said...

(((Hugs)))

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Love you.

Nicole said...

not much to say but /hugs and i'll pray for you

Mommy to Ander and Wife to Box said...

You are supposed to do whatever makes you feel better. I am here, whatever you do.

For me, it was talking about it, at least on-line. In person, I didn't want to discuss it at all. We named our baby - Grace. We light a candle at Christmas. Whatever works for you, Misty, that's what you do.

As soon as you are ready, you can try again. For some people it helps. For others, they need more time. (I had to focus on tring again right away.)

Of course, e-mail me if you have any questions or just need to talk.