Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Post Pardum Depression

yep. I have it. Nothing new some of you may be saying.
I have been wondering what the significance of blog writing is lately. No one seems to visit or comment anymore. I remember when everyone used to comment. Now it is facebook or some other sort of new "thing". I miss the blogging. I miss reading blogs and I miss comments.

My doctor diagnosed me with PPD on the seventh. I should have known it was coming. I have been moody, rarely smile, tired, I hate everything about my appearance and really hard on myself. As much as I don't want to, and didn't want to, admit it I have to admit it. It is a reality in my life right now. I have a few friends that have helped me to see that it is ok to be on the meds and it is ok to feel the way I do. That it is normal. I know some people think of PPD as a mother that harms herself or her child. Let me tell you right here and right now that it is NOT true. I had never, and will never, harm Cooper or myself.
I was just a very grumpy and angry person. I am still having difficulties being the Misty I used to be. The one that was so bubbly and happy all the time. I do feel though that the meds are starting to work. Cooper is no longer nursing and that killed me and just added to the crap I was already feeling. I belittled myself even more and knocked myself down even more. I miss the nursing but Cooper and Phil and I need the old me back.
I would put my keys down then like 10 minutes later TOTALLY forget where I put them. Me of all people would forget to take my camera to events. Such as weddings. I never went without my camera! I knew something was up at that point.
I am taking the pills and am slowly getting better. I am not as tired as I once was. I feel like I am coming back. Which is a good thing. Slowly but surely. I am more open to talking about it now and willing to help others. Willing to take that wall down, even just a wee bit, to allow others that are going through the same thing to see that it is ok. I am even thinking about looking into a group of some sort that could help. I have to get better. For Cooper, for Phil, for myself.

So there is a bit of me, if anyone cares. Risking it and putting it out there cause there may be someone else out there that needs to know that they are not alone. Scarey to put yourself out there though!

and just because.......


8 comments:

Michelle said...

It's a hard thing to admit you need help, and then to go and find it. I'm glad your putting your wellness to such a high priority. I'm so very happy your starting to feel better already. What a gift that will be to your family.

Love you Miss. I think you do such an amazing job at everything you do. Hopefully now you will be able to see that!

wilsonian said...

Glad to hear that the meds are helping. Give yourself lots of grace, and do what works.

Can't believe how grown-up Cooper looks!!

Much love to you :)

Kaylyn said...

You are strong for asking for help from your doctor. You are even stronger for letting us in and posting this blog.

It is something that all women go through and some choose to sweep it under the rug. I am proud of you for standing up!!

Cooper and Phil will be there for you. As well as all of your friends and family. One day at a time and you will feel better.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Luv ya ")

Sue said...

Having been so close to you on this journey I am one of the few who can honestly say that all you have accomplished and been through in the last couple of years has been amazing. You have achieved your goals for you and your family and they are happy because of it. Now it's time to give some of your efforts back to yourself. I have no doubts that this too will pass and you will find that you are back to your usual, (but much more than before!)self soon. Love you immensely and continue to be very proud of you.

Nicole said...

I know it must be hard to come to terms and accept things in our lives and it can be difficult to talk about them. But I want you to keep in mind, its nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing you did.

Pride and hurt tend to be 2 reasons we don't talk to people about things. It makes us vulnerable. I know for myself for awhile there have been things I have been trying to keep masked, and worrying what people will think. How I have failed. If people think that about me, then they aren't people I want in my life. You can love yourself without being selfish.

PPD isn't uncommon at all from my understanding. Not allowing yourself help would be hurting yourself and your family.

I know its been hard for you to stop nursing. It's a special time between you and Cooper. I'd encourage you to treasure the time you had, as many woman are unable to nurse even for the amount of time you had the priveledge of doing. I'm not sure if there is an activity that you can do with him each night which is just the two of you. A special book, maybe giving him a bottle/sippy cup while rocking with him. Maybe its a special game or a song that you sing to him each night.

You are loved. You are a great woman. Don't let Satan convince you of anything else.

/hugs

So I Go said...

i echo many of these comments.. don't ever doubt your worth and value. that smiling little guy thinks the world of you, and it's obvious many others do too.

thanks for your transparency here. will be praying :-)

Mystic2mom said...

Awww, Misty. I am so glad you sought help!! You will feel so much better and time will make this seem like a dream later!

Janelle smells said...

I still visit Misty. Cooper is such a beautiful baby!! I love that pic of him. I am so glad that you chose to take care of this problem instead of letting it get much worse. I had PPD with my first baby.. then never had it again and now I'm on my fourth!!