Thursday, December 02, 2004

David's Stone

Yes I am refering to David and Goliath again, it does seem to be a good analigy (sp?) for what I am wanting to say. David and his stone. Today I picked up that stone. Just like in the sermon last week. I was filling out something that could have remained annonymous, but for some reason I put my name on it. Maybe it is habit, just to fill in your name where it reads: name (optional):__________. Yeah I did see the optional part yet I still found myself sitting there writing my first and last name. It was stupid I am sure of it, yet I did it. I can't change that now, I am David and this is my stone. I am starting the scary and seemingly endless task of confronting Goliath.

After filling out the form I actually sat there and debated on the fact as to wether or not I should have placed my name on that little line. I brought my pen up to my name and placed it at the front of it preparing to scribble it out so that it was so unreconizable that no one would know that it was me. I silently said a prayer. What would Jesus want me to do? I am not sure exactly. So I sat there pen poised and ready to scribble. Next thing I know I was folding the paper and placing it into the envelope then proceding to seal it tightly shut. No I didn't scratch out my name and now it scares me silly. Sitting there before handing over the envelope to forever be lost I thought about that sermon. I thought about that white rock that I have placed in my purse so that it is with me always. I let the envelope go. The rock is in flight.

Almost immediatly I regretted my decision. What if......... But that was MY rock right? My chance to defeat Goliath or at least bring him down a peg or two. It is too late to go back now. I took the chance and I am standing up for myself and for what I believe needs to be said. Is this what Jesus would have done? Is this what He would have wanted me to do? Is He proud of the decision I hummed and hawed over for so long? I am not too sure, but I really hope that the answer is yes.

Do I regret letting that rock start to depart from my grasp? Yes, but at the same time I think that I am feeling pretty good about myself for finally standing up for what I believe. For saying what I needed to say. It may sound crazy but I wish that little piece of paper luck and I hope that I am not walking around on glass for believing in myself.

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