Sunday, August 17, 2008

First time dealing with someone picking on my son

and I don't think I handled it right. I wasn't sure what to do.

In the summer our church has church in the park. So Cooper plays at this tree. It is low enough the kids climb the bottom bit. Anyway, Uncle Den had given Cooper a leaf. He was playing happily with it while sitting in the tree. Then I look back over and a little girl has a leaf and is tearing it apart. Cooper comes running up to me and says "Mom! Girl leaf! MY leaf" I said, well mommy can't do anything about it you go ask for it back.
So off trots Cooper. He goes up to the girl and I hear clear as day, "leaf back PLEASE." the little girl puts it behind her back. Then Cooper says "MY leaf, back PLEASE" (yes this was all over a leaf but these are kids). She holds it high above her head. The lady sitting next to me looked as shocked as I felt. So I went over to the tree and said, He asked for it back nicely hun. Then reached up and grabbed another leaf for him.

I go back to my seat and the lady smiles at me. Then I am listening to the service but watching the kids like a hawk. Cooper is sitting on the tree and all of a sudden the girl GRABS at the leaf, ripping it in half. I sat there, trying not to go to his defense and letting him deal with it. I hear Cooper yell "NO! MY LEAF" So she grabs at it again and breaks more off, again Cooper yells no. Then she grabs at it again this time Cooper pushed the little girl. She fell backwards down the tree, about two feet. As I saw him push her I was already up running towards her.

The mom comes over and says to Cooper "That was very mean!" I said, "He told her no and she was pushing at him for his leaf"

She says, "No she wasn't. They were playing nicely."

I said whatever. Made Cooper appologize to both the mom and the little girl. He looks at the mom and says "I forry" then the mom says, "well you got your satisfaction" HUH!

I went to put him in time out but he pitched a fit. I think it was because he didn't think he did anything wrong. In MY mind he really didn't but I think I did it more because the mom was watching me. So we went to leave because he wasn't calming down. I went up to the mom and asked if the little girl was ok. She says "she's fine. Tired. Have a better rest of the day" HUH!!!

so we left. I drove a bit up to my mom's because I was really upset. I felt like Cooper was standing his ground and I shouldn't have given him trouble for it. I needed to talk to someone. My mom wasn't home.

I drove back to church, avoided that mother and child and asked the lady next to me what she saw. She said that the little girl was TOTALLY picking on Cooper. I started to tear up, still not sure why, and I said what was I supposed to do! She said that Cooper really didn't do anything wrong. That as mother's we are all defensive of our own child.

I feel like I failed Cooper. I should have stood up to that mom. I should have stood my ground. What kind of a mom am I gonna be when he gets into situations like that. At the car I told him, "Cooper I know you were defending yourself."

He looks at me and says, "mommy, girl leaf"

I said, "she took your leaf and wouldn't give it back."

he said "yes"

I told him that he did a good job of fending for himself and telling her no but to next time use words then come tell mommy if she isn't listening. But I really don't want him to have his mommy stick up for him. What should I have done. I told him I was proud of him for using the words I did hear but next time to not push.

"otay mom"

what would you do? I feel like I failed him, I let him down and I didn't handle it properly.

advice? pointers? tips? I don't believe he was really bad. Was he? He was sticking up for himself.


Michelle said...

I wouldn't say he was bad, and I wouldn't say you failed him. Children, especially small ones, have a hard time verbalizing their emotions and often react before they think. You have to be careful in that situation to make sure your child doesn't think it's ok to react violently. Even if he was being picked on it's not ok to push. I don't think a time-out was unreasonable.

The little girls behavior was unacceptable and it makes me sad to think of how someone in her life has probably demonstrated this in order for her to think it was ok.

It pains me that I'm going to have to watch my girls learn through experience that some people just aren't nice, and hope that they will realize it has nothing to do with them.

Nicole said...

From reading that story I'd almost surmise that the little girl learned to be so rude from her mother. She was just looking to defend her daughter, but unless she watched the whole thing happen herself, she should have asked the lady around you if she had noticed what happend, or asked the little girl if she had wrecked Cooper's leaf.
You didn't fail Cooper, arguing with this woman probably would have been futile and all it would have done was cause you stress, and maybe even stressed the kids out more seeing mommies upset.
I don't really know what I would have done in this situation either.