Sunday, September 14, 2008

Back from Bowen Island

I think I am still processing it all.

All weekend I wanted to go home. The spiritual battle that I personally think I felt was strong. I knew where each exit was. I was trying to figure out how to take off. The reason I stayed was I had to. I had three people with me, I couldn't abandon them. So I was fighting to stay. I wanted to go home. I wanted to run away.
Then on Sunday I wanted to stay.

I had a group of wonderful ladies pray over me. Things came up that I didn't think were really issues. But they obviously were. Shared about my miscarriage bu something else came up as well. Which I am not yet ready to go into.
I felt stupid for sharing. I felt like I shouldn't be thinking about it. I let what people told me rule. Someone told me I was dwelling so I didn't talk about it. I felt stupid the whole time. But I was held by wonderful women and made to feel safe. I cried like a freaking baby. I was too weak to walk to my room.

Man there are a lot of things to process. I am afraid of loosing any kind of connection that I almost made this weekend.I WANT God back in my life. I WANT to feel Him and hear Him and see Him.

Guess now I am reaching out to people. Or at least trying to. Lots of things bombarded me. But it will be ok.

It was a wonderful weekend with beautiful women. Caring women. God. I can't wait to go back in all honesty. It was great! Don't be surprised if this gets deleted soon. lol

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