Thursday, September 04, 2008

Feeling blah

I am feeling pretty odd.

I don't know what it is.

Today I just feel like I am numb and can't go on. I don't have the strength to take care of one child let alone TWO. While his parents are home sleeping and resting. Yes I am bitter right now.

I feel ungrateful. Phil has taken good care of Cooper. He was basically a single Dad when I was in the hospital. But I feel like I haven't had a day to just lay around and relax. I feel like I am high strung right now. I have been in pain for over a week. I haven't worked out. I have been nauseated for a week and a half. Looks like it may be a UTI but it also may be in my kidneys. On another round of antibiotics. That makes me feel even worse.

I just feel like I can't go on with this. NO I am not depressed, may be feeling a little down and bummed. No I am not going to hurt myself or the kids. I even want Phil to stay home. How selfish is that.

Just one of those days I think.

I need a break. I am selfish. I am drained.


wilsonian said...

Is there anyone from church you'd trust with Cooper? Life wasn't meant to be lived alone. If there was any time to call in reinforcements, I'd say this is it.

It's not an admission of failure on your part (in case you were going there...). It's an admission that you're human, and made for community. I'm sorry I'm not closer.

Miss-buggy said...

I do trust people at my church but they have kids too or they work.

My MIL (mother in law) is taking him tomorrow. I do have a ladies retreat next weekend. I think it is just dealing with all the health crap that is throwing me for a loop.

Yeah I do feel like a failure. LOL. You read that one well. I just also feel like I can't go on right now. I did a bunch of cleaning and stuff and I am in a lot of pain now. Too much movement. grrr!

thanks for caring. I wish you were closer too. Just because I think it would be fun to hang out with you.