Saturday, January 17, 2009

The Battle Ensues.....

I have been reading a book called, "Roll Away Your Stone" by a pastor named Dutch Sheets.

The book is good but the only thing that confuses me is when he speaks Greek. I mean that in the literal sense too. I am not good at pronouncing foreign words and when he uses them I struggle with it. But once I get past that I am good. LOL!

He talks about how we are made up of three parts. The spirit, the soul and the body.

He refers to the sub-conscious mind as the spirit. Where God can freely talk to us without having our conscious mind fight Him and put things in the way. Our conscious mind is the Soul. Then I am sure you know what the body is.

Now since Dutch Sheets has said this it has made things a little more understandable. Just a little. I have always heard that it is a constant battle for our soul. Our soul, our conscious mind. Because if Satan can win over our conscious mind or make thoughts so loud we won't be able to hear our Spirit speaking to us. That is why a lot of people have dreams that come true or they can hear God more clearly when they sleep. When we are asleep we don't have our mind going a mile a minute to take over thoughts from God. The bad thoughts, the untrue thoughts and the painful thoughts of the conscious mind are so loud that you can't hear God right there. Satan works in the soul. He implants lies, fear and more lies. Fear is not of God. So it must be of the enemy. The enemy giving us the fear so that we become so wrapped up in it we in turn end up not trusting God. When we don't trust God we are in essence telling Him He doesn't know what He is doing with our lives. That I know how to take care of my own life. Which is a TOTAL lie. I cannot control my own life. I don't know what I am doing. I SAY that I trust Him but every day I nail things over and over to the cross. It is sometimes the same thing but written out differently. Well most of the time it is the same thing. Satan does NOT like that. He wants me to hold on to the fears, to believe the lies and to keep myself wrapped up in the worldly thoughts and lies that he helps to feed me.

The closer I get to God the more of a battle it is. I know in my heart right now I am struggling. It is like I have lost God again. That He has abandoned me. Yet I know in my spirit, in my heart, that it is not true. God is RIGHT HERE. I just need to push Satan away. Tell him to get lost. Wonder if you can tell him to go back to hell and stop bugging me! I know I can definately tell him to bugger off.

As I try hard to fill my conscious mind with God the battle gets worse. The loneliness engulfs me. The painful and untrue thoughts flood my mind. I keep telling myself over and over that I am a screw up. That I am a failure. That I am in the wrong. Why? Because that is what I know. Those thoughts are in the forefront of my mind. They are way too loud. So the battle of my soul continues. I will admit it is SO hard to just wrap my head around the fact that I didn't do anything to DESERVE God's love but that is the point. That even though I struggle, even though I fight I have God as the Captain of my Spirit. He will help me fight the battle if I let Him. If I stop pushing Him back to the tents. If I ask Him to join me on the front line.

So the battle ensues for my soul. I want God to win and I will work hard at trying to replace these negative thoughts with thoughts from God. With God's word. It is really the only true thing out there. I stand shaking, scared to fight and weak. But right here, beside me, in front of me, behind me, above me, below me, God is here. He has wrapped His armor around me and will help me to fight. When I am weak and tired I just have to call on Him. No one said this would be an easy journey. No one said there wouldn't be a fight. I am God's child. Not Satan's. So I fight and will continue to fight for my soul.

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